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My Ex Is My Neighbor

Group Therapy: My Ex Got Married and Moved to My Neighborhood

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

My boyfriend of 10 years broke up with me a few years ago. We were even making plans to get married! Now, he's married a woman after just meeting her in Alcoholics Anonymous and kept it a secret from me. I was devastated when I first found out from someone I work with (he also worked with me just a few offices away). After his quick marriage, I tried my best to not have any contact with him, but he would go out of his way to be around me, which made things difficult. After a couple of years I had the opportunity to leave the state (from Washington to Texas) for a better job, and I thought it would be great not just for me professionally but also simply to be able to get away from him. That was five years ago, and I just found out my ex has moved not only to Texas, but into my neighborhood. Could this just be a coincidence? Why in the world would he do this?

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lanwa lanwa 5 years
I would make my friends/family/neighbors and people you work with aware that you have a potential "stalker" and have pictures of him so they too, can be aware. Knowledge is power. Do protect yourself-they prey on a mentality that underestimates their potential for danger. The police won't get involved until after something happens, but you can make sure EVERYONE knows who he is. And the hour commute? Who on earth does that unless they're also getting to mindf#ck you as well. weird. We're only as sick as our secrets. I'd suggest meeting his ife and making her aware if she's still in the picture, but don't go out of your way to provoke him.People are too crazy these days, and there's no shortage of guns in texas! Good luck.
ChrissyLee ChrissyLee 5 years
This is very strange, you should be very aware of any contact he tries to have with you and save any written contact or messages. Don't respond to him and just try to avoid him if you can. It really sucks that he's following you, it's too bad it would be so inconvenient for you to move further away from him. Something is weird about this and you should just be paying attention. Good luck
Bettye-Wayne Bettye-Wayne 5 years
Wow Beck, that's officially creepy then. Honestly I would say don't contact him at all, or don't respond if he does. A great book to read about personal safety is "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin de Becker, it's about the warning signs leading up to violence and steps you can take to protect yourself.
henna-red henna-red 5 years
I hope that you will be very cautious about any contact you have with him. It doesn't sound like a coincidence to me, it justs sounds creepy and stalkerish. Be very aware of your surroundings, and if you're feeling strange, then don't walk alone, walk with a friend, and look into a self defense class, maybe where they teach you about how to hold your keys as you walk to your car. And how to use pepper spray correctly.....It justs sounds very worrisome to me. And if you get some education about being aware, about protecting yourself and he turns out not to be trouble, then you will still have this great information. Even if you never need to use it, it can help you to feel more secure about how you would handle any situation that comes up. take good care
luckyduckyy luckyduckyy 5 years
I'm not so sure this was a coincidence. Either way, it's very creepy. If he goes out of his way to contact you, make sure he gets the message that you want nothing to do with him. So tell him just that. Tell him that although the two of you were together for a long time, that time is over and he is no longer allowed to be a part of your life, and that you don't ever want to see him again. He's probably missing you, and realized what an idiot he was to leave you. Maybe his marriage isn't what he thought it would be. Whatever the reason is, it doesn't matter. He's near where you live, you aren't comfortable with that, and you are going to look out for your best interests.
BECK1000 BECK1000 5 years
Bettye, he is at the same job and that's the really strange part. I switched companies, the company he works for is on the other side of the city, a very large city, he will have a 1 hr commute each way to work. My work is 6 miles from my door. When I left my old job everybody knew what company I was going to as well as what neighborhood I was looking into.
Bettye-Wayne Bettye-Wayne 5 years
If he's still at the same job, you have to consider that maybe a job opening in his dept came up in your city, and so did a practical home. And kept it a secret (did he know you live there?) bc he didn't want you to get freaked out. I'm totally getting the same bizarre stalker vibe though... keep an eye on him and post back if his behavior gets weird? But don't assume he's crazy yet.
henna-red henna-red 5 years
And is he still married? Whether or not, it's some bizarre stalker kind of mentality.
Chrissie-girl Chrissie-girl 5 years
I really don't know if it is a coincidence or not... but if i where you, i wouldn't go back with him for breaking up with you after 10 years... i couldn't trust that person no matter what he tells me... if he tries to get to you again, think wisely before making a mistake... i wish you the best
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