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Mr. Right, But Not Right Now

Dear Sugar
I met an amazing guy almost immediately after a break up. I had just gotten out of a 3 1/2 year relationship and wasn't emotionally ready to start something right away, but at the same time he's too good to let go.

It's been five months and I am finally starting to see a future with him. But ... I don't know if I am ready to be a girlfriend again. I still think that I want more time to focus on myself, yet I don't want to let him go.

How can I keep him interested and grow closer to him while managing to keep enough distance between us so I feel independent? Conflicted Carys

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Conflicted Carys
Nice work - you've got yourself a keeper. He's been patient with you through your many breakdowns post break-up and has still stuck by your side. He must really like you. I am sure he sees that your traffic light is yellow: and that he's proceeding with caution.

Now it's time for you to throw him a bone. You need to make a choice. Are you ready for love again or not? You can't keep stringing him along; it's not fair to either one of you. Plus, how passionate can you actually be if something is holding you back from taking things to the next level?

If time is what you need, then take it and be alone until you can see what you're missing. Timing is everything and unfortunately, you can't help that you met him when you did.

Taking a break may be just the clarity that you are seeking. Just realize, that you are risking that Mr. Right might take flight and become someone else's Prince Charming. I believe that everything happens the way they do for a reason; have faith and listen to your gut instincts for guidance.

Join The Conversation
heatherp heatherp 10 years
maybe you think he's a keeper bc that's what you want to see and he has all of these qualities that your ex did not have.
kylake kylake 10 years
I agree with Sabrina. That's a good way to go about it!
pinkangelmonkey pinkangelmonkey 10 years
haha yaya you are nuts! i came out of two abusive relationships right in a row and was not looking for anyone but i found the best guy in the world! he has been my bf for 4 1/2 years now and im so glad i waddled through uncertainty bc im sooooo happy and in such a good place. dont give him up, being in a relationship does not equal dependancy. tell him you want to go slow and he will understand. just give it time and you will be ready for all that he has to offer you!
yayita yayita 10 years
I say showing him what you feel, you can be a girlfriend and still be independent. I say go for it! Seduce him and eat him up :)
Adriana42 Adriana42 10 years
keep him
sabrinaland sabrinaland 10 years
There's no reason you can't be more independent while still being with your new guy. Invest in yourself and do fun and productive things that will make you feel great and that are completely separate from him - like train for a 10K charity run, take a photography class or volunteer at the local children's theatre, or whatever! As long as you are involved in something that holds your interest! You'll feel more independent and he'll feel like he's got a cool multi-faceted girlfriend. Plus, you'll have more to talk about when you are together.
tra tra 10 years
Trust your heart. 9 months after a breakup from a 3.5 year relationship I met a wonderful guy. I was unsure and kept telling myself that it was too soon for another relationship...he's now my husband.
My-Opinion My-Opinion 10 years
Tell him how you feel, are you wanting an open relationship? cause with some guys if you put too much "distance" between ya'll and you don't tell him that you are thinking of a future with him, then he may think it's okay to go out with other people and might think that you just want to be his "best" girl, that's what I would think, cause clearly you're not ready for a relationship! Being involved with someone doesn't mean you have to give up your independance either! especially if he's this super guy and all, he'll give you your independance but don't "NOT" tell him what you're doing though..
ethiopian_princess ethiopian_princess 10 years
i wouldn't let him go....
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