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My Parents Don't Know The Real Me

My Parents Don't Know The Real Me

Dear Sugar
It upsets me that all of my friends know the real me, but I'm having a hard time expressing who I really am to my family. I love to party and I love boys. However, I am a Mormon and dating is not allowed until the age of 16.

My parents are conservative and I am not. I love coffee, and I go out on secret dates that my family doesn't know about. I also have secret body piercings and a few secret tattoos which is not allowed. My mother is over protective and we are constantly clashing.

In my home we have a rule about attending church. I really don't like going as often as my family makes me go. I also don't want to live my life by the same religious boundaries as they do.

At the same time, I don't want to have to keep lying to my mother. She is trying to control what I wear, who I talk to and how to wear my hair and make up. I'm so tired of hearing about how she would have never talked back to her mother when she was my age.

I am so excited to move out and go to college because she is suffocating me. The more she tries to mold me the more I pull away from her. Should I reveal my true self to my parents or should I hide everything until I leave for college? Lost Lara

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Lost Lady
This is an age old battle between young adults and their parents; especially mothers and daughters. Understand that in no way will I encourage you to lie. I think you should definitely talk to your family about your tattoos and piercings and confess to dating and to drinking coffee.

Your parents may be conservative, but they don't live under a rock. They probably know a lot more about the parts of you that you are trying to hide than you realize. They may disapprove of the things you are doing which are against your religion, but I'll bet they would appreciate it if you didn't cut off your open communication altogether with them.

Your parents understand that both your mind and body are going through lots of changes right now. You are entering into an age of self discovery and independence. They probably are just grappling with letting their little girl grow up. Whatever you do, don't put down their values and ideals. If you want to be treated like an adult, act like one.

Try and remember that no matter what, they love you. Perhaps by coming clean with them you can discuss compromising how often you join them at church. You can also talk to them about letting you dress how you want and making your home a more welcoming place for friends that you would like to invite over. Good luck.

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