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My Boyfriend Found Religion

"My Boyfriend Found Religion, and Our Relationship Is Changing"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

My boyfriend and I have been together for 10 years (we aren't married or engaged) and he has suddenly found god and religion. I am not religious and honestly it kind of irritates me. He has known this from the time we got together and I feel like now this is a game changer. He said he wouldn't talk about it much but I feel like it's almost all I hear about now. Like I said I am not a fan of all of the religion as I was raised a Catholic and it was shoved down my throat. Now he tells me I'm being self righteous and selfish about things that I have always had the same views on. I don't know what to do I feel like the relationship has changed and I know it will continue to get under my skin. I've told him I don't want anything to do with religion and that I really don't want to hear about all these things but I hear them anyway. It's definitely not something I'm interested in and I feel irritated. After 10 years and now a whole new set of beliefs. Can this even work?

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henna-red henna-red 4 years
You are neither selfish nor self righteous. You have a right to your beliefs, a right to your boundaries and a right to have those boundaries respected, and to not be harrassed about your choice of faith or no faith.
OhMyKatniss OhMyKatniss 4 years
hes right you are selfish and self righteous. get over yourself and maybe you can open your iron clad mind to better things.
Iliy Iliy 4 years
I personally think a relationship between a "believer" and "non-believer" will never go all the way. I mean think about the stuff that awaits you : marriage - he will see it differently than you, as a religious man. kids- he will want to raise them "religiously" too, and you might disagree. There will be fundamental things that you'll disagree on, and that's not really ok, nor should things be like that in a serious relationship. The only way to keep this going is by talking to him- tell him that if his new visions will not interfere with your way of life - as a future family, as a solid couple- he can believe in whatever he wants. If not, I think it's kind of an irreconcilable situation. Good luck!
luckyduckyy luckyduckyy 4 years
Is there something bad going on in his life- something sad, tragic, stressful, etc? Sometimes, people "find" God when they're having a difficult time- you can view it as a sort of phase. But don't hold onto hope that this is what it is- only you can tell. One clue may be if he has an obsessive personality- does he take up hobbies and drop them soon after? Is he passionate, and does that passion fade fast? I know plenty of people that have found and lost God and religion on the flip of a coin, so it seems. Although I am not religious, I do respect people's right to have religion. Just try to be respectful of his decisions. Side-note, and I know I'm incredibly biased here: If he has found Christianity, Judaism or Islam, then perhaps take a peek at the Bible- it's littered with contradictions and inconsistencies that betray everything most people think they already know about the Bible and religion. So perhaps...what I'm saying is...he doesn't need formal religion or the Bible or whatever for him to be spiritual. Only he can decide if he want formal religion or not. And you must decide if you're okay with being a part of that.
henna-red henna-red 4 years
IMHO, if he is determined to push his new beliefs at you, then no, it won't work. You're having a boundary issue, and you need to sit down and speak about it very seriously. You need to let him know you understand that he is excited and motivated by his new found faith, but that he is wrong to believe that he has a right to insist on your participation. Also, he is name calling, because he's not getting the response from you that he wants, and that is totally unacceptable. You need to agree on this boundary, and insist on his respecting it and you, by not denigrating your desire to be nonreligious. Your right to choose your own belief system, whether that includes religion or not. It's very difficult in a relationship when you don't share fundamental beliefs and behaviors. You can make this work only if both of you agree to respect that boundary, and not try to shame or belittle or denigrate the other. If he wants to share his new faith, he needs to understand that you love him, but not the faith and it is something he is going to have to share with others who believe as he does. If you can't get to that place, then no, this relationship will not work. Good luck to you. This is a serious challenge. I hope, with 10 years together, you two will find a way to work through it. take good care.
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