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This or That: Lied About His Marital Status or Education?

Just when you thought there weren’t any great guys out there for you, you've gone and fallen in love. And after a few months, it’s still going great. But now that things are getting serious, your boyfriend sits you down and tells you there’s something he’s been lying about. Would it be worse if . . .

This: He’s actually married? He and his wife are separated, but they have yet to actually go through the process of divorcing.

Or . . .

That: He never actually got that masters degree he always refers to, or even an undergraduate degree for that matter? He didn’t want you to think he was dumb, so he just decided to lie instead.


Semaj Semaj 8 years
I'm a guy who has spent the last 6 years living a lie. Every night I wake-up in the middle of the night hearing my own voice going over how to get out of this lie. My eyes have lost their life, I feel so dulled all of the time, I feel empty and in constant anguish. When my girlfriend visits while family is around my heart races, I sweat and I become very impersonal in an effort to get out of there asap. I've completely stopped talking to most of my family and claim that I was never close to them anyhow, to my girlfriend. I originally stayed in this relationship because I felt sorry for this girl, I met her after she came out of a bad relationship and I took care of her and her family liked me and my family liked her. We shared tons of interest but the lie was that I had never gone to college, we met in our early twenties and I felt that she wouldn't respect me or would lose interest if I told her I never went to school. Then I had to put off going to school for years and now I take classes secretly and its killing me inside trying to hide this all I feel like I'm losing my mind. God, I wish I had never lied but now I fear how I would hurt her if I told the truth and I really don't want to hurt anyone, I'm not sure what to do...
LoveSarah LoveSarah 9 years
Either way he is a liar. Which never makes for a good partner.
Autumns_Elegy Autumns_Elegy 9 years
Because he's separated it's not really cheating, but he should have been upfront about it anyway. It's like seeing a guy while he's on a "break" with his girlfriend, you gotta be upfront because they could always get back together. Lying about his education doesn't bother me as much, but yeah, always tell the truth.
SassAndBide SassAndBide 9 years
marital status
bchicgrl bchicgrl 9 years
Omg it would be far far far worse if he didn't mention his "separation" The whole thing with him having a better degree or not only shows that he was trying to impress you and honestly what guy doesn't do that in the beginning.
Deidre Deidre 9 years
Of course I voted that married is worse. But honestly, if either of these lies occured, I would dump him in a heartbeat. Lying about something so big (in either case) for so long would not sit well with me. I can't be with someone I don't trust.
bluestar bluestar 9 years
Umm...marriage! What a scumbag.
talanted08 talanted08 9 years
I don't take lying at all!! I know we all have this tendes at times but when it comes to a relationship it needs to be honesty! I wouldn't dare stay with a man that told me that he was still married but just waiting on the paper's. Now college is another story b/c education is what's needed now a day's but I can handle that more than the marriage!
kiwitwist kiwitwist 9 years
Lying about being married is a lot worse
Le-Luxe Le-Luxe 9 years
married. DEFINITELY.
chocolatine chocolatine 9 years
skigurl, Mesayme was probably replying to my comment. I still stand by my opinion though. :)
skigurl skigurl 9 years
Mesayme - am i missing something or are your comments completely out of context?
Mesayme Mesayme 9 years
Online, I'm gonna lie about anything that might give you sufficient evidence to stalk me or steal my identity...that should be a given. I'd think someone where nuts to give exact info :smurf:
chocolatine chocolatine 9 years
I'm with GlowingMoon - any kind of deception is a deal breaker for me. I once met a guy online who said in his profile that he was 34. After we started dating, I found out that he was 36. His excuse was that women my age (26 at the time) exclude men who are over 35 from their searches. When I pointed out that what he did was *lying*, he had the nerve to be offended. Needless to say, the relationship didn't last long. My view may seem simplistic, but I think that good people don't lie for their own advantage, period. If someone is capable of lying like that, they're capable of much worse.
bigestivediscuit bigestivediscuit 9 years
FAR worse if he were married!!!
designerel designerel 9 years
I'd be more pissed about lying about the marriage.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 9 years
To me, they're both equally bad. This man has a hard time with the truth. He's pretending to be someone he's not. He's a fraud. In my book, that's a serious character flaw. I would leave him over either of those scenarios. I know that's harsh, but being with a trustworthy, forthright person is very important to me. If he was honest in the beginning about either of those issues, I would have been fine with it. My problem is the deception and fraud, not the actual circumstances he lied about. I think the circumstances themselves are somewhat innocent and acceptable. I just don't like how he chose to handle them with me. It was immoral.
geebers geebers 9 years
drink = drunk. wow..
geebers geebers 9 years
wade I was SO sure sober that I would pick the degree lie but now that I am drink and don't have time to think I am going with the married lie. Ok...seriously...I am leaving. :oops:
Frank-y-Ava Frank-y-Ava 9 years
I think I'd be a little more angry if he lied about getting his Master's.
geebers geebers 9 years
I am a big advocate for education and believe in the college degree but out of these two..I would forgive a lie about a degree over being married far more.
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 9 years
Both are bad, but being married is worse. Please don't even bump into me.
Muirnea Muirnea 9 years
Being married is a much worse lie, even though in real life, both would be a deal breaker.
Marci Marci 9 years
If someone lied to me about their education, I'd figure they felt a need to bolster their image. But someone lying about being married - separated or not - makes their character very questionable to me.
heidi-girl heidi-girl 9 years
imo lying about marriage is worse. it's cheating, even if their not living together or whatever. my best friend was dating a married man,he lied to her for months about it and then she found the seperation papers. but i dated a guy who lied about his education to everyone including his friends, i only found out through his mom during conversation.. i had to question things from then on.
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