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Moving In With Boyfriend When Parents Don't Approve

Boyfriend Wants Me to Move Out and In With Him, Parents Don't

This post comes from Group Therapy in our TrèsSugar Community. Feel free to add your advice in the comments!

Hello all. I need help! I am 24 years old and currently in a two-year relationship. We are very serious, in love, and discussing our future together. I live at home with my parents because I am trying to save up money for when I go back to school in the Fall. I also plan on living at home during that time as well. Problem is, my boyfriend wants me to move in with him so we are able to spend more time together, especially since school will take up most of my time.

My parents on the other hand are completely against this. They have strong beliefs that I should be married and not living in sin. They have me kind of roped in because they have decided to pay for my schooling. I am so confused and do not know what to do. If I move in with my boyfriend, my parents may hate me forever and may not pay for my tuition, but if I stay at home then my boyfriend thinks we won't be able to spend as much time together and the relationship will suffer. My boyfriend and I have such a great relationship and this issue is the only one we ever get into an argument over. Should he be more understanding of my parents wishes, or should I be more understanding of his? What is the solution?!

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Join The Conversation
Joanna300 Joanna300 6 years
Education, education, education..... Ask you boyfriend if he will pay for your education, if the answer is yes, then by all means do what you want. However............ PLEASE remember that your parents are much, much wiser than you realize right now.. I have ate my words more than once with mine.. If I could go back and do things over that my mother warned me against, I would turn back the hands of time right now and hang this crappy job, lazy husband, and mortgage payment out to dry.... It's to late for me to get an education and have my relationship back with the only people that ever truly loved me, but for you.... not yet... Please ... your parents are trying to help you and they are using the only leverage they have, let them help you..... I promise you that if he wants to spend more time with you, he will find a way without it being so upsetting to your parents and your future
mward2012 mward2012 7 years
I am in the same dilemma. Problem with mine is that I'm living with my parents to get a job to pay for going back to college and in May my boyfriend and I are moving in together but my parents will disown me if we do because I am in an interracial relationship. If you guys are only moving in together to spend more time with each other than I'm not quite sure how that's going to work out for you. My boyfriend and I have been discussing marriage soon and spending the rest of our lives together and moving in is to help us prepare for that. Make sure you're moving in because you love him and not because you miss him.
annajf annajf 7 years
Your boyfriend loves you and just wants to have you all to himself, all the time. That is really sweet and he obviously thinks you are a great girl. However, you have the rest of your life to be together, and you should be glad you have your parents support. You're boyfriend will always be there and when you live together once your ready it will be great. When you live with someone things can get quite routine and you get 'used' to them being around all the time and things need to be 'freshened up' every once in a while. You should just enjoy the fact you have a wonderful relationship at this moment, and don't spend time arguing about things that are in the future. Live for now. Everything else will fall into place.
sourcherry sourcherry 7 years
You don't seem to feel strongly one way or the other, which leads me to believe that you're not ready to live with your boyfriend and pay the bills yourself. It's very hard, and unless your mind is completely set on being independent and running your own life, you should probably wait and stay with your parents. Besides, wanting to spend more time together is not a good enough reason to move in, in my opinion... However I do think living together before marriage is important, and you shouldn't just give in to your parent's wishes on such a crucial matter.
jransom94 jransom94 7 years
It all depends on what you want out of life. Do want your parents detecting your every moves or do you want to be cuddled up with your boo; and still save your own money to go to school and do your own thing
bchicgrl bchicgrl 7 years
honestly I think the parents should butt out, she's 24 an adult. She's been with her bf for over 2 yrs not 2 months. However I think the bf should also respect what his gf wants and the reasoning behind him wanting her to move in is completely juvenile. I do agree that you should live together before committing to a marriage because like others said you don't really know someone until you live with them. Me and my now husband (together for 4 yrs now) moved in together 6 months before we got engaged and just got married last summer. I've had friends whose marriages have failed because they didn't live together first and when they did cohabitate found out they couldn't stand one another. Overall this should be a decision they make together when the time is right and not because he is afraid he won't get to see her as often.
