The Oriental Pearl TV tower has a list of forbidden acts. Ummm, OK. I won't do any of these, I promise, but mostly because I have no idea what any of these acts really is. (Authorities in Shanghai are fed up with hearing that signs in English make no sense, so they're looking to redo many of them.) I hope they don't touch this masterpiece of gobbledygook! I particularly like the parts about no psychotic ragamuffins and no carrying articles that emit a "peculiar smell of effluvium." Does Paris Hilton's Heiress perfume count?