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My Boyfriend Always Hangs Out With His Friends

"My Boyfriend Invites His Friends Everywhere We Go"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I need some female opinions, other than my own friends who are obviously on my side.

I'm 26, been with my BF for over a year. We are great. He is great. Life is good.

I have ONE major issue with him . . . he invites his friends EVERYWHERE with us. For example, we had a rainy day on Sunday and just lounged at his place that he shares with his two roommates (a married couple) they were out of town so I figured it would be nice to have a day to just lounge the two of us. Nope. We decided to go to dinner and of course, he invites his friend without even asking. We are supposed to go away this weekend to his family's lake house, and he wants to invite his other friend. We went to a movie last week, and he invited another friend. Seriously? I don't invite my girlfriends everywhere we go, and if I want to, I at least ask him. I have discussed this issue with him before, and I have said can you at least ASK me if I mind if anyone else comes? I don't want him to myself 100 percent of the time, but seriously, his friends take up all his time and I would like to have a little alone time with him once in a while cause when we hang out at his house, there's always tons of people there (BTW — his roommate, the wife, hates this too). I am happy my BF has a nice circle of friends, but seriously, I don't want to go everywhere with them! But then when he does ask me, I feel like a jerk if I say no, and he tells them no and then they have something to gripe about and say "what's wrong with your GF why can't I come with you" I've already discussed this with him a few times, but he doesn't seem to be getting the point. Any suggestions? He is so good with listening usually, just not on this topic!

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jamigi jamigi 5 years
I think you need to grow a back bone. :)  I say that in a friendly way.  You say he asks you, but then you 'feel like a jerk' if you say no. You're sending him mixed messages. If you don't want them to come say no when he asks.  If everyone involved are adults then no ones should  think anything is wrong with you for wanting one on one time with your boyfriend.
missmaryb missmaryb 5 years
Definitely say no every now and then. If you don't speak up he won't realize you're annoyed by it until you blow your stack one of these days. And if you continue to let it slide, and eventually get married, then he will turn into a husband who has friends over all the time.
BiWife BiWife 5 years
I'm betting the vast majority of his friends are not in committed relationships. That's why they don't understand couples needing alone time. They might have a girlfriend here and there, but it's mostly a glorified booty call that they take out in public occasionally, so it's not as if they have to consider her feelings much outside of "I'd better take her to dinner/movie tonight if I want to get laid this weekend". They might be great *friends* but terrible *boyfriends*, as most guys are at that age. I would fight feeling like a jerk saying no, because if you never say no, then what was the purpose of having him ask beforehand? Sure it shows he's considering you, but after a while it'll end up being something he does out of rote while being certain you'll say yes anyways. Let that go on too long and it feels out of place/out of character to suddenly start using the "no". There is zero wrong with you occasionally wanting him to yourself so you two can be intimate - and not just between the sheets. But try not to take things too personally, your bf most likely just doesn't realize that he's always dragging friends along and should leave them behind once in a while.
Aquadave Aquadave 5 years
That's what young guys do. they have to hang with their buds and ignore their GFs feelings and needs
chasta chasta 5 years
I wouldn't worry about feeling like a jerk by saying no when he asks. While a couple definitely shouldn't close themselves off and shut everyone out, they do need alone time. How can two people really get to know each other if they don't spend one-on-one time with one another? Maybe he's afraid of intimacy. I say don't be afraid to demand some alone time with him or if you are too worried about coming across as a jerk then make some plans and surprise him, that way he won't even have time to invite others.
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