Skip Nav
Our Favorite Books of the Year (So Far) — You Won't Be Able to Put Them Down!
12 Bomb Dot Com Halloween Costumes For Couples
32 Sexy GIFs From Tumblr That Will Fog Up Your Screen

My Friend Insults Me in Public

Group Therapy: My Friend Insults Me in Public

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

She's been my friend for 2 years now, and she recently adopted that rude way of kidding. She insults me in front of others, says bad comments about my style, weight, and face, and she knows I am going to be embarrassed and have no idea how to defend myself.

She's OK with me when we're alone or with girls, but very mean among men. I am not better than her in anything, so it's not jealousy. And I already have a boyfriend and am not trying to flirt with any of our friends. I feel confused, sorry, and mad at once. What should I do?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

Image Source: Thinkstock
Keith3385844 Keith3385844 5 years
Character doesn't change. All you are doing is censoring a "friend" and no smart person wants to do that. At the same time, those that castigate, insult viciously in a serious and angry condescending manner (unearned rankism in public) are not real friends or spouses and must be dropped. Walk away. It doesn't matter if there are things about them you really like. Their hearts are black. You cannot be a friend with someone who is envious of you because they turn on you in public. It is ugly ego and I see it everyday of my life since I was fourteen. I am now 55 and it never stopped. You will be lucky to find one person in life who won't do that. Chances are, they will be a social reject who has nothing to prove.
JoeTyndall JoeTyndall 6 years
I have noticed that extemely needy people have more drama not less drama in their lives as they get older. Maybe that's what happened here.
tjfranco tjfranco 6 years
Wow same thing happened to me. I, however, walked away from the friendship. You'd think after 13+ years she would quit the drama on her own right?
dikke-kus dikke-kus 6 years
Helen Danger gave the best advice. I'm just kidding jokes are really not funny - they are put downs. You will learn over time, kidding jokes are high school mentality. Next time she does that, act confused and ask, "what does that mean?" Keep asking and raise your voice, So, just what does that mean? She says, I'm just kidding, then you say, But it doesn't make any sense. I don't understand, what do you mean exactly? You know. Call it out. But throw it back at her.
searching-soul searching-soul 6 years
Your friends behavior is unacceptable. A friend is supposed to lift you up not tear you down. i would take the advice of the above posters and nip this in the bud. Just because you perceive her as not being jealous or insecure does not make it so. Confident people don't put down their friends. If you confront her and she still continues I think it might be time for you to distance yourself from her. You don't need toxic people in your life. Eventually her toxicity will eat at your self-esteem. She needs to stop and you need to stand up for yourself and not let her intimidate or bully you. Good luck
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 6 years
When she makes one of her nasty little jokes, interrupt her. Act confused and declare that you don't understand what she means. That you must have heard her wrong, because what she just said didn't make sense. The more you can get her to repeat or explain her little jibe the worse she appears, and the less worthwhile it becomes for her to pick on you.
Blackwood Blackwood 6 years
I'd say she's definitely jealous. Even if you don't think you one up her at anything, she feelsotherwise. Maybe some your guy friends do have some sort of crush that you don't know about but she's aware of, or compliment your looks, attitude, etc, when you're not around but she is. I'd call her out in front of whoever is there present at that very moment. Don't wait until you're in private to have that conversation, because she needs to be exposed for what she's been doing on purpose. Plus, if you don't stop her right then and there, she may be able to dismiss it later when you're alone, saying she was just kidding. If there are witnesses to your complaining, she won't be able to shut the subject without looking bad in front of your mutual friends.
Burkina Burkina 6 years
She is insecure and you are insecure. I'm sure you're better than her at many things. Stand up for yourself and don't let her treat you like that. She does this because she needs to one up you in front of guys. Shes starved for attention. I'd refuse to hang out with her anymore and tell her you're not going to take her bullying anymore. You can't let people walk all over you. Good luck!
Natalie-Love Natalie-Love 6 years
If I were you I would tell her I'm tired of her behavior, and I really think we should continue the friendship. Why would I want to be nice to someone who treats me with no respect? I would never treat a friend like that, and would not want a friend in my life who behaves this way. It's not something minor, and I'm sure she knows its hurtful, there's no excuses to justify her behavior. You really do deserve better people around you.
shreerose shreerose 6 years
I agree, talk to her about it, and try to find out why she's doing this. If she continues this behavior, I would suggest not being her friend anymore.
amelioratelj amelioratelj 6 years
Ugh, that sounds like ugly behavior. I agree with the others- confront her gently, but firmly, and tell her that her jokes aren't funny and they hurt your feelings. If she is a true friend, or any kind of friend at all, she will stop with the rude commenting. Best of luck!
onlysourcherry onlysourcherry 6 years
It's really interesting that she does this in front of men only. Obviously she's trying to put you down to make herself look better, of course most men think that this behavior is a total turnoff. I had a friend do this when she was at a particularly low point in her self-esteem. It was because she had let herself go physically (she's a gorgeous girl but she put on about 30 pounds and cut and dyed her hair in really unflattering ways) and was upset I was always getting the attention. We had a big fight about it and didn't speak for a few months. fwiw, that was a few years ago and she's since stopped this toxic behavior and we're good friends again. I agree you need to bring this up with her and see how she reacts. If she doesn't stop, stop hanging out with her.
bethinabox bethinabox 6 years
I gotta admit, I do this, too. But so do a lot of the people I hang out with. We jokingly insult each other, poke fun at each other all the time. BUT!!! If any of them EVER said to me, "Please stop. That hurts my feelings," I would stop in a heartbeat. If this girl is truly a friend, just tell her that even though you know she's kidding, her jokes hurt your feelings, and ask her to stop, and she will. If she doesn't stop right away, bring it up again and tell her that if she doesn't stop you won't feel comfortable hanging out with her anymore. Good luck, hun! <3
dark-chocola dark-chocola 6 years
I will..thank you JoeTyndall..:))
JoeTyndall JoeTyndall 6 years
Pull her aside, and tell her that her jokes were funny in the beginning, but now you are starting to get hurt by them. If she has any brains, this should be enough. You may also need to be a little more assertive with her. When you tell her these things, look her dead in the eye and do not look away. Also, if she gives you a hard time about this, you may need to raise your voice just a little. (You'd be surprised how even just a tiny bit of being assertive makes a big difference.) Are you the unassertive type? Let us know what happens.
Vaca Frita Recipe
Spanish Lime Shortbread Cookie Recipe
IEP Meetings
What Postpartum Depression Feels Like
From Our Partners
Latest Love
All the Latest From Ryan Reynolds