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Many Couples Are Incompatible Sexually

Living with a sexually unfulfilled relationship isn't just for couples who've been married for 30 years, according to a recent article on — even new couples and those recently married are experiencing a boring or nonexistent sex life. So why is that?

There are actually several reasons why. One is that we are so marriage crazed that while dating, we tend to overlook warning signs of incompatibility. We also think that great sex will come later, when you love the person more. Also, some women tend to think that passion will inevitably fade away after time, so they look for someone who would make a good father or a handy and responsible husband over a passionate partner. They ignore their own desires and choose an okay lover, thinking that it's impossible to find someone who can fulfill them in every way.

If you're in a relationship, and everything is great, except for the sex, then


If your sex life is so-so, now is the time to do something about it. Talk to your partner about how you're feeling. Together, try to figure out ways you can spice things up in the bedroom. You can also try exciting things outside of the bedroom, like skydiving or horseback riding — doing things that get your heart pumping will trigger the brain's dopamine centers and could increase desire. You may also think about seeing a sex therapist to suggest ways to rekindle the fire.

Unfortunately the numbers don't lie — therapists estimate that one out of every five couples has sex less than 10 times a year. Could you live with a relationship like that? Tell me in the comment section below.


Join The Conversation
mandy_frost mandy_frost 9 years
I have the V card still, and I'm 25. At this point, 10 times in my life would be good!
Ray70121 Ray70121 9 years
This is crazy! If you have a good relationship you can talk to eachother about anything especially sex! If your not happy with the sex your having whose fault is it? Both of you are to blame. Have you asked him to teach you how to be the perfect lover for him? Has he asked you the same? Are you both willing to learn what the other wants and do your best to full fill those desires? If not then you don't deserve great sex.
petite42 petite42 9 years
Compatibility is highly overrated. What makes for a good sex life is 1) being confident in your own skin 2) already knowing what pleases you sexually 3) being able to communicate that to a partner and 4) having a partner who's not threatened or too insecure to hear what you have to communicate (and vice versa - being that partner for your mate). Show me a couple who has sex only 10 times a year, or who is dissatisfied with their sex life, and I will be able to map back their issues to one of those four points. I think many people (mostly women, I'm afraid!) think that compatibility is when the guy knows exactly what to do without being told. It's magical thinking. Men are not mind readers. And if you haven't explored your own body and figured out what works for you, why should you expect your man to figure it out for you? Most importantly, you can't be afraid to say what you want and communicate about sex. If you fear you'll be rejected, or if he fears you'll reject him, that instantly puts the kabbash on any sort of deep intimacy - not just physical but emotional too! Finally, if you don't communicate well with your partner, how can you be sure it's compatibility? You won't know unless you speak up and share with him who you are.
Indigo4320 Indigo4320 9 years
I agree with this research. Sometimes you are completely compatible outside of the bedroom in every area, but when you're between the sheets it just isn't working. I can see some women settling for a less than mediocre sex life if they can have everything else they want out of a relationship. BUT I can't see the longevity in a relationship like that. You have to find your rhythm in the bedroom to have a good relationship. I think bad sex can be improved but both people have to be willing to make concessions for the other person. Find out likes and willing to bend a little and give more. Insecurities are hard to ignore but you HAVE to or you'll never have fulfilling sex. They're just another obstacle to get around. If you're compatible in every other area of your relationship then you should definitely try to make it work in the bedroom. If you've given it your all, and really tried hard to make it work..and it still doesn't? Then get out.
yaliyah yaliyah 9 years
karlotta sound like a lucky girl!
karlotta karlotta 9 years
Wow, that's a problem we certainly don't have. Since day 1, the sex has been totally out of this world. I can't remember one time we didn't orgasm exactly at the same time - in 2 1/2 years. Every time, my mind actually DOES blow up, it's all over the walls. I don't know what it is, but if he isn't my soul-mate, he's definitely my genital-organ-mate!
glitterandgold glitterandgold 9 years
Agree with most of the above comments. We can have mind blowing sex and having sex everyday or twice a day to 2 weeks with no sex. I guess it just depends on your stress level, how much time you have, etc etc. We also live together so that is possibly why we can go 2 weeks without it sometimes.
LadyAngel89 LadyAngel89 9 years
And I thought once a week was eh. Since it used to be like everyday, well when we didn't live together. I guess now we see enough of each other it's not that pressing a matter lol. And sometimes it's mind blowing, and sometimes it's "eh goodnight". It all depends on the days we bring home with us I guess. but 10 times a year?! if that were my case go ahead and lock me up in the looney bin!
JovianSkies JovianSkies 9 years
:TRUE: Stupid smileys...
JovianSkies JovianSkies 9 years
If you embrace creativity, good things will come to your bed! :TRUESTORY:
Pistil Pistil 9 years
Is it the quantity that's important? Or the quality? If two people have a low sex drive and don't have sex everyday, that makes them pretty compatible, no? Anyway. I'm content.
KathleenxCouture KathleenxCouture 9 years
btw almost famous.. I'm a Capricorn and my boyfriend is a Virgo...we totally rock for each other hehe
KathleenxCouture KathleenxCouture 9 years
oh my lord...i thought not having it at least once a day was too little i guess there are people who really really need to get
CoMMember13630786602261 CoMMember13630786602261 9 years
Well, I guess I got really lucky because my BF is handy, responsible, a good father and hes great in the sack! Sure we might go a week or so without having sex sometimes, but its usually just because we are so busy, and once one of us realizes that we havnt had sex in a while, we make up for it! ;)
Sun_Sun Sun_Sun 9 years
10 times a year :O thats not even once a month :O i need some time to let that sink, it SCARYYYYY! no we wont ever be like that, and if it does happen i'd KNOW my husbands getting it elsewhere, GOD FORBID!!
graceunderfire graceunderfire 9 years
I think that this outcome makes sense given that people get married for the wrong reason. If you get married to run away from a less desirable situation or because you feel like you need to get it over with, then you're not really paying attention to things that are important like sex or rather, good communication about sex.
wakeupandora wakeupandora 9 years
I'm with lemassabielle on this.. a relationship is NOT all about sex. It is a very important aspect, but not the only aspect one should worry about. My husband and I have an incredible relationship, it has a very strong foundation and we love each other enough to have great communication, and that couple times a month we get to the sex part, its wonderful. But we don't balance everything on that point. Open communication should be a bigger issue than sex.
aeschere aeschere 9 years
i understand this. my boyfriend and i love each other but we aren't very sexually compatible. we really have to work at it - we don't just 'click' - and sometimes it's very difficult. as much as we both want it, it takes work to live with.
j2e1n9 j2e1n9 9 years
Sounds whack to me 2.
lemassabielle lemassabielle 9 years
I'm sort of annoyed with this article. My boyfriend and I have decent sex. It has it's days where it's mind blowing and times when it's not so mind blowing. I don't think a relationship is all about sex and our connection is great otherwise.
ckeller825 ckeller825 9 years
HAH! I can totally relate to the article!!! My boyfriend is the most wonderful person...we are extremely compatible...and had great sex in the beginning (i guess the LUST stage)...but these days it's just so-so. We also live together...not sure if that really has anything to do with it, but I'm guessing it does in a way. IDK!
cvandoorn cvandoorn 9 years
"therapists estimate that one out of every five couples has sex less than 10 times a year" - WHAT? Seriously? I wouldn't be able to deal with that!
MyPov MyPov 9 years
I didn't have sex until I got married and went on the pill for the first time as well and now have absolutely not sex drive :/ How ironic. Now that I've prepared myself with birth control, found my man and ready to go at it, I no longer have the desire. So unfair!
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