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Learning The Hard Way: Lust Is Not Love

Dear Sugar
I recently broke up with my boyfriend of three and a half years and just began seeing someone new. We stared off hot and heavy until he put the on the brakes saying he didn't want to be in a relationship. Even though I am not ready to be in a relationship either, I was hurt that he didn't see having a future with me.

After only a month of being apart, he wanted to start hanging out again. I was hesitant at first as I didn't want to get hurt for the second time, but I just couldn't resist...we have amazing chemistry. As it turned out, after we started dating, he didn't want to have sex with me. This really shocked me because I had heard from friends that he had been sleeping with other people.

I have been trying to date other people, but I really haven't met anyone that I feel the same way about. I crave any bit of attention I can get from him and I know this neediness must stop. I hate feeling hopeless towards a man and I want to get myself out of this bad pattern with him. Can you help point me in the right direction? Do you think I should just cut him out of my life completely? Lusting Lizzie

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Lusting Lizzie
You are right, your behavior definitely needs to stop. It's not doing your self esteem any good to be lusting after a man that doesn't want you. It sounds like your ex wants to have his cake and eat it too! Don't give him the satisfaction any longer of toying with your emotions. Take back control and end this before it gets even uglier for you.

Seeing as how you just ended a long relationship, it's no wonder you are craving his attention. Instead of dating other people to try to get over this guy, why don't you take a break from the dating in general for just a little while. You are only setting yourself up for disappointment if you continue to spend time with this guy. As difficult as it might be in the beginning to distance yourself, you will be happier, stronger and more confident in the long run!

Join The Conversation
t0xxic t0xxic 10 years
Dears right take a break! Does a girl good get to know you and ull be able to find a good man once you know you.-------------------- The baby in my belly made me do it I swear.
ChiTownEm ChiTownEm 10 years
I totally agree with Sugar's comments. I have been a "serial monogamist" since I was old enough to date! I started dating at 16 and have had a boyfriend for four years, then two and a half years, and now two years...and I am only 25!! My first boyfriend broke my heart and for a long time I filled the void with another boyfriend. Then I one day decided to move across the country to Chicago b/c I just needed to be on my own for awhile. Once I settled here I made friends and got a life that was all my own and found out that I didn't need him to make my life complete. I broke up with that boyfriend with no intentions of meeting another but, of course, that is when you find the right guy, when you stop forcing it. Now I am engaged to a wonderful man who I love for all the right reasons.
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