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Love Lessons: Having Standards and Knowing What You Want

Love Lesson Learned: Know What You Want & Have Standards

Here's a post from OnSugar blog Romantically Challenged.

Earlier this year, I had an official "crash and burn" relationship, in which I experienced two instances — both of which were at the opposite ends of the spectrum — of losing myself.

It was the best of times; it was the worst of times.

Being a romantic, I always had ideas floating in my head about what I wanted in a partner.  But, being an imaginative individual, a part of me also thought of these ideas as being more fanciful than realistic.  So when I found someone who brought the fanciful ideal to reality for five minutes, I lost myself.  I had no other thought than to be with him — even anxious for the next moment and the next.  Being with him, initially, was like crack (er, not that I've ever actually taken the drug — for reals).  I essentially passed the reins of my life to him, and who I was before didn't exist.  I was happy, but I wasn't really being me, and gave up a lot of things that I loved, neglected friends and family.

Funny what a bit of kindness and appreciation can do to a person, and their sense of self.

But as I said — it was a crash and burn relationship, and when we crashed, we crashed hard. And when we burned, there was nothing left (of me).  It left me a sodden, sobbing shell of myself, empty and cold at the doorstep of my BFF late one night — too ashamed and broken to go home.


Good times. To find out how to avoid,


So I say . . . prepare yourself.  Map out what you want from a partner, so that if someone treats you decently for a change, or even embodies your ideal, you'll think to yourself "this is what I want, and what I f*cking deserve" as opposed to being so flabbergasted at someone treating you how you should be treat it, that you let yourself be consumed and taken over.  Cause that's what happens when you're in the belly of the Love Beast. You get digested.

Want to see more? Start following Romantically Challenged, or start your own OnSugar blog. Maybe your stories will be posted here on TrèsSugar!

Source: Flickr User bored-now

Join The Conversation
BBZ BBZ 7 years
Yes, it does happen to all of us women. We give, we love. It's in our nature! Read my blog "Falling without losing yourself" !
teentrends teentrends 7 years
so true everybody goes through this
BeautyAddict28 BeautyAddict28 7 years
i love your blog you're such a good writer, and your speak the truth!
bellavita214 bellavita214 7 years
I think that this is something that many girls have gone through... I know I have. But I think experience is everything and I have learned my lesson as well.
msscarletibis msscarletibis 7 years
Thank you :D
KadBunny KadBunny 7 years
:hug: Amen!
msscarletibis msscarletibis 7 years
Thank you all for your lovely comments. I do believe that better days are in fact ahead, and it's nice to hear from some that have been there as well. ~Scarlet
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 7 years
I identify with this post, too. Let's just say I gained some lessons the hard way.
amandachalynn amandachalynn 7 years
I've been there! I was so torn up I lost 30lbs and got a tattoo. Horrible. Your advice is spot on, and better days are ahead! I'm proof! I'm now in a wonderfully healthy marriage where I can be who I am, and I'm loved for it.
lickety-split lickety-split 7 years
A little appreciation, kindness, attention....powerful stuff to to ignored soul. Better days ahead :)
msscarletibis msscarletibis 7 years
Thanks girl :D *hugs*
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