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Moving Without a Commitment: Good Idea or Bad Idea?

Would you quit your job, leave your friends and family to move cities for your boyfriend without an engagement ring on your finger? Many couples have different opinions on what a commitment means and every situation is different, but most women feel strongly about this scenario one way or another. These days, couples are reinventing the old fashion ways, so ladies, how do you feel? Do you think it is a good idea or a bad idea to take a leap of faith and move to a foreign place with your boyfriend without him getting down on bended knee?


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jadenirvana jadenirvana 8 years
That said, I'd always wanted to live in California. So, my rule would be, don't move anywhere you wouldn't otherwise want to live. Or, alternatively, don't live anywhere cold:)
jadenirvana jadenirvana 8 years
I did this. I moved to Santa Barbara to be with my boyfriend. We broke up one year later. It was still one of the most fun years of my life and I made some lifelong friends. No biggie!
kh61582 kh61582 10 years
My situation is sort of reversed. I'm graduating college in December and I'm moving to either NYC or Chicago after that. My boyfriend and I have talked about him coming a lot but no decision has been made yet. He's a lot older than me so I feel bad asking him to change his life around for me but I will not drop my career goals for a relationship. I love him but I have my doubts about our compatibility so I don't want to get married the second we move. I want to live together for awhile and make sure that we can make it work in the life I intend to make for myself. It's a lot to ask of him and I know that he thinks we should get married right away. I guess we'll just have to see when the time comes...
kins kins 10 years
i don't think it depends on the actual ring...but it definitely matters whether you guys are on the same page and whether you're moving for the right reasons. Moving because you're scared to lose him is the WORST reason. My ex bf asked me to move across the country to be with him even though we were already on shaky ground because he'd betrayed my trust and never really made it up to me. It was a hard decision because I loved him but I decided that I couldn't move just to see whether or not we could actually work out. You have to be pretty certain that you have a good chance of working out. After I broke up with him, he pettily threw in my face the "fact" that he was planning on proposing this summer. Even if this were true, I know the ring would have just been a sparkly bandaid covering up all our problems and wouldn't have made a difference in the long run.
lickety-split lickety-split 10 years
if you just want a roommate or are casually dating and want an adventure sure, why not? but if you want a serious relationship chances are the other person isn't going to think things need to change after you move. i wouldn't have done this and don't know anyone that has. but the women i know who waited to discuss a commitment were all shocked to find out that their partner didn't have the same goals in mind that they did. one of them turned 40 recently and her ex is married to another woman and has a baby. any expectations you have should be talked about after you become a "couple". otherwise you are setting yourself up for dissapointment.
courtneyd courtneyd 10 years
It totally depends on whether or not you want to move. If you don't really want to move, and you do just because of the boyfriend, you'll probably end up resenting him for the move, because you miss your family, friends, old job, etc. I've been through this (and there's now a ring on my finger), but I feel the big difference was I would have wanted to move whether or not the boyfriend was involved. We both lived in the midwest, didn't like it, had family on the east coast (so no one, other than friends, that we were really tied to there). We had dated for 2 1/2 years when he got a job offer in northern Cali. So for the next few months I worked very hard to make my own job opportunity happen, and it did. So we moved. At times I did resent the fact that he didn't want to move in with me after we got to California (I was making the same amount of money I had made in the mid-west, but my rent in Cali was twice as much, not to mention everything else). But, ultimately I was happy that I was no longer in Kansas City, no matter the lifestyle I could have here. 2 1/2 years after moving to Cali, we're engaged -- getting married in August. And we're also now sharing an apartment, so the money stretches a little further :-)
katie225 katie225 10 years
having a ring doesn't make a relationship more solid, it just makes people stay together for the wrong reasons.
Blue-Sarah Blue-Sarah 10 years
1,100 miles, no ring, 3 years into our relationship and we still couldn't be happier.
ashangel5002 ashangel5002 10 years
ashLEY I met my now fiance when I was 18 years old. I was just out of high school and was pretty much on my own although I was living with my grandparents. We met in October of 2005, he was in the Air Force and was leaving in December. We dated, had our ups and downs and got really close towards the time he needed to leave. It wasn't planned before he left... but he eventually asked me to come be with him. So my little 18... well by then 19 year old ass packed up my stuff and set out across the country. From northern Minnesota to Norhtern Florida to a place I have never been before, for a guy I had known 3 months. I didn't have a ring on my finger, but I still did it. Him asking me to be with him was a committment enough. I had my reservations and so did my family and friends. THey all thought I was absolutely crazy to move across the country alone, but I did it anyways. I stayed with my mom who lives 7 hours from us until we could actually move in together. I lived alone in our place for a month or 2 in a strange neighborhood and it was scary, but still a little fun. We finally "lived" together in February of 2006. He proposed this past Christmas and now we're getting married this January! So ring or not... I'm glad I took the plunge.
