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My Father Is Cheating, But My Mom Won't Leave

My Father Is Cheating, But My Mom Won't Leave

Dear Sugar
My mother and I believe my father is cheating on her. We have gathered evidence over the past few months that shows he has been spending extravagant amounts of money in adult shops and various other stores, the purchases of which we have never seen.

I have accidentally overheard telephone conversations confirming our suspicions. My father has always worked out of town and will fly home on weekends, making it easy for him to cheat.

He has tried to make up for his transgressions by quitting work for a few months to spend time with my mother. He has recently started working in another city again and my mother believes he has begun to cheat again...possibly in their home town this time.

I have urged my mother to seek attorneys and counseling, but to no avail. I have confronted my father and all he does is deny, deny, deny. I live far away from my parents and have my own happy life, but it deeply pains me to have my mother call me in tears every month or so.

And although I know I can move on, it also pains me to feel as though I am losing a father that I used to be close to. Any ideas? Disapproving Daughter

Dear Disapproving Daughter
You've got to get your Mom to run. Although she might want to stay to try and work things out, explain to her that she's actually giving this whole situation approval if she stays (and doesn't continue to beat him over the head about it).

I know that you are only trying to help, but unfortunately this is a lose-lose situation for you, so you need to stay out of it.

This doesn't make your dad "father of the year", but it also doesn't make him a terrible father to you. And although it looks as though he's cheating, you don't 100% know what's going on.

All you are going to do is ruin the relationship you have with him by getting involved with your parents marital problems, and taking sides against him.

Your parents need to keep you out of it, no matter how old you are. This is between them. I know you are a good daughter and feel guilty living contentedly far away, but try not to let this weigh you down. Use your strength to focus on your own happiness.

Join The Conversation
shockedand-hurt shockedand-hurt 8 years
dear sugar this happend about 3 weeks ago i was done school early exam week so i come home from school walk in my house no one was home or so i thought i walk in hear noises comin from my parents bed room so i walk up stairs slowly i walk by my parents room got the shock of my life my parents rooms door was partaly open i saw my mom on top of another man his hands all over her body this wasnt my dad my parents have been married for 28 years hearin my mom moan say fuck ur a better lover then my moron of a husband i confronted my mom later on that day she admits she hates my dad hasnt loved him for many many years and this wasnt the 1st time she cheated on him my dad is so wipped she denies it hell belive him she said that shes goona financaly bankruped my dad then leave him wut can i do any advise
tifygodess24 tifygodess24 10 years
Its hard not to take sides. As someone whos been cheated on ,its the worst feeling in the world and you need as many people to be there for you to help you deal. When you have someone who has broken such an amazing trust it does leave you totally jaded. In my experience with myself and other friends of mine usually when the thought is there and theres some proof its usually true. I believe in womans intuition. But this can NOT be confused with insecurity! Because that can make anyone believe that someones cheating! But facts dont lie! I know I will get slack for this but be there for your mom, after all this is your mom and she has helped you your whole life. And right now IF its true your dad is being so disrespectful he needs a wake up call.Yes he is your dad but he needs to respect your mom and you are a Family so you have every right to be involved! No matter what anyone says. NO ONE deserves to be cheated on !
My-Opinion My-Opinion 10 years
What is your proof?? Is it just your mothers insecurities or like 'picture or phone record proof'? if not, then you can't go on what your mother may 'think'...he could be totally innocent and she may be overreacting due to long long years of marriage, ya know? you GOTTA HAVE SOUND PROOF,,,when you get that......then react.
jennifer76 jennifer76 10 years
As much as it seems like your Mom is innocent here, she's not doing you any favors. She should NOT have dragged you into her marital problems with your Dad. That was immature and selfish of her. At least your father is trying to keep his immature and selfish actions outside of your daily life.
ethiopian_princess ethiopian_princess 10 years
As much as you'd like to help your mom, she's an adult and she must make decisions regarding her marriage by herself. I don't blame you one bit for wanting to get involved. I would if I were in your position, but you need to accept that you can't do anything about this. You don't have to respect your father though.
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