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Lesbian Asked Not to Wear Suit to Wedding

Awkward! Asked to Dress "More Feminine" For a Wedding

A friend told me an interesting story that provides a modern twist on the high drama that often goes on during wedding preparations.

Her friend — we'll call her X — identifies as a lesbian and often wears boyish clothes. X was invited to her cousin's wedding and asked to read a poem — but the cousin balked when she found out that she was going to wear a man's suit. "Can't you wear something more girlish and feminine — for me?!" was the gist of her response.

After some discussion, the cousin realized she was asking for something unfair; what difference did it make that X, someone she loved, wore a suit or not? The most important thing was that she would be there for the wedding. At the end of the day, X wore a suit, did a wonderful reading of the poem, and everyone lived happily ever after.

Have you ever had unreasonable sartorial demands asked of you for a wedding? (Like, say, "Please wear this fuchsia-colored bridesmaid dress so I look dazzling?") How did you handle it?


Join The Conversation
pinkpeonygirl pinkpeonygirl 7 years
Here I go again, where I live in Europe we simply don't do the whole bridesmaid thing. Everybody comes dressed more or less formally (depending on the sort of marriage), no special instructions needed. I do expect someone taking part in the ceremony do be dressed a little special because that's what gives the message from that person that he or she understands how important and special this day is for you and that they made an effort as a sign of respect and honor. Nothing to do with every damn thing matching and coordinating.
mdemariah mdemariah 8 years
P.S.: Man suits are great, and many of my friends have wore them to weddings so I see no point in making someone wear something else. Dressing manly doesn't mean you're not a great person who can say lovely things at your wedding!
mdemariah mdemariah 8 years
I think being yourself is awesome but... if my brother had to read any poem at my wedding, I wouldn't let him come in sporty clothes (because he would, same as your fiancé, ladybirda ). I think... a wedding is a very special event and that microscopic problem might provoke the bride to freak out. Or maybe not, it depends of the bride.
ladybirda ladybirda 8 years
If I can get my fiance in a suit on our wedding day, I'll be happy. He'd show up in gym clothes if I let him. :)
beautifulmel beautifulmel 8 years
I don't get the bridezillas who feel the need to control what other people wear-- tux or dress, it doesn't matter as long as that person (who is going to be in front of a lot of people) is comfortable. But maybe I'm just more comfortable with people being themselves.
jenwils jenwils 8 years
My mother had polio when she was young and has scars all over her legs from surgeries, so she prefers to wear pantsuits all the time. She would love to wear dresses but can't. She always looks feminine and beautiful, so just b/c X wore a pantsuit doesn't mean she looked like a boy. As long as she wore a tailored suit, I don't see the problem. I can understand, though, if the cousin was worried she was going to look sloppy or unsightly.
Witchy-Ways Witchy-Ways 8 years
I would expect people to dress up a little for a wedding. But dressing up, in my book at least, doesn't mean "girls must wear dresses". A suit is formal and dashing, especially for girls. Actually, the last couple of wedding I went to, a lot of women wore suits. Not everybody likes to wear dresses and since when are women required to wear dressed to look "feminine" anyway? That's just so prejudiced and kind of mean, too.
Love-and-Sex Love-and-Sex 8 years
Ha! I love it javsmav!
javsmav javsmav 8 years
I'm requiring male guests to dress in drag at my wedding. It's MY day, everyone must do as I command!!!
smartiez smartiez 8 years
Well, it is her wedding. She can grin and bear it for one day to make the bride a happy clam.
zeze zeze 8 years
Honestly, I would have asked her to wear a dress. People are asked to do all sorts of things they hate in weddings, but they do them anyway to make that person's special day perfect - you don't get a pass for being a lesbian. My sister HATES makeup, gowns, hair styling, high heels...etc...but when a close family member gets married and it is a formal affair she will go all out for that person. She won't half-@ss it and wear just any dress and just pull her hair back. We are all asked to get our of our comfort zones to make someone we loves day - you don't get an exemption because your comfort zone comes with politics.
Love-and-Sex Love-and-Sex 8 years
From what I hear — she's a sharp dresser, so I doubt she'd wear like, a Zoot Suit with Converse sneakers to the wedding! Suits can be tailored to fit a woman properly. I think the issue was less "Is your suit going to fit you well?" than "OMG — you're going to wear a suit?!"
merie33 merie33 8 years
Was it a well-tailored suit, or a baggy, misfit one? I can almost understand if it didn't fit her right, because men's clothes aren't meant to fit women's bodies, and they do tend to look sloppy on them. And I don't think that she's just a guest..she was standing in front of the auditorium to read the poem, not just sitting in a pew...I don't think it's entirely out of line for the bride to want her to look nice. In a situation like akiyba's though, the bride really was out of place.'s funny that you mention that sister-in-law was just in a wedding about a month ago and had the same stipulation from the bride.."I don't care what dress it is, as long as it's black" The bridal party looked great too!
Symphonee Symphonee 8 years
I am waiting for the tomatoes to fly at me because I would have asked the same thing. Sorry. I know I am in the minority but before my brother passed I asked him that I if I got married, would he wear a suit to my ceremony and he agreed . I asked him because it had been so long since I had seen him in one and it would probably be the first time for sooo many people. Heck, it would be the first time in a long time that some people have seen me in a dress!!
genesisrocks genesisrocks 8 years
Go X. I don't mind the bad brides maids dresses but it seems kinda insulting to her personal style the way the bride asked that
lovy29 lovy29 8 years
I wonder what the suit was like. If it was a nice formal suit meant for special occasions, it's completely appropriate. However, if it was a baggy suit paired with sneakers (Yes, I've seen this before), I think the bride had the right to request that her cousin wear something nicer for her wedding- though that doesn't always mean a dress.
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 8 years
Yeah, yeah no. This dry spell sucks. Where are the questions, man?! eta: I'm with the suited girl. I'm so sick of women getting on this stupid bridezilla bandwagon. It's unbecoming to be such a raging nightmare!
dm8bri dm8bri 8 years
"Unreasonable sartorial demands" seem to be a "natural" part of weddings. Not long ago a friend of mine had to shell out ridiculous amounts of money for a bunch of crap she didn't want/need, from a hideous bridesmaid dress to crappy shoes to gaudy makeup on the day of the wedding (the list goes on), all to "please" the bride. And everyone is too worried to hurt the bride's feelings to say anything! I myself am unwilling to go into debt for someone else's "blessed" event. You want people to wear specific clothing that they don't already have? Buy it for them! Of course, weddings, beside the symbolicism, have never been important enough to me to care about color/hair/makeup/nail polish/flower coordination, etc. I guess for someone who has dreamed of their "perfect" wedding all their life it's a big deal - but remember, it's YOUR dream, NOT your friends.
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