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Is My Husband Cheating?

Group Therapy: Is My Husband Cheating?

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I've been married for 31 years to the father of my two girls (married now). A couple of days ago I found my husband masturbating himself about 8 pm while watching TV and holding his smart phone. I confronted him but he denied the whole issue. I know he enjoys porno and I believe that's what he had in his phone at that time. I felt cheated and I am very angry at him. We have sex every day even twice if we find a moment, so I don't understand his inclination towards porno. He even needs to take Cialis to make love. So what's wrong with his behavior? I need help and guidance! I am so confused.

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danakscully64 danakscully64 5 years
Wut? + 2 :P Agree with BiWife!
jenjen82 jenjen82 5 years
I'm shocked at your naivety for a woman who has been married for 30 years. Have you been living under a rock your whole life? With a clueless prudish attitude towards your husband masturbating you should consider yourself lucky he even wants to be with a lame ass like yourself.
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 5 years
^ Lol wut!!!!???? Sounds to me like you're husband is a man being a man. Masturbation is pretty normal human behavior and I really don't think there's a single thing here to worry about. Especially if after 31 years of marriage, you're still having sex on a daily basis.
myhousemd myhousemd 5 years
This sounds like a serious porn addiction. Explain to him how you feel, because he needs to get help. Look it up, and look for places to get help. I know the LDS church provides free weekly classes for overcoming addictions, but your husband might need more than that.
missmaryb missmaryb 5 years
I wouldn't consider that cheating. It's a fantasy, not reality. He just wanted a "quickie" all to himself and he got it. Men are very visual. I never had a problem with my ex husband masturbating or looking at porn (in moderation) as long as he wasn't with a real live woman.
dahliadreamer dahliadreamer 5 years
I know you probably feel like if that woman were real, he'd be watching her while he's whacking off, and it FEELS like cheating. The reality of it is it really isn't, and it's tough to admit, because as women, we take that as something that affects our self-esteem. Maybe you could try making videos for each other. That way, it will help you feel less self-concious about your husband watching other women, and he can whack off to a sexy vid of you instead! It'll help boost your confidence, while at the same time let you know that your husband still loves to see you look hawt for him, and everyone's a winner...!
BiWife BiWife 5 years
wow, you caught him masturbating once and you equate that to cheating?? Get a grip woman. Sometimes you just wanna whack off real quick & not go through the whole sex thing. Sometimes you don't have time to have sex, even a quicky, but you can whack off to some phone porn in a minute or two. Married people utilize porn without it ruining their marriage, the key is communication. You should be either trusting your husband to tell you the truth or work on communicating more effectively with one another and open the ability for him to tell you the truth without you freaking out on him.
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 5 years
If you've been together for 31 years. Assuming you two were like 20 when you married, that means this guy is middle aged and losing testosterone every year. It just happens. And it takes more for him to achieve the same "performance" as when he was younger. Luckily for you, since you're getting older too, your testosterone is increasing. (In minute amounts, of course!) And that means your desire should be or is about to go up. So use that to your advantage. Spice everything up with him. Get some videos for yourself. Make yourself happy regardless what he thinks about it. And once you're feeling good about your own state, let him in on what you've been up to. I guarantee he'll drop that phone when you give him something fascinating to react to in 3D.
pax4pax pax4pax 5 years
He needs to get off the porn and on to you. Ultimately, it will steal him from you, even he is having sex with you. Tell him that you feel like you're being cheated on when he does that to porn. Find a treatment program and get him back into the marriage.
BrownEyedBabe BrownEyedBabe 5 years
Um, he's a man? There's nothing wrong with is behavior. Men masturbabte. Men like porn. The same goes for women. It doesn't mean they love their partner any less.
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