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Long-Distance Boyfriend Demanding Sex Tapes

Group Therapy: Long-Distance Boyfriend Wants Sex Tapes

This question comes from Group Therapy in our TrèsSugar Community. Feel free to add your advice in the comments!

I see my long-distance boyfriend approximately once every 6-8 weeks.  He has always enjoyed photography and lately whenever we see each other, he likes video taping and photographing me naked.  I don't mind once in a while, but lately he wants it each time and doesn't ask my permission first.  When I recently told him to put the camera away, he became extremely angry and refused to speak to me.  I later told him to ask my permission first and not use the camera or video me as much.  He again became very angry.  He said that it enhances the experiences, and because he refuses to masturbate or watch porn when we are not together, this is all he has.

I think it's pretty weird that he won't masturbate when he is alone, and I think he can visualize us instead of referring to video tapes.  He basically called me selfish for not doing what he wants me to do, and he told me I am not contributing to our sex life (although I have never refused sex with him and miss not having it in his absence) because I do not get Brazilians anymore or make elaborate sexual plans.  I have also never orgasmed when we've had sex.  He blames me for this, and told me if he doesn't mind me not orgasming (although I want to) then I shouldn't mind him videotaping me. However that works.

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We've been dating for nearly three years now, and I'm annoyed that he wants to play these games.  I just want a normal sex life.  He's a nice guy for the most part, but I think he's crossing the line.

Any advice?

