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Lame, Lying Loser!

Dear Sugar
I love my boyfriend, but I am worried because I keep catching him in small, yet irritating lies. When we first started dating, he told me that he was a virgin, but every once in a while, he'd make comments about how great sex is. It just seemed to me that he had done it before, but I of course wasn't about to accuse him of anything.

Then, about three months into our relationship I asked him again about being a virgin, and again he said he was. On Valentine's Day, he asked me whether or not I would be upset if he had already had sex. I said "yes" simply because that meant that he had been lying to me for all of this time.

Right then and there he confessed, to having three different partners. I was upset about the lies, but I forgave him and never mentioned it again. Two weeks later he told me that in fact his number was more like eight and not three. Why lie and say you are a virgin if you have been with eight different women?

Another problem I have is that he continually makes little promises to me such as calling or coming over, but when the time comes for him to follow through, he more often than not lets me down. He also always goes out with his friends and parties into the wee hours of the morning. Am I am being too demanding or do I have a right to be upset with him? Seething Sara

To see DEARSUGAR's answer,

Dear Seething Sara
I think he sounds too immature for a serious relationship. Having said this, I do believe that he might love you, but it doesn't appear that he is ready to make the kind of sacrifices that people make when they have to think of someone else other than themselves.

These kinds of guys don't change. Some of them grow up, but most don't. I think you are on different paths and breaking up may be your best bet. Here are a few reasons why:

  • He should not be lying to you if he has any respect for you.
  • He shouldn't let you down when he promises to call and do nice things for you.
  • He shouldn't be going out all of the time without you. Of course everyone needs time with their friends, but not all of the time, and not into the wee hours of the morning on a regular basis.

He has grown accustomed to lying to you and to letting you down and he won't stop because you are allowing it. How much longer are you going to let this behavior go on? You are already seething, so what's it going to take. Lose him!

Join The Conversation
DCStar DCStar 10 years
Dump him! What a horrible person, this guy is not ready for a relationship.
tifygodess24 tifygodess24 10 years
He's a liar, enough said. With all the men out there you will find someone so much better, no doubt about it. Its going to hurt now , but stick around and its going to hurt a hell of alot worse!
vanyvrgs vanyvrgs 10 years
You are right to be pissed off he should not be lying. Did you tell him you only wanted to date a virgin? It still gives him no excuse but one of my friends had the same thing happen to her and she lied because she felt bad about losing her virginity to someone she did not love and being sexually active while in high school and wanted to revirginize herself and forget it had happened. Finally, we told her the best was to fess up and she did and eventually he forgave and understood. Boy that was years ago...But if that is it and you are willing to forget and forgive that is up to you. About him going out with his friends, he should not lie to you, he may not be ready for a relationship, but you got to tell him that it is a sign of disrespect to tell you he will do things for you, come over and not follow through. If he continues it IMHO I would just cut out. You should not allow someone to let you down as you say... Rudeness is the weak man's imitation of strenght
paigesweetkisses paigesweetkisses 10 years
kick his ass to the curb. you need a MAN, not a boy
Escape Escape 10 years
As you grow older the number of sex partners just doesn't matter and you wonder why you were even worried about that. Everyone has a past and it is sometimes better not to discuss everything. But the whole no call thing - it hurts I know. Move on for yourself. Don't let this man think you are WAITING on him. Because in the end you will probably end up getting hurt over and over. ~~~ Niki ~~~
KimmiAnn KimmiAnn 10 years
Remember, you get what you settle for. If this isn't acceptable, getting rid of him will prove it! Well "Sinead O'Rebellion." Shock me shock me shock me with that deviant behavior. Gina - Empire Records
vmruby vmruby 10 years
I say show him the effing door.........
rustedwings rustedwings 10 years
What worries me about this is that there's no reason for these lies, what's the point about lying about your virginity? But as you find out about them not only doesn't he disclose the truth, he concedes to some of a lie and then lies on top of that only to repeat the whole thing again until you get to the very different truth. My thought is, from personal experience, you can't make him change and even if you could, it doesn't sound like he's interested in being up front with you. If he's not upfront with you, he doesn't deserve your company, never mind your heart. Surround yourself with good people, not with people who are impersonating good people.
gossipqueen gossipqueen 10 years
I had a friend like that...I dumped her!
lickety-split lickety-split 10 years
why do you love him? remember, it's not what you thought he was, or what you wanted him to be; it's what he is. don't be upset, be glad that you figured out that you deserve better and will have no trouble finding it. lying is kind of like a "line in the sand", you just can't allow your man to cross it. when he asks you why you're breaking up with him tell him flat out; you're not who i thought you were and you're not who i need you to be. any promises he makes; worthless. because another thing to keep in mind is that the best expectation of what someone is going to do in the future is what they have done in the past.
rubialala rubialala 10 years
Yes, please loose this guy.
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 10 years
I vote for dumping him also.
MandiMark1 MandiMark1 10 years
Yeah, if he knows that he's going to get away with it, he'll keep doing it. He might even do something worse, like cheat on you. End it before it gets bad! Good Luck :)
Marci Marci 10 years
Once lying is in the picture, it's pointless. Move on.
dancemiadance dancemiadance 10 years
i vote dump his ass.
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