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Long-Distance Boyfriend Wedding Planning

"I Want to Include My Long-Distance BF in Wedding Planning"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

Hey, all. I'm thrilled to be engaged to my guy, and we are getting married in a few months. We presently live an ocean apart. I've got loads of support with planning (thank goodness, as I'm not particularly equipped when it comes to weddings), but my dilemma comes from making sure my guy feels included, without feeling bombarded.

Because we have the challenge of distance, we talk — a LOT. I don't want to turn our conversations into glaze-eyed wedding rambles, but I am hoping people out there will have suggestions on how I can include him. One thing I've done is postpone meal selections until he arrives two weeks prior, so he and I can try things out together. But I can't leave everything until the last minute. Since he's a guy, my usual question is, "Do you care about . . . X?" (invitations, cake, etc.) and if he says no, then I just go with it. But ultimately, I do want him to feel included, so he's not just turning up; already the guest list is 98 percent my side! Anyone have any creative suggestions as to how I might make sure he feels involved — as much as a guy wants to be?!

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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steph1234 steph1234 5 years
I think it's thoughtful that you are trying to include your fiance in the wedding plans. My husband and I were long distance while we were engaged. I basically asked him if there were any details that he cared about helping with the planning, he tried to seem interested, but he really didn't care...he would've rather eloped anyway, so I basically did it on my own trying to make sure to invite all of his family and friends. That was really the only thing he cared about anyway....On our wedding day he was happy, I was happy, and really that's all that mattered...10 years later we don't even remember the food we had, the details, or the guests that were there....
testadura67 testadura67 5 years
While I've never been had to plan a full wedding (just certain parts for friends), one thing I can think of is if you narrow down each thing to maybe 3 choices. Like invitations, or flowers, or cake design ideas. Email him the options and say, this is what I've got so far, do you have a preference? If he doesn't, then just pick what you want. But it could be a way to keep him included in the major decisions without making him search through hours of options. I would however light a fire under his butt to get his guest list picked. I know it's supposed to be "the bride's day" (which I think is ridiculous, there would be no bride without the groom), but I think one thing he will be disappointed in is not having his friends and family there for one of the most important days of his life. Hope this was helpful, good luck!
wolfjinx25 wolfjinx25 5 years
My fiance and I live an hour apart. We're getting married in July. I have included him in the wedding planning as much as I can. He helped me pick out invitations, we did the food tastings and cake tastings together. I did the flowers on my own and my MOH is working on the favors. My guy took care of the honeymoon and the tux. You just need to ask him what he want to do as far as the wedding process goes such as maybe have him book the honeymoon and hotel for the wedding night. Have him pick out the tux for the guys in the wedding party. Guys think wedding planning is a thing that us girls just handle all on our own but I know it is overwhelming. My guy had to calm me down a few times because I started to panick about the guestlist and other little things. Ask your guy to be supportive and ask for his inputs. Hope this helps! Good luck! 
luckyduckyy luckyduckyy 5 years
Set a day each week that the two of you can spend just an hour talking about wedding stuff. Perhaps set aside Sunday at noon or whatever, and then just decide the next day you'll discuss wedding stuff. But also give each other 'homework' to do in the week leading up to the next wedding discussion. For instance, say that you two should be thinking separately about flower arrangement ideas or decorating ideas, color schemes, etc. Also find various pictures if wanted to illustrate your ideas. And then go over all your individual ideas together, and decide from there.
kurniakasih kurniakasih 5 years
Sounds like you're already involving him in part of it. You're doing good. You guys are long-distance right now, of course, he understands (as well as you) that he's not going to be as involved as he wants to. How about: give him the job of choosing the music or the wedding party-dj or band (or come up with the selection)? And give him a time limit on when it's 'due' to discuss with you :) You're the one who knows him well, so you can def. gauge what he's good at..i.e. my husband is picky about...decor, so I could make him choose the type of centerpiece, etc. :) Good luck and congrats!!
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