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My Husband Is Making Me Fat

Dear Sugar
Ever since I got married, I have put on about 12 lbs. I love being a newlywed and cooking for my husband, but he really only feels full and satisfied from meats and heavier foods that I am not typically used to eating.

If I am going to cook, then I will try my best to make something that we both eat, because cooking separately is really too much of a pain. I'll always include some kind of salad and side veggie, but I've got to try and figure out a way to get a handle on my intake.

He is 175 lbs and I am only 116 lbs (now 128) so we should definitely not be eating the same exact foods and portion sizes. Do you have any suggestions for me? Widening Wife

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Widening Wife,
I have heard this time and time again. Newlyweds are constantly adjusting to each other. Eating is just another example of having to figure out ways of combining two different lifestyles. But just because your man has a big appetite and a bigger stomach than you do, doesn't mean that you can't enjoy the same meal together.

Try pre-plating your meal before putting everything out on the table. This way hubby can reach for seconds, but you'll know that what you've eaten is a sufficient amount for you. Also, put your fork down in between bites and take a sip of water. This will help prevent you from overeating when you feel the signs of fullness. It will also keep you hydrated.

Eating can become totally automatic, and it's easy to continue to eat while engaging in conversation. Eating can also provide a distraction from a negative emotion or anxious moment. While adjusting to your new life, you are more likely to be having deeper discussions. This is both and exciting time as well as a stressful one. Be sure not to reach for your fork as a means of comfort.

Lastly, don't forget that men can generally eat more than women and remain slim. In fact, they need to intake an average of 20-30% more calories than we do. So stop feeling like you have to keep up with him; you don't. Marriage is a partnership, not a competition. Remember that you are on the same team.

Join The Conversation
DesignRchic DesignRchic 10 years
Wow, this is exactly what happened to me when I got married. I was 116 when I got married (I'm 5"3') and I gained 10 lbs. within 2 to 3 months. My husband is buff meaning he loves to lift weights and eats a lot of protein (meats, protein shakes, etc.) I was depressed with my weight gain for about 3 months and then what I started doing was making my portions smaller. As you adjust with living together, you will figure out what works for you. Making your own meals isn't practical unless you don't have a full time job, but even that is hard cause then you have to do grocery shopping for two people and that's crazy! I have to constantly make sure my husband has enough to eat, and if he needs more, I tell him to go grab a bite to eat at the pizza place or sub shop. It's hard to keep up w/ someone who needs a lot of food, and not get caught up yourself. I have lost about 6 pds since then and have kept it consistant. You'll figure it out, as long as you do it together.
lilxmissxmolly lilxmissxmolly 10 years
*but are not solely meat
lilxmissxmolly lilxmissxmolly 10 years
128 isn't fat. But try making fish instead of meat, or making casseroles or other dishes that feature meat but are not solely for that.
sofi sofi 10 years
I don't think making your own meals is the best answer and too much work. You need to talk to him about all of this. Doesn't sound like he is forcing you to eat as much as him. Control your portions and maybe start increasing the veggies and decreasing the amount of meat in general. He can adjust how he eats as well. Is he healthy, or does he need his diet adjusted to what you were used to before? You are probably going to help him health-wise if you talk about it and adjust his intake of these heavy foods. Most guys have lived on their own a while before getting married and they may be used to eating out and quick meals. Getting married is a good way to get back on track with healthy, home-cooked meals you can both enjoy. Be creative-enjoy!
yayita yayita 10 years
My mouth is making me fat
Regular_Lady Regular_Lady 10 years
If you really want to save yourself, make your own meals. It's a pain (yes, I know first hand - I do it) but you'll feel better being in control of what you're eating. One thing I do is make something like stir fry or taco/burritos so I can customize my own servings with more veggies and less meat and carbs.
t0xxic t0xxic 10 years
Dears advice is great but heres how I handle it. My hubby doesnt even eat veggies so it took the longest time to even get the idea to do this but buy fresh veggies so u can cook exactly what you want along side his meat and potatoes, when u go grocery shopping as soon as u get home sepearate ur meat out enuf for u a serving and what you think will be enuf for his serving. That way when u cook you cant over eat! Fix ur plate and leave the extra food on the stove dont bring it to the table and fix his plate with the remainder of everything if it ends up being to much for him well at least your not eating it! And dont eat after 8pm its recommended 6 but thats hard with traffic and work! And as long as he doesnt know its low fat or fat free he will never know ;) ;)
yayita yayita 10 years
oh wow! this is the second weight related post I see today. my BF is shorter an way thinner than me. he eats all this trash and in Spain they eat late at night at 10 PM. When I lived back home in New York we ate dinner much earlier around 7PM. With him I've gained of weight and I could use this same advice
azucar_maddy azucar_maddy 10 years
I totally agree with DearSugar. I had this problem too. I gained weight rather steadily after getting married, but was only able to fix it by becoming far more conscious of my portion sizes. It's natural to start matching everything you eat to what you are serving your husband, but you need to just eat enough for yourself. You will probably be hungry for the first few dyas, but after that your body adjusts and you're fine. You'll actually get less hungry overall and have mroe energy. I'm a vegetarian and generally eat very healthy cuisine, but even so, large portion sizes spell DANGER, lol. Some things that have personally worked for me: Drink alot of water and calorie free drinks (selzter) Stay away from Splenda and the like, research shows that it makes you HUNGRIER. (Weird, right?) Snack on small servings of fruit (about 2 daily) and crunchy veggies Instead of chips and salty snacks, buy an air popper and make popcorn for you and your hubby in the evening Drink coffee and tea (no sugar) to fill up sometimes Take a multivitamin, at least, to make sure that you are getting proper nutrient levels Make sure that you are eating enough protein and fiber (non-fat) to stay satiated after and between meals I hope these little tips can help you. Feel free to send me a PM. Good luck.
Toronado Toronado 10 years
Hey, if you're truly that concerned about gaining weight (which, by the way, 128 lbs certainly can't be considered a significant increase) then believe me, making separate meals shouldn't be such a big deal. They don't have to be feasts or anything. It's NOT your husband making you fat, that's an excuse. It's not his fault. But it's not your fault, either. You're trying to do what you think is right and that's commendable. You're just a little misguided, that's all. Talk to want to eat healthier but don't know how to go about it. Who knows, he may support you more than you think, maybe even help you with the cooking. There's always a solution that works out for both parties, and without big sacrifices.
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