Skip Nav
40 Hilarious Costumes For the Funniest Couples
Ghouls Gone Wild! 60 Creative Girlfriend Group Costumes
6 Things It's OK to Reveal on a First Date

My Bridesmaid Spilled the Beans

Dear Sugar--

I just returned from my bachelorette party and on the last night, one of my bridesmaids, who had had one too many drinks, made a comment to one of the other girls saying that she couldn't stand my fiance! Unbenounced to her, I overheard her but didn't say anything out of respect for the other girls.

Well, now that we are all back, I can't stop thinking about what she said. She is one of my best friends from college and never alluded to her dislike of my future husband. If she really hates him and doesn't support us being together, I don't want her to be a part of my wedding.... I am sick over this and have no one I can talk to without creating a colossal nightmare for everyone involved before my wedding. What should I do? --Betrayed Betsy

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Betrayed Betsy--

I am so sorry you are dealing with this right before your wedding. Are you 100% positive you heard their conversation correctly? I don't blame you for not wanting this girl to be a part of your wedding if she truly does have ill feelings for your fiancé, but before you jump to any conclusions, talk to her and get the facts.

Let her know what you heard and give her the opportunity to tell you her side of the story. Could you have heard only one part of the story and taken her comments out of context? Could she have been talking about someone else's fiancé? Many times friends of the bride, even the best of friends, get jealous of all the attention the bride is getting so she could selfishly be stirring the pot, although that would be no excuse.

If she does come clean with dislike for your fiancé, you need to do what's best for you, and if that means dismissing her from bridesmaid duties, by all means dis-invite her. Your bridesmaids are supposed to help make your wedding day run smoothly, not add to the stress of the day. Hopefully this will turn out to just be a huge misunderstanding and you can put the entire ordeal behind you. Good luck!


gossipqueen gossipqueen 10 years
well said jennifer... maybe even your mom or dad dislike something about your fiance but they don't tell you...would you disinvite them??? she's there...i say she's supportive... i feel that the wedding stress might be getting to you...
junebrug junebrug 10 years
I'm with Jennifer, et all. She doesn't have to love your fiance to love you. If she's supportive of you and what makes you happy, who cares if she really likes the guy or not? She's not marrying him, you are. It could get to be a problem on "group dates" and such, but maybe there are things you don't invite her to and you know the two of you need to hang alone or with other girlfriends. I'd confront her and ask her why she feels this way. Sometimes friends know more than we do. Maybe she knows something you need to know and has been reluctant to tell you. I think it was just the booze talking. If you "dis-invite" her that's a major deal, be prepared to lose her friendship for good, but you should do what seems best to you. Often people who love us think we could "do better", just because they love us. Even parents feel this way, they don't understand what the two of you have. I'd go lenient on her. If she's been totally supportive of you whatever her feelings about him, that's a real friend.
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 10 years
I'm with jennifer too. I have been in weddings for friends where I was less than thrilled with their choice of husband - but they were close friends of mine and I wanted to support them. It's too bad she slipped up while drinking and you had to hear it. If it's someone whose opinion you really value, perhaps you should consider asking her why?
pinupsweetheart pinupsweetheart 10 years
I agree with DearSugar. You could have heard it wrong, she was drunk after all right? She could have been thinking of someone else and your future hubby's name came out instead. Talk it out with her first and let us know what happens.
bluejeanie bluejeanie 10 years
i'm going with jennifer on this. your friend loves you and has been supportive of you and your wedding, why would you disinvite her? she cares about you!! not everyone is going to like everyone and if she doesn't like him what's the big deal? she sounds like she's been a very good friend, she's never badmouthed him to you and is happy that you found someone that YOU love. it sounds like you're throwing a diva fit over very little. don't you have enough to worry about with an upcoming wedding? please. grow up. if you feel like throwing away a friendship, by all means disinvite her but know that it's very hard to make up after doing something so mean.
rubialala rubialala 10 years
jennifer76 is right.
bookgirl bookgirl 10 years
I agree with DearSugar on this. You ask your friends to be in your wedding because they love you, support you, and are happy that you are marrying the person that you are. If they don't like your husband to be, they should have told you long ago, but they also don't need to be in your wedding because they are not really going to be happy for you. I found out recently that one of the other bridesmaids in my friends wedding hated the groom, and I couldn't understand how she would even want to be in the wedding. I definitely think she needs to talk to her friend and set things straight. Maybe her friend was drunk and getting confused.
cgmaetc cgmaetc 10 years
Er it's "unbeknownst" not "Unbenounced"... Anyway, who cares what this chick thinks? Do YOU like your hubby to be? Then that's all that should really matter. Just like Jennifer said, if she's kept her mouth shut so far, she's been supportive. It could have been the booze talking or she's just a bit jealous. Maybe when you and your fiance were having a bad day, you complained about all his faults to you friend, and now she can't forgive him for hurting you. Who know, and who cares! Why are you focusing on what ONE teeny, tiny person has to say on the happiest day of your life? Keep living, honey: you will run across many people who might not like you or your husband.
rosa-tea rosa-tea 10 years
I was going to say the same thing as Marci. Basically even though your friend doesn't like him, that doesn't mean that she doesn't support your relationship with him. If she hasn't told you about her dislike for him, it means that she knows he makes you happy and she wants you to be happy. thats a good thing!
Marci Marci 10 years
Jennifer76 hits the nail on the head. Not everyone is going to like everyone. It's how that is handled that matters, so she sounds like a good friend to me! I hated the guy my oldest friend married. HATED him. And he proved himself worthy of that hate over time and the marriage didn't last. But I didn't say a word to anyone. I didn't gush about him but didn't say anything negative, either. She loved him and that was all that mattered to me.
vanyvrgs vanyvrgs 10 years
I am with Jennifer on this... she did not badmouth him to you and not everyone likes everyone. So what? She is supporting you and your weddding, probably spent hundreds of dollars to be a part of it and at the last minute because she told someone else she doesn't like him you will disinvite? That does not mean she is against your wedding just that they do not jive as people. Geez!
andaman andaman 10 years
I think its okay for her not to like your man. She may have gotten the wrong impression which can easily be corrected (think positive). On an even more positive note, she has been totally respectful of your relationship and you didn't even know that she doesn't like him. I think you can ask her casually what she truly thinks, don't tell her you've heard what she said. Discuss it like an adult and please please please don't fight about it.
jennifer76 jennifer76 10 years
Isn't someone who dislikes your fiancee but never badmouths him to you, and supports you by participating in your wedding (without ever even giving you a clue she doesn't like him) being a pretty darn supportive friend? I don't get the problem here. Not everybody likes everybody. She doesn't like what? You do. She's your friend and she obviously cares a lot about you. If she's happy that you're happy, what more do you really want?
Trixie6 Trixie6 10 years
I agree with Dear. You need to talk to her. Maybe go out to dinner, just the two of you, and have a calm conversation. If it does turn out that she doesn't like your fiancee, you need to uninvite her. Your wedding day should be special and you should be surrounded by people who love and support you.
My Family Skipped My Transgender Wedding | Personal Essay
Ariana Austin Lazaro Wedding Dress
What Is a Shotgun Wedding?
Lili Claspe Berta Wedding Dress
From Our Partners
Latest Love
All the Latest From Ryan Reynolds