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Dear Sugar
My boyfriend and I broke up about four months ago. I miss having him around, but the truth is that I am really having so much fun being single.

The problem is that since we've broken up I think I may never want to be in a committed relationship again. I know that people say that's how everyone feels when they break up with a long term boyfriend, but it's not that anymore.

Now that I'm completely over him and have gone on dates with different guys and I love it. I haven't been single since for about six years and now that I am twenty four I am enjoying being a single adult.

I can go to parties not have to worry about keeping my boyfriend entertained. I am just afraid that I'm going to be like Carrie from Sex And The City and never want to get married or settle down. Do you think it's normal to want to be alone? New Lease On Life Lisa

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear New Lease On Life Lisa
Wow, you should be a spokeswoman for "The Sunny Side of Break-Ups." I think it's fantastic that you are comfortable being alone and that you are embracing your independence and single-hood. It's a wonderful feeling to be happy about getting back in touch with yourself again. Power to you.

So many women become sad and depressed about break-ups, even when the guy wasn't so great for them and it's mainly because they are afraid to be alone. You are taking the opposite approach and it's really refreshing to meet someone who can see the bright side of a dark situation.

I think it's definitely alright to feel like you want to be alone for a while; but don't discount marriage forever. For some, it can be a truly wonderful and satisfying experience. Meeting the right person makes settling down wonderful. My advice to you is to wait and date until you meet that person and keep on doing what you're doing!

Just one last thing... Don't mistake Carrie on SATC for not wanting to settle down. She wanted to settle down very badly with Mr. Big, but he was the one who was never ready. Finally, when the timing was right (the very last episode), they seemed happy and content to commit to one another.

So the moral of the story is... kiss a lot of frogs until you find someone worthy enough to be your Prince! If and when you find him... I hope that you don't ever let him go.

Join The Conversation
highsociety1 highsociety1 10 years
Not to be a rain parader, but it's only been 4 months. The US life expectancy for women these days is around 80-something. Four months is a really small amount of time to summarize how you'll feel for the rest of your life. That said, I agree that you're over-anaylzing -- just have fun! Who cares if you're single forever, or fall in love and get married next week. Do what's right for you.
appreciated appreciated 10 years
I think if that's what makes you happy then sure it's normal! (obviously to an extent with this opinion lol) But if you're happy with being single then keep on doing it. Maybe one day you'll want to settle down but do what's good for you right now. :)
sabrinaland sabrinaland 10 years
I can see why you are happy to be single. You spent 6 years together! That's a long time, especially when you are now just 24. I was the same way when I broke up with my boyfriend at age 21. It was a huge weight off my shoulders and I felt amazingly free. However, things change as you get older. Past age 28, I've been absolutely crushed by my last two break-ups.
Snoop3 Snoop3 10 years
Have fun while your single. In my experience, I found love when I wasn't looking or expecting it!
cubadog cubadog 10 years
I don't necessarily agree with Dear Sugar either. I have been a happy singleton most of my adult life. I love my independence and I have learned so much about myself. I do not think marriage is for everyone and it drives me crazy that so many people think that should some how be a goal you attain for yourself. There are a lot of happy couples that never walk down the aisle.
nicachica nicachica 10 years
hey Lisa, stop overthinking! sounds like you're having a great time and that's awesome. just live in the moment and enjoy your time. i'm 24 as well and i'm actually in the opposite situation (been dating a wonderful guy for a few months after 4 years of singledom). however, i'm doing the same thing you are: enjoying myself and living in the moment. we're both still young and we have tons of time to decide what we want! why bother worrying about some hypothetical when you're in a great situation, right? keep on working it! :)
haze1nut haze1nut 10 years
could you justbe rebounding off a massive amount of guys? i doubt it, you seem to be enjoying yourself and understanding your situation. but then again you can be floating down the river of 'de nial'. i'm amazed that after 6 years of dating one guy you're not trying to latch on to another one! some girls have that type of personality. i say enjoy it,you never know what path you want to take in life, whether it's making a ton babies with your hubbies or backpacking through europe with your best buds. you're only 24!! enjoy it! but yeah, be careful not to dump "Mr.Right" for "Mr.FunfortheMoment"
azucar_maddy azucar_maddy 10 years
Congrats Lisa on your newfound happiness! But, I don't necessarily agree with DearSugar. I think that a person can find "the One" without dating tons of guys before he/she feels ready to settle down. Finding the right person and committing should just depend on how the two of you feel, not whether either of you has had lots of time to party. In a nutshell, follow your heart, and don't think that you need to try on every shoe before finding the right pair. Also, try not to lose out on the perfect guy for you once you find him! :) Best of luck!!
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