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Last time didn't work out, should I try again?

Last time didn't work out, should I try again?

Dear Sugar

Help! About 2 years ago, I re-met a guy I knew while I was in high school. He had just recently divorced and I was fresh out of an emotionally
abusive relationship. We struck up a friend/relationship, but it didn't
last long because neither one of us was ready. We remained friends. About
8 months ago, I realized that I do still really care for him and want to
be with him. And I spilled my guts to him. He said he wanted to give it a
try and then backed out. I was devastated and told him to cut off all
contact with me. Well, I recently ran into him again and it was just like
old times. After all this time, I still can't shake my feelings for him. I
know through a mutual friend he is single. What do I do? I don't want to be
in this place again, but I can't help it. I know I will probably wind up
hurt again, but is the risk worth the possible reward? I feel so pathetic! Torch Carrying Christie

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Torch Carrying Christie

Pathetic ain't sexy, and if that is how you feel, he can feel it too. You may have freaked him out when you spilled the beans, maybe he is commitment phobic, who knows, but you can’t control him. So all you can do is take control of yourself. You wanted to cut off all contact, now you want to have a romantic relationship with him again? Slow down.

So what does this mean for you and Mr. High School? You called off the friendship, so you can put it back on. See if you can do non-romantic things with him, preferably with other people too. In other words, get your friendship back first. In the meantime, so you don’t feel pathetic, try and get out there and get on some dates with men other than him.

If you’re kinda lucky you’ll have a good friend. If you're lucky you’ll have a good friend and a new boyfriend. If you’re really lucky he’ll see the confident you and realize he wants to be with you and you’ll have the luxury of deciding what you want!

But one thing you should be proud of is that you told him how you felt. It may not have turned out well, but at least you went for what you wanted. That ain't pathetic!

Join The Conversation
mom2 mom2 10 years
go with what your gut tells you to - i think living with the "what if" is worse than getting your feelings hurt temporarily - just go in with an open mind though -
mom2 mom2 10 years
i say give it one more try but only if youre strong enough to handle the possibility of it not working out. give him a call - go get some coffee or something - see how it works out and take it from there. youll know in the beginning yes or no - if you go in with the attitude you have nothing to lose - hey, you never know! i had a bf - we broke up for a year - i ended up calling him..we dated again - now we're married!
My-Opinion My-Opinion 10 years
My advice it to move on Christi...he backed out for a reason, and that reason will always be may be thinking of some real good memories in the 'rockin' department...but that's everywhere!!! There are only millions more men to choose from....that didn't dump you*
Arthur Arthur 10 years
brilliantly put PP.
PrincessPixie PrincessPixie 10 years
There are always Could-Have-Beens. they make you go all warm and giggley and you pine after them on the way home. but they are not Should-Bes. and never will be. the trick is to identify them!
malibu-stacey malibu-stacey 10 years
thanks, kylake! :)
kylake kylake 10 years
Yes, follow Malibu Stacey's advice and read the book "He's Just Not That Into You." It'll be in the Self-Help section. It's a good informative book that's written in a fun way. I read it last year and it totally changed how I view men and relationships. For the better! Everything men do will make more sense to you.
malibu-stacey malibu-stacey 10 years
maybe he's just not that into you...?
JK-Boogie JK-Boogie 10 years
The man has issues...he is not the only guy out there find someone else...I am mid-break up and at the angry phase...get over will do you the world of good...believe me.
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