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My Mom Doesn't Trust My Boyfriend

My Mom Doesn't Trust My Boyfriend

Dear Sugar
My current boyfriend and I first dated four years ago. It ended abruptly after he unexpectedly called things off and broke my 19 year old heart. However, nine months ago, after much groveling and pleading, I've allowed him back into my life to give our relationship another shot.

My mother has never forgiven my boyfriend for how he hurt me. She supported me during and after my breakup and she doesn't understand why I would give him another opportunity to hurt me again. I understand her concerns but I believe in second chances. We really love each other and I am willing to see if this time we can make it work.

I am currently living with my mom which complicates matters even more. Things are still not perfect between us but he is really trying to make things right. I feel trapped because I know my mother doesn't approve and her support means everything to me. Do you have any advice? Helpless Heather

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Helpless Heather
Understand that your mom is just trying to protect you. It's her job to look out for you and she just doesn't want to see you get hurt again. You must have reservations of your own and deep down you know that she's not entirely wrong to be a little bit worried about you. My advice to you is take things slow with him and be vigilant when trusting him this time around.

Having your mom there to support your relationship will take time. Since you are living with her, you are going to have to be as respectful as possible. Try talking to her and letting her know that you are being careful of your heart and that she should trust that you are making the right decision by giving the relationship another chance. Hopefully your boyfriend will prove your mom's fears wrong.

Since you and your boyfriend are still working out your relationship, give your mom some time to warm up to him again. Make sure your boyfriend is aware that your mother is keeping a close eye on him. Warn him to be extra considerate and polite to her. On the bright side, you should feel very lucky that you have a mom who cares so much about you.

Join The Conversation
Regular_Lady Regular_Lady 10 years
I dunno - maybe it's just me - but I think "grovelling and pleading" to get you to take him back after four years is kind of weird.... I'd be cautious....
celsou celsou 10 years
long as he"you should feel very lucky that you have a mom who cares so much about you" Here, Here! I dated a guy for months and my parents never openly expressed their distaste until we broke up, but let it be known that they wanted me to keep my options open. Often, your parents know you better than you think, so let your mom feel welcomed and loved by listening to her. At the same time, it is your life and I think giving him a second chance, especially after all this time, is healthy. Reassure your mother that you are not falling in love all over again too quickly, that you are not trusting him with your heart right away (and you shouldnt) but ask her to trust you and also give him a second chance. She just doesnt want you to get hurt again - and that is her job as a mother. Give it time and Im sure, if she cares this much, she will also come to love him, too. So long as he doesnt blow it again.
cravinsugar cravinsugar 10 years
Well as much as I am for second chances...My parents didn't like one of my boyfriends and I wish I had listened to them...they could see him for wht he really was becase they were not blinded by love.
angelbaby2 angelbaby2 10 years
you are an adult. As you should take your mom's feeling into consideration, you should do what is best for you. ArmyWife's suggestion is a good one. Sit down and talk to both. I have a friend who was on and off with her boyfriend for years and years. No one-including her mom could understand why she kept giving him chances. Well lo and behold-they got married and have been married for 17 years have have 2 kids. He is a wonderful husband and dad-he just sucked at being a good boyfriend. WHen he was ready to settle down-that was it-maybe your boyfriend has reached that point too.
honey31 honey31 10 years
I dont blame your mom!She helped you through the first time he dumped and hurt you and she does not want to see you go through that agian!
ArmyWifey ArmyWifey 10 years
If he is as committed as making at work as you say, and you love your mom and want her to feel good about this, why don't you setup a sit down-the three of you together. Maybe this will give the opportunity for you and him to explain some things to her, and in return it will give her time to ask questions and get her feelings out too...good luck! Army Wifey For Lifey
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