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Meeting the Family

This post comes from Group Therapy in our TrèsSugar Community. Feel free to add your advice in the comments!

Hey everyone, my best friend is a member of this site and she suggested I ask you all for advice. I have been dating my boyfriend for about nine months and everything is going great. A few days ago while on our mini vacation for Winter break he told me he thought it was time for me to meet his parents, sister, brother, and "little" brother (not really his brother but a boy he has become like a big brother to). When he asked me this I was shocked because his best friend told me he has never had a girlfriend meet his family, not even his ex-girlfriend who he was with for a year while he lived at home.

Knowing he wants me to meet his family has made me both extremely happy and extremely nervous. I have never met the family of a boyfriend before and I am terrified that they won’t like me. I talked to my boyfriend about this and told him I was scared they would think I wasn’t good enough for him. He said I was crazy and he knew they would love me like he does. But my boyfriend is incredible, and it wouldn’t be the first time someone has told me I don’t deserve him. Five months ago a girl got my number off a volunteer list he signed us up for and left a voicemail on my phone listing over 10 reasons I wasn’t good enough for him. A few reasons on her list were that he was only 24 and already had a master’s degree while I was 19 (at the time) and in college, he already has a career and volunteers with numerous organizations. She basically listed all the great things he has done and does for the community, and said that he deserves someone who is just as great as him. At the time this really strained our relationship because I always felt like he was going to leave me for someone better. We worked it out and he was able to reassure me that he loves me and that I am the one he wants.


To see the rest of the question and offer advice,


Anyway, I am going to meet them on Saturday night at my boyfriend’s house and he and I are going to cook dinner, and I was wondering if you all could give me some advice on meeting the family. How should I dress, what should I talk about, etc. I know these are probably silly questions, but I really want them to like me because I know that his family is extremely important to him. I am not saying that if they don’t like me he will break up with me but I know if they didn’t like me it would be difficult for him. Also do you have any tips to help me calm my nerves? Thank you in advance for any advice.

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mix-tape mix-tape 7 years
I always think about my family when I am in a situation like yourself. My father runs around like a chicken with his head cut off trying to prepare for any new guys my sister and I might bring over. Keep in mind the family may also be nervous about impressing YOU! Just be yourself. Obviously they raised their son and HE likes you so it couldn't be that hard to get along with them! Stay positive!
Yogaforlife Yogaforlife 7 years
Off topic but I would just like to say that I love The Family Stone. Anytime I need a good cry, I watch this.
Veka Veka 7 years
Nevaeh made a great point. You obviously mean a lot to him for him to want to introduce you to the family, so you're in the clear! If his parents raised him to be such a great individual, I'm sure they'll be able to see what he sees in you. :)
kurniakasih kurniakasih 7 years
Yes, everyone has given great advice. As for Veka's advise of PDA, I'd say that yes, refrain from excessive one. It's one thing to have your s/o hold your hand (which I think appropriate), but to just massive cuddle and making out is inappropriate for the first time meeting the family. My bro-in-law brought his gf to introduce to the family and they both are huge on PDA, of course their actions did raise eyebrows from my p-i-ls. Find out too if anyone is allergic to anything before the day (I'm sure, your bf will fill you in on that one). And CALM DOWN. I'm sure they'd love to meet you and will adore you. I have a son and if my son one day will bring his gf home to meet with me and my hub, oh gosh, I'd be so happy to see the gal whom he deemed important to introduce to his family :) Good luck.
facecandyblog facecandyblog 7 years
ALSO you should call that girl back with the 10 reasons he's YOUR boyfriend, not HER'S.
facecandyblog facecandyblog 7 years
This is such a difficult step in a relationship! At the beginning of my relationship I was positive my husband's family hated me. Really, they didn't want to show approval one way or the other so that he could decide himself. I of course took that as a negative. I immediately became defensive, if they didn't like me, i didn't like them. I demanded he choose his family over me, not see his family on certain occasions, tons of ridiculous stuff. EVENTUALLY, we got engaged and i tried really hard to endear myself to both his parents and brother. Mostly by showing them how much I loved their son and how much he'd enriched my life. then I tried doing nice little things for them, like baking something and bringing it over. OVERALL, Just be yourself and show them the person that their son fell in love with and make them WANT to invite you into the family.
Veka Veka 7 years
The above comments are great advice. The only thing I'd add is: avoid PDA. This may be a given, but I thought I'd mention it anyway. If I were the parents, I wouldn't want to see my son and his girlfriend all over each other. Especially the first time meeting them. As time goes on, showing affection might become more accepted, just not the first time. As far as dress, I would recommend a nice pair of jeans (no holes or rips) or slacks and a nice top that isn't frumpy but not sexy either... aka "modest." Something that covers your cleavage. ;)
dikke-kus dikke-kus 7 years
No one is too good for anyone. What does too good mean anyway? More accomplished? More money? That girl that called you needs to wake up and smell the coffee that men choose women that need them. Not accomplished independent women who scare them off and shake those little egos. NOT that accomplishment isn't good, yes of course its nice to be head to head with the men, but when your choosing a partner in life, it's not the same thing as applying for a job. Men look at age, physical appearance, personality. Not your resume. We're talking about some basic instincts here. Just be proud and blow those ridiculous ideas out the door. Hold your head high and be happy. As far as meeting the family. Dress nice. Wear something decent, but maybe a little flair of sexy is OK. Just be yourself. Remember to be polite. Ask if they need anything, can you get them anything. Just normal stuff. Don't get too drunk, thats a big one. Ask a few basic questions and let them worry about the conversation for Pete's sake. If you get really nervous get a big hug from your boyfriend in the kitchen. Have him sit near you and put his arm around you once in a while. Being young is tough but as you get older you learn to be comfortable in your own skin. That's important.
jazzytummy jazzytummy 7 years
First of all, I think you need to work a bit on your self esteem. You talk alot about how you"re worried that everyone will think you are not "good enough" for him, and that is a huge issue for you. You really need to let that one go...he chose you and is with you for a reason. If you keep talking about how you're not good enough for him, he may start listening to it. Let. It. Go. For the dinner: these may seem obvious, but bear with me... 1. Wear something that you are comfortable in that is not too confining or too sexy. Don't overdress or you will look like you are trying too hard. A nice pair of jeans or slacks with a pretty blouse, depending on how formal the dinner is can always work. Go light on the make-up and avoid perfume. 2. When conversing, do NOT interrupt or babble. When we are nervous, we do these things, but you have to make a solid effort not to. When in doubt about what to say, keep your mouth shut and listen. 3. Try to avoid talking about religion, politics, and abortion if possible. Usually these topics won't come up in this scenario, but you never know. 4. Re: what to talk about, I would personally ask your boyfriend more questions about his family and what they like to do...Have they traveled recently, and where? What are the hobbies/sports that they enjoy? Where did his folks grow up? Seen any recent great movies? Just getting some information about them shows that you took an interest, and you may find some common ground for discussion. 5. Most important of all, everyone wants to see someone in his family treated well. I am not saying be all over him with fake affection to try to impress them, just treat him the way you normally do, with respect and love, and that will make the biggest impression. If he does or says something in front of them that bugs you, let it go and deal with it when they are gone. 6. Cook something that is easy for you...don't try to do a fancy meal to impress them, because then you will be stressing about the food, and you don't need that added on to everything else. 7. Don't drink too much, even if they do. Seriously. Don't. 8. As far as your nerves go, if weather permits, take a brisk walk around your neighborhood and take some deep breaths. It will help burn off some energy and clear your head. Don't drink to try to relax. Good'll be fine. Never, EVER, again say to anyone how he is too good for you, especially not to him.
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