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My Mom Treats My Husband Like a Deadbeat

Dear Sugar
My son, husband and I moved into my Mother's house last September. There
were certain situations going on at home and we didn't have anywhere else to go. Ever since we moved into her house, my Mother refuses to get along with my husband. She constantly insults him and bad mouths him behind his back by saying that he's an irresponsible husband and father.

To his credit, he's been having a difficult time trying to find a new job. He's working hard at it, but nothing is coming his way. He's even been working retail to try and make some money for us, although he's a computer technician. I am working too, but it's just not enough money yet for us to live on our own.

My mother is tough and she's very critical; I can't stand it and after a year of tension, she and my husband finally got into a huge argument ending in her telling him to get out. I don't know what to do. We can't afford to live on our own and presently my three year old son is in preschool by my Mother's house. How can I resolve this? Down and Out Dori

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Dear Down and Out Dori
I am sure you've already thought of this, but is there anywhere else you can go? What about going to live with your husband's family? I know this can't be easy for you, but if this is your only option then you and your hubby need to be grateful for your Mother's home and her help. She is totally bailing you out in your time of need and you can't blame her for being a little bit resentful of her son in law. She's raised you and these are her golden years. Instead of spoiling her grandchild and enjoying these carefree years, she's supporting the three of you. I am sure this is not the future that she dreamed of for any of you.

It would be nice if she was more empathetic, sensitive and able to restrain her comments, but she probably feels like she can say whatever the heck she wants since you are living under her roof and she's paying all of the bills.
Take your Mother aside and tell her that you are doing everything that you can to get out of there but you need some more time. Present her with a budget and a timeline. This way she won't feel like you guys are treating her like a bank and she'll know that you are motivated to leave with a goal date in site. I think taking the time to create a plan for her will show her that you care. I am sure at this point, words aren't going to mean a lot, but if she knows how much you guys are making and what you are saving she'll feel better. Who knows, maybe she'll even match it at some point just so you can all have your lives back. Good Luck.

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