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My Boyfriend Uses Dating Website

"My Boyfriend Chats With Girls on Dating Website"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

So I know I was wrong, but the other day I was using my boyfriend's phone to call my sister (my phone had died). When I was finished with the call I noticed he had a message from someone from Plenty of Fish. I thought it was odd that he was still on the site (we have been going out for seven months now). At first I thought he was getting messages but not responding. Well curiosity got a hold of me and I snooped. What I found were lots of messages from girls. Most of the messages were very brief and PG rated but it still bothered me. We have a very good relationship and honestly his feelings for me have been more intense than my feelings for him . . . so I'm confused.

So now I'm on the fence. I really don't feel like dealing with this kind of crap. Do I confront him? Or just end it?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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RioVonWolf RioVonWolf 5 years
7 months is not long enough to be even thinking of being exclusive!  Let alone worrying over whether he is calling other girls.  You snooped you got "hurt" but have you even had the boundaries talk if you want to be exclusive or was it assumed? 
jaan_black jaan_black 5 years
I agree with the comment below - be honest, put it out there and see what he says b/c you want to know what kind of person you're dealing with now before you're in too deep...good luck!
Raynne413 Raynne413 5 years
You say the messages were brief and PG, so was it just chatting, or did it seem like he was hunting for someone? If it was just standard, every day chatting, then I don't see the problem. However, if it was like he was trying to set up dates, or hook up, then I'd move on.
Northeast802 Northeast802 5 years
First of all, you did nothing wrong. But, he did - and you should be thankful that you snooped, because now you know what he's up to, AND you have solid proof - which is priceless. I was with someone for 3 years who I found out was part of a disgusting fetish web site, where he had been chatting with god knows how many women (and who knows what else). There were other things that had happened, but that was the last straw for me. Even if your boyfriend hasn't done anything physically with any of these girls, and the conversations were PG, the intent is still there. That's a HUGE red flag, and you can't ignore it. Why should you settle for someone who is obviously not content with what he has with you and only you? What he is doing now will inevitably lead to other things.  If you stay with him, you're not going to trust him like you did before - and how is that fair to you? You should be in a healthy relationship that is honest - that doesn't make you stress out or worry. Take it from someone who has been through hell and back and wished she had acted sooner when the first red flags started to fly. You deserve more than what he's giving you. So, in a nutshell - I would let him know what you saw, and explain to him that it's unacceptable and there is nothing he can say to justify his actions - and maybe he'll find his happiness with one of the girls he's been chatting with...but it won't be you. Trust me on this one! You can do it - we're all so much stronger than we think :-). Good luck.
Jessica2465273 Jessica2465273 5 years
I would break it off. Thing is, he is going behind your back and cheating. It's been 7 months - you two have said the "I love yous" and are in a more serious place in the relationship. He knows what he is doing is wrong - but is choosing to disrespect you and you two's relationship to see what is on the other side of the fence. He is keeping his options open..."just in case." Many men do this (and women too!) just so that if something happens - or they find someone better - they can move on right away. You don't deserve this. You deserve someone who knows you are the one - and wouldn't think about chatting up other girls. He's dishonest - and you can't change him. Also, you'll be having trust issues from now on...and it just gets worse from there. Best of luck!
BiWife BiWife 5 years
it could be that he has boundaries that don't match yours. he might see your relationship as something special but not necessarily explicitly monogamous. let him know what you saw and don't lie about how you came across the information or why you were interested, it doesn't fix a trust issue to add more lies.
Iliy Iliy 5 years
It's actually fine to be curious in this kind of way. But I'd pay attention if I were you, he might be the kind of guy who looks enormously interested but he actually goes around and looks for other girls. I really hope it's not the case. So yes, confront him! I think you've earned this right after 7 months of relationship. Good luck!
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