sparklestar sparklestar 7 years
I moved out when I was 16 and I've really struggled financially since then. I've put myself through college and University and am now a postgrad. It's been HARD. I should have taken the easy route and stayed at home another few years. If your relationship with your boyfriend is MEANT TO BE then it'll still be meant to be in a few years. Five years would be a good time for you to move in together anyway, so give it a few more and have some free living til then !! You and your boyfriend would STRUGGLE so HARD if you were to move out now and have to finance yourself through college. Don't do it.
runningesq runningesq 7 years
Dude, if they are paying for school, stay home until you're done.
chillchic chillchic 7 years
I say stay home. Unless he can support you the way your parents can, then you are just adding extra stress and unnecessary finanical problems to your plate. I don't want to scare you, but relationships don't always last forever, but that degree is yours to keep. And your parents are less likely to let you down than your boyfriend. If he really loves oyu, he will understand that your future comes first. If he really sees himself in your future, then a few years where you are a little more busy shouldn't be to much of a strain.
weffie weffie 7 years
Why doesn't he pay your tuition then? If he can't, he has no right to complain.
CaterpillarGirl CaterpillarGirl 7 years
Stay home with your parents, follow through on your plan. If your boyfriend doesnt understand this, he isnt the one for you. I hate to break it to him but in real life? couples dont spend 24/7 with eachother.
starbucks2 starbucks2 7 years
I say stay home until you really know what you want. Like mentioned before, it seems you were content with living with your parents until he came up with moving in together. I think it is wrong of them to take away they're money if you moved out, but they're money, they're rules! I don't have a problem with moving in together before marriage, matter of fact, here in Germany I don't know anyone who hasn't lived together before they even got engaged. And yeah, those statistics are bull. Like mentioned before, people who are against living in sin are probably against divorce, too, so they stick it out. I am very glad I moved in with my boyfriend (and after 2 years of living together he hasn't proposed, which I couldn't care less about. It's not my ultimate goal to have someone marry me!) My brother and his girlfriend moved in together after 5 years and within the course of about 3 months they realized they really weren't a good match. Thank God they didn't find that out after getting married. And I must mention that again. I am so sick of this fascination with marriage. What century is this? Don't give up the milk for free? What if I would like some milk myself? Put a ring on it? Like every girlfriend is just whinih to her boyfriend to propose. Maybe some women want to wait to? Obviously there are differences between the countries, but it's just funny that the country with the biggest porn industry is so traditional and conservative sometimes...
Autumns_Elegy Autumns_Elegy 7 years
I completely agree with and support pre-marriage cohabitation. I wouldn't want to marry someone then discover I can't stand his habit of clipping his toenails in the lounge, or find out that he leaves his undies on the floor for days, and he might find my neurotic fridge shelving (meat goes BELOW veggies!) to be the biggest pain. However your boy should be more considerate, there are always ways to spend time together regardless of study. My partner and I only see each other once a week due to study and a full time job but we talk every night over the internet, text each other and make sure we stay in touch soo the relationship doesn't suffer. When we do get to see eachother more often we like to go out for dinner, or a movie or just do something fun, even if it's hitting the pub for a pint. There's tons of ways to manage a relationship without moving in.
Lyv Lyv 7 years
"Living in sin"... that's what my father thinks, too. Parents can be such douches. But they've got the money, they make the rules. You're better off staying at home & working on becoming financially independent as soon as possible. You can still secretly hate them. :shrug:
cdelaney cdelaney 7 years
I agree with many of the posters above. My situation was quite similar to xgreenfairyx's. My parental dynamic was suffocating and highly controlling--I moved in with my then fiance, now husband, and have never looked back. I put myself through school on my own and am better for it. I think that it really depends on your specific situation and only you can make that determination. We only have one life and we can only live it the best and truest that we can. Whatever you decide, I think it is important to make your decision based on what you really want and what would be best for you--don't feel pressured by your boyfriend or parents.
imLissy imLissy 7 years
that statistic is bull by the way. If you adjust for the amount of time people live together total before and after marriage, you're almost just as likely to get divorced after the same amount of years. The other difference is made up by the fact that people who live together before marriage tend to be less religious, more liberal and less likely to be against the idea of a divorce. correlation does not equal causation!
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