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Is My Best Friend Into My Boyfriend?

"Is My Best Friend Into My Boyfriend?"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

How close is too close when it comes to your boyfriend and other girls? When have they crossed a line?

I've been dating a guy for nearly a year now and we're very close, practically talking every day. The complication comes in with my best friend, who I've known for ten years and who is also one of his best friends. They are really close and talk almost every day — sometimes she calls late at night after she knows I've fallen asleep — they have inside jokes, and even talk on the computer for hours on end. I know friendships are based on trust and being able to talk to one another openly, which is why I don't mind that they talk, but when they are actually around each other she starts to get a lot closer to him. She is always finding ways to touch him — his hair, arms, stomach — and even bites him!


I've tried to ask her if she has feelings for him, but she says she never could because he is my boyfriend and she wouldn't hurt me. Has she taken a step too far? What should I do?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously on Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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Join The Conversation
Quriosity Quriosity 5 years
There's "good friend" and "boyfriend/girlfriend" boundary, and it sounds like the bf/gf boundary is crossed. Thing is, yes your best friend is also very good and close friends with your bf, but that doesn't mean there's no boundary. And this maybe where you and your bf need to sit down and figure out where the line is drawn because it could well possibly be that your friend and bf don't know that it's not normal to act like that towards someone else's partner because they are used to being like that before you and your bf started dating. 
ChrissyLee ChrissyLee 5 years
If your gut says it's fishy, it's fishy.  The reason she gave you when you asked her if she had feelings for him says that she probably does and isn't acting any further on them because of you.  While that's all well and good she's still crossing some lines.  You've already talked to her, now it's time to speak with your man.  He needs to know how you feel, because he's allowing this behavior to continue.  I would not be okay with my friends touching my boyfriend and calling him late at night, and I know if these things did happen he wouldn't feel right about it either.  It's time to make it clear that he needs to set some boundaries if he wants to hold on to you.  
chasta chasta 5 years
I've found that in situations like these there are always feelings on at least one person's side. There will be denial, but it's there, and just based on the information you gave it sounds like it's on her end. Men and women can be friends without being in love but when lines get crossed, which they definitely are here, it means there's something more. I see you're spoken to her about her feelings but your main concern should be speaking to him. Let him know you're uncomfortable with their level of intimacy and ask him to either put a stop to it or ease up on the behavior.
henna-red henna-red 5 years
When best friends are of both sexes, the lines can get a little fuzzy. And since you're the newest person in the mix, here, it's important to be clear about your boundaries....but as plmnko says....your boundaries could have negative consequences for your friendships. If you are uncomfortable with something, it's best to address it. But remember that you are dealing with two people you care for who have already established their boundaries comfortably for themselves. Hopefully, if you treat this issue in a respectful way, you will receive a respectful response. This isn't about blame, or accusations, it's about boundaries and what you each feel is appropriate for different relationships. I'd suggest talking to them together about it, since you've asked your girlfriend if she has feelings.....she obviously does, and she expresses them physicaly. If that makes you uncomfortable, it's perfectly acceptable to mention this......hopefully, they will understand your distress and react with reassurances. But as plmnko says, are you prepared to a rejection of your concerns? Because, right or wrong, it could go that way also.
plmnko plmnko 5 years
It all comes down to what you're comfortable with,if you dont like their physical contact then its crossing a line to you. Some people might be ok with it others aren't. If you're uncomfortable you should talk to both of them about it. Be prepared for a possible fallout,but if you don't like their closeness then isn't it worth it? Would you rather try to tolerate their relationship and keep them or talk about it and possibly lose them? Its up to you.
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