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Source: Flickr User M i x y

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youngforever youngforever 7 years
All the above advise is Good! Run! He has Issues! Run!
LittleMzFit LittleMzFit 7 years
LOTS of warning bells! He sounds selfish, angry, and inconsiderate to your needs. Go find a guy who will knock your socks off in a good way!
Yesi-Jukebox Yesi-Jukebox 7 years
It's been 3 years too long. He doesn't respect you and you don't seem happy - dump him!
Choco-cat Choco-cat 7 years
i would agree with the majority - break up with this man, he is bad news.
EmilieLove EmilieLove 7 years
My advice? Pack up whatever footage and photos you can get your hands on, run, and don't look back.
KadBunny KadBunny 7 years
*without
KadBunny KadBunny 7 years
Um, wow. Listen, my boyfriend and I only see each other once a year for two weeks (tops), so I can understand the built up sexual tension etc. We've been dating for 4 years now. When you get so little time to actually be together you've got to be more creative in the meantime. I'll admit even I can see the thrill of voyeurism. However, with that said, not once has he even REMOTELY suggested we do things like this, let alone with my consent! Or vice versa. You may be his girlfriend and he may be your boyfriend but that is still an absolute invasion of your privacy. The fact that he got ANGRY when you voiced your concerns is a huge red flag. I suggest talking it over with him; maybe he doesn't realize how ridiculous he's being, but if he gets angry AGAIN then leave his ass. Seriously. Wow.
medenginer medenginer 7 years
I think him be coming angry when you ask not to video tape or take photographs less speaks volumes in his actions. I would be concerned about everything becoming public without your knowledge and it would be such an invasion of privacy. You might not be able to change the past but you sure can protect your future.
CurleyQ CurleyQ 7 years
Any respectable woman would stay away from anything related to 4chan and any man who likes to partake of its stupidity. I agree with everyone else. There really is no need to think this over. Leave the creep and get as much as you can of the media. Long distance relationships suck anyway. :\
sparklestar sparklestar 7 years
And you're still dating him, why? Helloooo... does nobody look at 4chan... :p
GregS GregS 7 years
What all these fine ladies said, plus... Next time you see him, send him to the store or something and DELETE THOSE FILES! Just google "My ex girlfriend" and you'll see myexgf.com, ratemyexgf.com, youtube.com. I'd suspect if you don't you'll see the pics and movies on one of these sites. That just seems to be the type of guy he is.
cirrus1701 cirrus1701 7 years
Wasn't there a story of a teenager who made a sex video intended only for her boyfriend? It was uploaded and has now been seen all over the world. Run! Run away!
kismekate kismekate 7 years
On top of all of this, thinking about it more... Is it possible he has video taped you guys without you knowing? He seems creepy enough to have done something like this.
franceslopez franceslopez 7 years
Girl, I'm no relationship expert, but if I were in your position, there'd be a Frances-shaped hole in the door the second he took out that camera.
lickety-split lickety-split 7 years
You're obviously getting something out of this "relationship", or you wouldn't be in it. Ask yourself what that is and you will realize what a truly unsatisfying situation you are in.
Rwandawithlove Rwandawithlove 7 years
Like everyone said before you should leave him. I am not even thinking about sex but the control issues he has can manifest in different ways. I do not want you to be emotionally or physically abused. But before you do go to his house, infiltrate his computer, his phone, his DVDs and get every image of you naked. You may believe that he may never show these images of you but better safe than sorry. Good luck no matter what you decide to do!
CaterpillarGirl CaterpillarGirl 7 years
a) he is lying when he says he isnt masturbating. b) see above. c) get out of that relationship.
Beauty Beauty 7 years
Run, do not walk. This guy is controlling, manipulative, and selfish. We've all been in situations where we want to focus on the good qualities of someone we're with, but I am seeing huge, huge red flags with this guy. Like Weffie said, he's not a nice guy. I bet if you listen to your inner voice, you know you deserve better.
oohsexypenguin oohsexypenguin 7 years
You should NEVER allow someone to pressure you into doing anything you don't want to do. The fact that your bf is so adamant and angry about this situation is a huge red flag. If he's this forceful and controlling now, he certainly will only get worse over time. He has some nerve calling you selfish - he is the only one exhibiting selfish behavior here. You would do well for yourself to leave this douchebag and find a better man (who will, you know, actually CARE about making you orgasm) closer to home. Good luck, I wish you the best.
skigurl skigurl 7 years
i agree with the other girls...while i think advice like BREAK UP WITH THE LOSER is kinda harsh and maybe not the advice you were looking for, i don't think a guy who forces you and guilts you into things (especially something as serious as a sex tape) is a great guy...maybe he's a great guy in a lot of other ways, but i mean, he should be thankful for how great you have been and what you have done, and accept your decisions and respect your choices and your body he just seems sketchy, to be honest
kismekate kismekate 7 years
I feel like these stories coming from Sugar recently all result in the same answer, "Break up with him". Girls, we're smarter and stronger than this. We don't need men convincing us of what we want to do and what we don't want to do. If he knows you're not comfortable that should be the end of the discussion. Period. And for the record, he for sure as HELL does not NOT masturbate or watch porn when you're not with one another. Sounds like a bit of a fib to convince you (make you feel guilty) and give in.
nylorac nylorac 7 years
I would break up with this guy. He seems very selfish and not tuned to your needs. Also, how do you know he's not sharing these videos or photos of you with other people? If you've never had an orgasm after being with him for 3 years, and he's essentially absolving him of being bad in bed or not trying hard enough, then he is clearly not respecting you. I find it highly doubtful that he is not masturbating at least to the tapes he has of you. It may be that he really has gotten accustomed of doing it, and simply needs more videos. Either way, he shouldn't be forcing you to do it and acting like a spoiled brat when you say no.
jhuseby420 jhuseby420 7 years
Just thought I'd jump in a share my perspective. I think the videotaping is a little bit disturbing that he doesn't understand your objections (or refuses to try). If he doesn't understand that in a relationship, nothing is for certain (even in marriage) then he's got some growing up to do yet. Just because things are great now (which they don't sound like they are), doesn't mean they always will be. And nobody wants sex tapes out there that could be used to exploit them, or just hurt them should your relationship end. To me though, the bigger problem is just your guy's overall attitude towards you. The part about you not having an orgasm in three years in a relationship with this guy, is just plain wrong. I understand that seeing each other once every two months means it can take a while to know someone's body, but that's still three years. It just reeks of him not caring enough about you to fully pleasure you. I understand sex isn't all about the orgasm, but it's a big part, and that's not an excuse for him being selfish. Overall I think the problem is your boyfriend just doesn't have your interests at the top of his priority list, and he seems selfish. Personally, I would say there are a lot of good men out there, and that you should never settle into a relationship with someone who doesn't hold you in high esteem. It's trial and error, and this doesn't seem to be working. No matter who you are, you deserve to be happy and have your desires met by your partner, and if they are not, then you need to find someone who will satisfy them. Good luck
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