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Dear Sugar
I have been best friends with my neighbor Steve ever since I can remember. Suddenly, out of the blue, he started acting really strange around me. I could swear that he’s flirting with me and I feel really weird about it. Now I don’t know how to act around him. Do you think talking to him about how I only love him as a friend will make things better or worse? I just want things to go back to the way they’ve always been between us. Missing My Buddy Missy

To see DEARSUGAR’s answer

Dear Missing My Buddy Missy
Every time you think that a man and a woman can be platonic friends, one of them gets a crush and ruins everything. Think about When Harry Met Sally .

I am sorry that your best bud has to be your first lesson on this subject. It can be very upsetting and confusing to find out that one the person who you thought was interested in your well being really has an ulterior motive.

It’s unfortunate when only one person finds the other attractive in “that way.” It would be ideal if it worked out so that everyone got to date/marry their best friend of the opposite sex - but life doesn’t usually work out like that and someone always gets hurt. Here’s my advice.

If you’ve been confiding in him about your love interests – stop. He could be feeling territorial. If he’s heard you talk about feeling interested in dating someone else, then maybe it’s making him want what he can’t have. Men like competition.

I would try my best just to act normal and let it go until it really becomes a problem or he confronts you. Don’t embarrass him and bring it up because maybe it will pass. Then you will have wished you never addressed it head on. When you see him next, treat him like you would any other day.

Hopefully he’ll understand that you always have and always will just seem him as a best bud.

Join The Conversation
PinkNC PinkNC 7 years
And I'm a fan of Harry and Sally. They were a cute couple in the movie.
PinkNC PinkNC 7 years
I know I'm years late here on the post but I hope you have spoken with him about this and that all is well with you two. I think men and women can be friends without all the drama or him thinking only of sex around her. All men are different and you can judge them all the same. Anytime you have a problem with your male friend you should always take the time to discuss the situation as adults.
dreeaaaaa dreeaaaaa 8 years
THIS HAPPENED TO ME! 1 of my best male friends likes me and I have no idea what to say to him. He doesn't know I know and I hope to keep it that way. Because if he tells me he likes me I'm gonna end up hurting him and this IS NOT something I want to do, but I can't lie. And after I found out it was extremely awkward (for me at least) and I noticed him trying to get rather close to me, just being next to me a lot...and I was like OH SHIT. you know? *sigh* I just hope he forgets and finds a new love interest.
heatherp heatherp 11 years
try to set him up - he'll get hte subtle message. hopefully. but you won't have to address it until he brings it up - also don't touch as comfortably as you would have before - that cna easily be misinterpreted.
MAGPIE33 MAGPIE33 11 years
I just wanted to say that if a guy is so wonderful to be such a great friend., maybe you should try to look at him with "new eyes". I found out that my best friend for years had a crush on me. I started to look at him in a new light, and slowly became very open to just the posibility. I knew we had trust, and fun and morals and all these other really important things in common yet I had never felt that "spark". I did though always wonder about all the girls he dated. In my mind they were never good enough for him (maybe foresight) Well long story short we held hands (how strange it was !!) Then one day a kiss and from then on ... WOW. It totaly changed from a friendship to love with one kiss. Sounds corny but true. I knew when he asked me to be his girl it meant so much more then just a casual thing. Well here we are 5 years later, married , in love and the parents of a 4 year old. Sometimes life sends you a present in a package you don't recognize. Be open cause ya never know!
Adriana42 Adriana42 11 years
all my guy friends are guys who were good enough to be my friends but not good enough to be my boyfriend..however i must say my best guy friend turned out to be i guess it's true that u can be best friends as long as theres no sexual attraction.
Fashiondiva91 Fashiondiva91 11 years
I think you can be friends with an ex
sanD13 sanD13 11 years
I think its possible to be friends as long as both of you know neither is attracted to the other. However, I'm finding it really hard to be friends w/an ex. You can never go back to being platonic...
SailorMarie SailorMarie 11 years
Let me go on the record as saying I LLLLLLOOOOOOOVVVVEEE When Harry Met Sally, there is a great scene in there where they discuss how men and women can never really be just friends, the sex part always gets in the way...I think men have a hard time keeping the two's they way they are wired!
yayita yayita 11 years
Enjoy your night with teh Chicas, hope you hook up and take advantage of some dudes! :)
caligirl1201 caligirl1201 11 years
Bye Team Diet Coke, LOL.
team_aspartame team_aspartame 11 years
i gotta get some fresh air ... i am goin out with my gf's hope u guys have fun ... i will check in layer 2nite ... ep keep ur hands off my canadian candy... cali; hope u have an awesome time on ur date ... ciao
yayita yayita 11 years
Play on Playa, hehe
ethiopian_princess ethiopian_princess 11 years
yayita, they are MUCH better ex-boyfriends than they were boyfriends. they're really only good for one thing and until i find someone who's good in and out of the bedroom, i'll hang on to them.
caligirl1201 caligirl1201 11 years
That's right EP and Yayita at least you know what you're getting and there's no room for disappointment.
yayita yayita 11 years
LOL EP, so your exes are now your bed buddies??? Thats right, use those bastards up!! hehehe
ethiopian_princess ethiopian_princess 11 years
yayita, i'm great friends with my exes too but i occasionally sleep with them. women can befriend men without any ulterior motives. in fact, most of my male friends are people i would never sleep with.
yayita yayita 11 years
Laura and EP I agree with yous, maybe be the Dominican in me but where I come from Man and women cannot be friends LOL. One is always interested in the other in someway, shape or form. In Spain they think differently though, My BF is great friends with his ex and it drives me CRAZY! To me once you brake its over! No friend no nothing, I hate when that Beyotch calls him ARGGGHHH!
kylake kylake 11 years
I had a male best friend who wound up having feelings for me, but I did not even know because the only difference in his character seemed that he was a little more quiet than normal. His friend had to tell me that he had the hots for me. It was awkward for a bit but then we were at different schools and I barely saw him anymore, so the whole thing just evaporated.
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