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My Boyfriend Lives at Home

"When Will My Boyfriend Move Out From His Parents'?"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

Hi, everyone. My boyfriend and I have been together a year now. We went to high school together. We're both 27. I have two kids; he has none. They live with their dad, and I live by myself. He lives with his biological mom and dad. He and the kids get along great.

I was living with my dad when we got together, and I moved out two months into our relationship. I gave him a key. Things were great. He cooked, cleaned; we talked all night, had frequent, amazing sex. So three months after we started going out, his housemate said he was renting out the house and moving. So he moved back in with mom and dad, and it all started slipping downhill.


She cooks, cleans, and does his laundry for him. He pays rent, but doesn't pay for anything else. He eats everything, has gained nearly 10 kilograms, stopped going to the gym, and got a dead-end shift job. Sometimes he drinks after work, even by himself. He always wants me to stay there because he can't be bothered driving to my house. I do occasionally, but at my place, we could do whatever we want. At his place, we just end up sitting in front of the TV, watching what his parents are watching, and he falls asleep on the sofa. Then he goes to bed and leaves me at 5 a.m. to get ready in the morning with his parents.

At my place, he's stopped cooking, doesn't clean, drinks, and watches TV until he falls asleep.

I moved houses a month ago, just before we hit our first year. I asked him to move in, and he said "he's not ready for that level of commitment." Then he complained that I couldn't afford a nice enough house with a lockup garage for his car with shiny rims. And now he hardly ever comes over. He wants me to stay at his house all the time. He doesn't call me after work, waits until bedtime to text me, and is just super lazy in the relationship. We have sex once a week, if that, and when we do, it's always the same.

Then his parents went to Europe for six weeks. It was amazing! He cooked, cleaned. We went out. He stayed over. I stayed at his. We had parties, and things were so good, then his parents came back.

He didn't get me anything for our anniversary. OK, I lie: he stopped at the gas station and got me a birthday card and some flowers. He complained that I wasn't going to stay at his place. Then he was late. And I had to make the booking. He complained about the food on the way home and he fell asleep. We didn't even have sex on our anniversary.

He started going out with his mates a bit, but complained that he was spending too much and his savings were dwindling. Last weekend, he went out. I asked him to take it easy, and he agreed. Well . . . he spent hundreds of dollars and got arrested!

I just don't know what to do anymore. I know he still loves me, but he's behaving like a child. I had a firm talk with him and told him he needs to grow up. I even talked to his dad, and he agreed. I love him so much. He's a great person and he does treat me well, my friends like him, and everyone thinks we're perfect for each other.

I can't help but wonder. Am I wasting my time waiting for a miracle to happen?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously on Group Therapy for advice and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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