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Must We Stay Friends Forever?

Dear Sugar
I am a senior in college and I have a group of five close girlfriends. I live with two of them, and across the hall are three more. We all met our freshman year but lately, it seems like a few of us have been growing apart. Our schedules are all so different and we rarely get to hang out as a group, but when we do, it feels so forced.

Everyone is either talking to other people on their cell phones the whole time, or we just sit around in an awkward silence at a big table looking down or looking through each other at everyone who walks by. The weirdest is when we reminisce about about how much fun we used to have together.

I will always be there for these girls if they ever need me, but I really just don't like spending time with them anymore. I don't feel like we have in common what we used to and I would like my space from them. I feel pressure to hang out with them and it seems like it's been more work than fun recently. Do you have any advise as to how I should handle this situation? Growing up Gwen

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Growing up Gwen
As we get older, we often grow in different directions from our friends. This is a completely natural progression that happens all the time, so don't be too hard on yourself. College is a time to mature and develop; it's not abnormal that you feel a distance from them. When you met, you were four years younger and fresh out of high school.

The great thing is that you live with these girls so you don't necessarily have to socialize outside of your apartment. Try spending quality time together at home where you all feel comfortable and at ease. Sometimes rehashing old times can be fun and entertaining, and you never know, those old times could bring you closer.

Just because you are not best buds with these girls anymore doesn't mean you can't still remain friendly. Forcing relationships with them might make you pull back even more so try letting the friendships progress naturally and see what happens. If you still feel like a break up is in order, at least you can say you gave it your all.

Join The Conversation
Jinx Jinx 10 years
If you will be there for them and they you for always, then you will be friends forever, no matter if you don't always see them or hang with them. Just be sure they know that. You may be the one to need to turn to them someday. ~Procrastinate Now! Don't Put It Off~ (Ellen)
Fancy04 Fancy04 10 years
It happened to me when I was in college.
cubadog cubadog 10 years
The same thing happened to me when I was in college. Towards the end I realized the people that I thought of as friends are not people that I had anything in common with and when it came down to it I really didn't like them as people. I am not saying to write anyone off but let things run their natural course and you will know who you want in your life as time goes on!
sofi sofi 10 years
You guys all live so close to one another that you probably have more opportunities when everyone is home. I bet everyone is thinking the same thing-that it's forced, so why not get everybody together one night to talk. Stress what great friends you all are but say that everyone is getting so busy- boys, jobs, finishing school, etc..... Maybe you guys have a night, Thurs or Friday that is anyone (not necessarily everyone) is free you can watch a movie together. Nothing forced, but whoever wants to spend time together knows that night is an option- however often they choose. No one wants to hurt anyone, but this way no one feels they have to go out of their way when they don't feel like it. Movies are great- you don't have to go far and who needs to talk. good luck-
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