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Moving For a Boyfriend

Group Therapy: Boyfriend May Get a Job in Another State

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

My boyfriend works for Target, and is hoping to get promoted to headquarters up in Minneapolis. We currently live in Indiana, where most of my family is. We live together now. I'm pretty happy where I am now, and have a job I enjoy. However, if he were to move to Minneapolis, I feel I would want to go with him. But is this asking too much? 

We have discussed marriage and neither are particularly ready to jump in. My mom thinks I shouldn't move with him unless he gives me an engagement ring. I don't want to be the reason we get engaged to be because we have to, or it's the "smart thing." The job market for my career isn't the greatest, so I don't know if I'll be able to find work easily.

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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jaunteecap jaunteecap 6 years
Don't rush it. Move when you have a ring and a date. A good friend got accepted to Med School across the country after falling in love with the guy of her dreams. The short of it: She moved away for school. They made the distance work. They got married and are expecting a girl. When it's right, it's right.
wolfpackgal wolfpackgal 6 years
I'm in the same situation, except we don't live together. Ideally, I would like to be engaged before I make a huge decision like that. BUT, if we aren't by the time he moves, I must have a job lined up. I will not move if I don't have a job. Snarkypants said everything that I would say. The only difference for me is that my family lives where I am now, so I would be moving 9 hours away from them.
snarkypants snarkypants 6 years
i'm kind of going through the same thing right now...not to the same extreme, but similar. we sat down and talked about it, and he said he'd like me to come with him. absolutely no talk of marriage or anything...that's not too high on our priority list. in your case, i wouldn't bring getting married into the equation, for the reasons others have already mentioned. but, i will not move until i find a job. if that means we're stuck doing the long-distance thing for a year, so be it. i do not want to be dependent on him. for me, the move makes 100% sense. it's closer to my family and i already have a bunch of friends there. new city = new opportunities...and that's something i really don't want to pass up.
LaSigh LaSigh 6 years
Are you pre-engaged? I mean, like this is something that you're not ready for yet (understandably) but he is it for you and you are it for him? (Got an answer?) However, you answer that is your answer. And uncertainty means no. At least that's how I see it :) Good luck!
Fenax Fenax 6 years
Follow your heart along with your head. Don't forgo the one for the other. The logical thing to do is to stay put and maintain the relationship from a distance. Love isn't about losing yourself or your life -- or at least it shouldn't be....that is not healthy. It is co-dependent. You are an independent, healthy person and hopefully he is as well....that is good. Eventually the other part will fall in line -- but it shouldn't be based on rash moves or because of one person's Better interest. That is his life and it is a good move for him. He isn't sacrificing his new job by staying there for you -- which is wise on his part. So, think about it. In Light, Fenax
totygoliguez totygoliguez 6 years
I think you should start by looking for a job before moving there.
Vanonymous Vanonymous 6 years
I think you sound really level-headed about this. You're right, you shouldn't rush into engagement because of this. But I also agree with you that you should go with him and try something new. You're family lives in Indiana, so I'm sure you're welcome back at any time if anything goes wrong. Also, if it helps, Minneapolis is one of my favorite cities in the country!
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