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My Best Friend Hates My Fiance

Dear Sugar
I met one of my best friends in graduate school while going through a terrible breakup. She was always there for me and was very instrumental in helping me move on in my life. We remained very close after graduation but have since drifted apart.

Post graduation, I got a full time job and met a guy who I live with. The beginning stages of my relationship were quite tumultuous and my girl friend immediately took a dislike to him. My boyfriend and I have worked out all our differences and have since become engaged. We are madly in love and he makes me very happy.

Since my fiance and I started living together, I don't see my friend as much anymore. We try to makes plans but they never seem to work out. Since I am now a on a budget I try to suggest other alternatives to going out to dinner as I am trying to save money for the wedding. Every time I ask her to come over, she won't because she doesn't want to be around my fiance and every time I ask her if I can come over to her place, she complains that it's too messy. The excuses just go on and on.

I have an amazing life and my best friend has become quite a thorn in my side. It pains me to think this way about someone I used to be so close with and I have no idea how to mend this situation. I really don't want to lose her but I can't go on with the incessant guilt trip she hands me. Any insight would be greatly appreciated. Overwhelmed Olivia

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Overwhelmed Olivia
Going through rough patches with friends is totally normal, but can be very painful. It sounds like you and your gal pal have been through a lot together and she means a great deal to you. Mending a broken friendship can take a lot of work, but rediscovering each other could be a blessing in disguise.

Since you will be spending the rest of your life with this man, it is important that your best gal pal warms up to him. Perhaps creating an environment where they can spend more time together and get to know each other will allow her to see how well he treats you and how happy you are together. It sounds like her overprotective ways are preventing her from giving him a chance.

Being frugal with your money while saving for your wedding is important. Spending quality time together does not always require spending a lot of money. Since your friend doesn't feel comfortable coming over to your place and doesn't seem to want company at hers, try suggesting taking a walk, grabbing coffee, or having a picnic in the park.

Having a heart felt discussion with your friend is a must. Let her know how important her friendship is to you and how much you would love her support during this time in your life. Tell her that although people change, there is still a way to make old friendships work. Growing apart from old friends can be very trying, but if you both put forth the effort to making it work, you could come out of this trying time closer than ever.

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