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Make Up or Break Up?

Dear Sugar
I have been married for just over a year and my husband and just had a baby boy. We have been together for almost three years and I was very much in love when we got married, but as hard as I try, I am just not happy in this marriage anymore.

It has gotten to the point where I don't even want to sleep in the same room with him. We got married relatively young; we were both 23 years old and my husband hasn't grown up since we had our son. He still acts like he is in college and drinks heavily on the weekends.

I have a full time job and at the end of the day, I still have to come home and be mother, a maid and a wife. I am truly miserable, but I would never want to hurt him. What would be the easiest, kindest and most gentle way to break the news to him that I am unhappy and I no longer want to be in this marriage. Discontent Destiny

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Discontent Destiny
I am sorry to hear you are unhappy in your marriage. Could you be suffering from postpartum depression? Have you been open with your husband about the way you have been feeling and your frustration with his partying ways?

Being a new mom and having a full time job can be extremely overwhelming especially when you feel like your husband is more like a second child than your life partner. While you are working hard, is your husband helpful with the baby or is he pitching in around the house?

It sounds as though he is is still adjusting to the responsibilities of being a husband and a father. Try talking to him and opening up the lines of communication between the two of you and let him know what you need in order to be happy in this relationship.

Since you had so much love for your husband before the baby arrived and added a laundry list of responsibilities to your life, do you feel like you are willing to work through these issues and give your marriage a chance to succeed? Have you considered going to couples therapy?

If you are truly miserable, you need to do what is best for you and your baby. Honesty is always the best policy and keeping your unhappiness a secret might hurt your husband more in the long run. Hopefully he will take your concerns to heart and if he is willing to change his ways, you can reassess your relationship and figure out what is best for all involved. Good luck to you.

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