Skip Nav
10 Seriously Hot Romances Not For the Faint of Heart
40 Disney Princess Secrets You Never Knew Growing Up
This Couple's Love Story Began in Ireland, So They Decided to Go Back For Their Wedding

Is My Husband Straying?

Dear Sugar
I have been married to my wonderful husband for almost two years and we have been together for a total of six. We have a 22 month old son and I love my family very much. My husband has never given me any reason to doubt his trust until a few months ago.

It was around late August - early September when he started going to happy hour with three of his old co-workers; two women (one married-with problems, one engaged) and his former boss (male), who is also married. I am OK with his socializing after work, but he has recently been very vague with his information regarding what they do, where they go, and who else they are with. When he gets home, I end up having to pry information out of him which I hate having to do.

I confronted my husband about his actions and he hurt my feelings and was very apologetic. He reassured me nothing was going on and they are all just friends. He did not realize he was doing anything wrong and said he left out the details because he didn't want to make me feel bad or hurt. I am just wondering if I have reason to feel that this relationship is unacceptable? Concerned Katrina

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Concerned Katrina
You are the best judge of your husband, so if you feel in your heart that he isn't being truthful then you need to revisit this conversation. How often is he going out with this group? Has he been acting differently towards you since spending time with these old co-workers? Are you feeling neglected as a result of his happy hour jaunts?

Every couple has different views on acceptable friendships, especially those of the opposite sex. There is no right answer, some friendships work for some couples that don't for others. If you are feeling insecure about your husband's after work activities, he should be respectful of your feelings and your marriage and cool it down a little bit. Also, if he's not being forthcoming with his whereabouts that is something to discuss as well with him.

I understand that you don't want to nag him, but trust is very fragile in relationships and if he's not taking care of that, it could lead to trouble for you guys. Let your husband know that your feelings are being affected, and that you are trying not to over react, however, you need him to be more communicative about his where-abouts. In the meantime, try not to jump to any conclusions without finding out all of the facts first.

Join The Conversation
mom2 mom2 10 years
and girls that work with married men are the worst - they go after them with everything - men suck too - sorry, but they do - im married - but i still think they suck:)
mom2 mom2 10 years
dont let him go to drinks with other women - he shouldnt even do that to you
BKNYGal BKNYGal 10 years
i agree..i'm going thru the same crap. Except my soon to be exhubs is messing around with a girl he works with. His "friend" yeah right...go suck an egg.
t0xxic t0xxic 10 years
Y is a married man going off to drink with any amount of women period? And leaving details out so you dont feel hurt sounds like such bull, Id be putting an end to it if you cant go. Im a firm believer married couples have no business seperated in hanging out in Bars or Clubs sure have a lunch date watch a game with the guys but bars an clubs if you go you need to do together esp if there are females involved for the man and men involved for the woman. Your going to have to do something about it other then talking to make your self reassured. GL with finding a level ground on that. Getstinko said it best there comes a time when you have to focus on family and being ur 2 years into a marriage and you have children there are more important things he has to do.
hammer04 hammer04 10 years
I wouldn't really worry too much. Without knowing what your husband does for a living, and under the assumption that this former boss and former co-workers were from the same company, I immediately thought that either: A) They were attempting to woo him over to the employer they currently work for. B) They all have a solid grasp of the previous business model of their company, have a way to improve it, and are considering starting a new company to do just this. Other possibilities too, but a lot of variables left out, and its kind of difficult to guess the real scenario. Most importantly, how long does his Friday happy hour last? Is he is home by 8pm-ish or after midnight? I think, based on the info you gave, you really have no reason to worry. It is more than normal in the corporate world for Happy Hour to be part of the work week, and even more normal for former bosses/co-workers to attempt to woo you over to their current employer.
getstinko getstinko 10 years
What details did he leave out? How often is he doing this? Even if he is only friends with these people it can still be a sign of his dissatisfaction at home. Men hate a nagging wife, but that happy hour BS gets old and if it's not what you want your life to be like - you'd better be ready to make that point. Guys love to hang out with friends, drink, shoot the sh*t, play video games, etc but there does come a time when they need to grow up and focus on family.
Jinx Jinx 10 years
How often are they going out after work? I'd be more suspicious if it was happening often, once in a while and I'd probably not think twice about it. Good idea, asking to join them. Ask where they might be going, because you'll be in the area, and might drop in. Gauge the reaction and you should know better. ~Procrastinate Now! Don't Put It Off~ (Ellen)
katie225 katie225 10 years
ask to join them, if possible. if he feels like you'd be hurt hearing the details because you're being left out, then ask to go and hang out. if you had the same circle of friends, you would probably trust him more. i know that i don't trust my bf's friends that i don't know or who i'm not friends with. but when we have mutual friends, i'm more likely to be trusting of them hanging out alone. for some reason, guys don't really see any issues with having friends outside of a relationship and girls tend to be very jealous about it. i have the same problems, but i know that it's mostly due to my own insecurities rather than what he's doing behind my back (because he's probably not doing anything!). i just tend to project my own problems onto his actions.
Reasons to Not Dwell on the Past
Reasons to Keep Your Surname
Things to Know About Living With Your Significant Other
Husband Buys Roses For His Wife Every Week
From Our Partners
Latest Love
All the Latest From Ryan Reynolds