nicachica nicachica 10 years
i'm not sure if it matters that you're engaged or not, it's that you need to be on the same page of the relationship. it seems like a lot of problems stem from one person wanting marriage and one person being perfectly happy with just living together. i am going to move in with my boyfriend this summer but i told him in no uncertain words that moving in was extremely serious to me and i thought it meant a real future together. if we're not engaged within 1-2 years, we'll have to re-evaluate because i feel like you should know by then (although we both already know we want to be together but are taking our time). we'll see how it goes! Hey Dear, maybe you can post a guide for tips on living with a significant other? :)
honeysugar28 honeysugar28 10 years
I didn't choose either or because it all depends on the person and the relationship. Everyone's personality and beliefs are different. I've seen cases where the couple is happy and others when it didn't work. I do believe that before considering moving in the relationship should be solid because things change when you live toguether. Get to know each other well and this only comes with time.
pinupsweetheart pinupsweetheart 10 years
p.s: And I don't think you need a ring on your finger to make a personal commitment like moving.
pinupsweetheart pinupsweetheart 10 years
This is what I did one month ago. I had lived in Southern California all my life - but started to get into a serious relationship with a guy who lived in Arizona. We kept the long distance relationship up for a good year. I flew 16 times in 11 months to see him. Finally we had gotten to a point were we wanted to take our relationship to the next level. I had wanted to get away from the So Cal area anyways - so I made the big leap and moved out here. I transferred within my company so I was able to keep my insurance and benefits. But I had to leave my family and friends behind – which were part of the reason I wanted to move anyways. Even though it has only been a month, I can see the benefits are starting to show. I am happier, healthier and closer to my guy. We have our own daily lives and we are finding more of a balance between the two of us than we did over 400 miles away. We are also discovering new things about each other and trying to learn how to co-exist in the same area. But the thing I love the most – is I can now be a real girlfriend. I get to go on dinner dates with him, go to the movies, clubs, and snuggle on the couch with him on Saturday night etc. I never had that when I could only afford to see him for three days once every other month and I had to have my personal belongings sorted through by TSA.
SparkleSugar SparkleSugar 10 years
I agree with Pop.... My boyfriend and I are no where near ready to be married, but we have discussed it. He might be moving away for med school, and if he does, I'll be going too, and I don't expect a ring.
Daisy6264 Daisy6264 10 years
Not sure. I've never had to make A decision like this.
brookrene brookrene 10 years
I just went through this. Didnt have a ring on my finger. Left my job, plus benefits, quit my gym, told all my friends and family goodbye, put in my notice at the apartment complex, and disconnected all my utilities. He backed out at the last minute. Had no where to go. BUT, i dont think that a ring wouldve made any difference. I think i made the mistake with the man. So I do think it's a good idea if you really love and trust the guy. Why not move ahead to another exciting part of your life? It could very well be worth it.
candy-apple candy-apple 10 years
I think a ring is a pretty ridiculous concept nowadays, with all the divorces and whatnot. i mean your relationship's level of commitment should be simbolized by a wedding/ring, not secured by it! and as for that question: I think it's a wonderful idea as long as everyone's aware of the risks and willing to take it regardless. that's what my boyfriend will be doing in a few months: he's crossing nine time zones to be with me and if I could (i can't quit school), I'd do the same in a heartbeat! :)
ash_marisa ash_marisa 10 years
I think it really depends on whether or not you have discussed the future before you move. For couples who have discussed and strongly considered marriage, it tends to work more often than for couples who have not had this conversation. I met my man when I moved states away from everyone I knew for grad school. When grad school came to an end 2 yrs later, instead of moving back home to my friends and family, I decided to move in my boyfriend, after having a long talk about the future. We got engaged 6 months later!
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 10 years
I hate to say it but even if you have a ring, a relationship can implode regardless. If you feel it, you have to take the risk, ring or not.
Daylyn Daylyn 10 years
This is somethign that has already come up in my relationship. My BF will be graduating in December and we have already talked about the "what if's" if he gets a job outside of the state. And luckily for me, one of the first things he said was he doesn't expect me to move without some sort of commitment and that he wants me to be with him every step of the way. So that made me happy, I guess we'll see what happens in teh up coming months :)
nannyblogger nannyblogger 10 years
That's what happened with us, too, sbgirl...we met March 11, 2005 and got married March 11, 2006...that's weird our situations were so similar! :)
sbgirl sbgirl 10 years
Well I was in this exact situation in the beginning of 2006. My then-boyfriend wanted me to move up and I really wanted to move up to be with him as well. It meant quitting my job, renting out my house and leaving my family and friends. However, I just knew it was the right thing to do. While I didn't have a ring on my finger until about 3 months after I moved, we definitely had talked about getting married and knew that we both wanted to do so. It was definitely hard to explain to my parents and others that I was just up & moving without a 'definite' commitment but I knew it was the right thing to do. I truly believe that you know when the relationship is going to go to the next level. I married my husband a year to the day of our first meeting and we are so, so happy! Moving up here was the biggest risk I ever took in my whole life but it definitely paid off! :)
SeptemberLights SeptemberLights 10 years
So get a ring first !
SeptemberLights SeptemberLights 10 years
I can just say from experience...Bad Idea...I just got out of a 2 1/2 year relationship and i moved over 200 miles away from my friends and family to be with him, and after only 1 year of being up here now were over and i barley know anyone up here ouside of my relationship.
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