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Mom Dating After Dad's Death

"My Mom Wants to Date (and Talk to Me About It) After My Dad Passed"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

My mom and I are very close, but sometimes she overshares or calls me to vent. I don't always want to know intimate details of my parent's relationships, but she's often upset when she overshares so I usually just feel obligated to support her.  My parents have had a rocky marriage, my dad cheated on my mom several times and she chose to stay with him because she loved him and because she wanted myself and my siblings to grow up with a father.  I think I was about 18 when she told me this (I'm 25) and it took me months to process. My parents' relationship was actually great for the last several years, they finally found a counselor that helped them and they started communicating much better.

However, she told only me (and not my brothers) that she slept with one of her coworkers about two years ago, she mentioned (although did not try to justify her behavior) that it was an emotional/drunk mistake and that my dad had told her he was no longer interested in sex and that they should have a platonic relationship (I think this may have been temporary).


My dad guessed something was wrong, she told him, they went to therapy, he was very jealous and wanted to read all of her emails. I got a call from him about a year and a half ago wanting to know if I had called x number on x date, because I'm on my parents phone plan and at one point we had switched phones, so my dad wanted to know if I was calling my friend or if my mom had been cheating on him with someone else.

My dad passed away two months ago from cancer, he fought it for three years.  My mom is a nurse and she took great care of him, essentially living in his hospital room at the end.  Even though it was fairly expected, we are a close family and it's been really tough on all of us.  

My mom seems to want to start dating. She is still friends with the coworker she had an affair with, I think they stopped hanging out after the affair, but are starting to hang out and she seems to want me to meet him. When my (adopted) sister told me about this guy and an old friend she's potentially interested in, I was excited for her, abstractly I want my mom to be happy and date. However when I heard that she was actually hanging out with the guy she slept with, it made me very upset.

I'm staying with her for the next month, so it's not like I can make up an excuse to get off the phone, which I do sometimes when conversations with her get too draining.  So . . . should I just suck it up? I know without a doubt how much she loved my dad and she deserves to be happy. Yet the thought of her dating makes me uncomfortable. Just last night we were talking about a friend of hers who had bad luck online dating, I mentioned some of my friends who lucked out online dating and she proceeded to talk about whether she should try it. I mentioned that she should reconnect with some of her girlfriends, (hint, hint — in my head I'm thinking, mom why don't you wait a few months before even thinking about this) but she did not get the hint.

Do I tell her that I don't want to talk to her about this topic and I don't really want to meet her coworker.? She's (understandably) a bit emotional these days so I don't want her to feel like she can't talk to me.  Any insight would be appreciated.

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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