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My Boyfriend Has Bad Manners

"I'm Confused About His Manners"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I have a nice boyfriend who makes me laugh, who is serious when he needs to be, a family-oriented fellow, very educated, and goal-oriented. However, I am so so confused by his lack of manners — especially since he has all of the above qualities. When he comes over, he always leaves a mess in the bathroom — pee on the toilet plus some on the floor! How is this possible? He is 38, and he has enough education and family values to know better. This has happened several times already and last night, I brought it to his attention. He was shocked when I mentioned it and then reacted with "Wow, you really are honest." I don't know what he expected from me, to be quiet about it? I don't think so. I speak my mind and if I don't like something, I will say it, and I expect the same from others.

He joked about it after, saying something like, "Now I am scared to go to your bathroom, are you going to be checking after me?" And I replied, half jokingly, "Well, I might have to." Then he said, laughing, "Are you going to supervise me then?" and I replied, "Well, considering your age, I just might have to." We laughed it off, but I definitely wasn't joking, and I think he knows it.


I'm just not used to being with someone who doesn't have good manners. My ex-boyfriend might have been a jerk in many ways, but boy was he clean and neat, always! I'd like to get to know this new guy better, and I think if we are going to make it in the long run, we have to be honest with each other. Like I said, he has qualities that I highly value, such as honesty and character, but 10 years ago, the lack of good manners would have been a deal breaker for me. Now, being older (I am 38 as well), I feel that there are bigger issues that are deal breakers — such as lying, for example. However, if this problem continues, it would mean a lack of respect, since he knows it bothers me.

Are there other women out there who feel the same? What are deal breakers for you? How do you deal with such issues, and do you believe in "honesty is the best policy" with guys?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously on Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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