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My Parents Won't Let Me See My Best Friend Anymore

My Parents Won't Let Me See My Best Friend Anymore

Dear Sugar,
I am a high school senior who has decided to try marijuana now that I've turned 18. I've smoked about a dozen (+) times and I’ve had a great experience with it until recently when my parents found out. Ever since I've been busted, smoking pot has made me super jittery. Now when I smoke, I feel paranoid, my heart beats super fast, my chest hurts and my mind races like crazy about all of the bad things that could be happening to my body.

My parents and I had a big fight about it a few weeks ago. I of course lied and told them that I only did it once so they would forgive me and they did. But a few days ago I came home late and was scolded badly. They could tell that I was high and this time they were more angry than ever.

I've been punished, and now I am not allowed to see my best friend (she was the one that I was out with when I came home late). I feel awful about it. I know it's because of drugs that we have been set apart and so I've decided to stop smoking marijuana forever. My best friend is more important to me than anything.

I know it's going to be hard to stop, but this addiction caused a lot of trouble to my body, my mind, my family and my friendship. DS, how can I convince my parents to let me see her again? I can't stand the thought of not having her in my life. Lonesome Laurel

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Lonesome Laurel
I am sorry that your experiment with drugs ended so badly. Now you know why people always say that drugs cause so many problems. You've tried it and hopefully that's the end of pot for you; especially since it has such a terrible effect on your body.

Now that you've learned your lesson the hard way, we need to fix your problem and get your friend back. Sit down with your parents and have a mature talk with them about allowing your best friend back into your life.

Tell them how sorry you are to have caused them so much worry and pain. Tell them that you regret lying to them and then reassure them that it's not your friend who made you do it. They are just worried that she's a bad influence on you. Explain to them that you and your buddy have a wonderful relationship aside from this "blip" and that you really miss her.

Stay calm and be prepared for a little bit of a lecture. It's your parents job to keep you safe from harm and they aren't going to let this one slide so fast; especially since you lied about it. Hopefully they'll come around. Keep us posted.

gossipqueen gossipqueen 11 years
simple... Your parents=money+food+roofoveryourhead You=maybe part time job+inmaturity+silliness+addictive behaviour The fact that you're 18 means ape s**t! Turning 18 doesn't give you instant wisdom or the knowledge to know what's good or bad for you. Turning 18 should not be your excuse to forget what your parents have done for you for 18 yrs. because you are "legal" now and can do "whatever you want". The moment you have your own place and your parents don't give you a penny then you can turn into a brat all you want and wave the "i'm 18" flag all you want...if they still pay for you and protect owe them all the respect you can give them.
LaylaCams LaylaCams 11 years
I agree, calling Jackie stupid was uncalled for. These things are all about what people think, not what you think of what someone else thinks. Make sense? Either way no need to call people stupid. Period. Froggee, I'd hate for you to be my teacher if you call people stupid so easily.
M155-J4CK13 M155-J4CK13 11 years
I honestly don't care if I was helpful. I stated what I would do in that particular situation. I'm sure this girl won't take my advice as gospel. Nor yours, for that matter. I think an advice column is used to get a GENERAL idea of how others respond to your problem. And the GENERAL consensus on this board is that she should be respectful of her parent's rules. I am in the minority on this matter, so what makes you think my opinion is the only one she will listen to? You have a right to voice your opinion on my opinion, yes. But when you make things personal by suggesting I have no right to give advice because I am not (married, with children, a college graduate) it becomes a whole other issue. And quite offensive, actually.
Froggee285 Froggee285 11 years
um miss jackie, i came on here and stated my opinion. i didnt want to start a fight, i just thought that your advice wasn't very good. period. sorry if you were offended, but did you really think that telling an 18 year old who already has no respect for her parents wishes (whom she lives with) that she can go behind their backs and do what she wants because she's 18 was helpful????? No it isn't helpful, its hurtful. And thats my freaking opinion.
honeysugar28 honeysugar28 11 years
Miss Jackie although I don't necessarily agree with your opinion you shouldn't be bashed and called names either come on guys!
Tiinnaaaa Tiinnaaaa 11 years
I think tht if u r still living with ur parents, and they r still paying for you then even if u r 18 and legally an adult you still have to follow their rules. As unfair and annoying as it can be.. i think it should be like tht.
M155-J4CK13 M155-J4CK13 11 years
Is there any particular reason you're baiting me for an argument? "Seriously, don't listen to Miss Jackie." -I couldn't care less if a random stranger follows my advice or not. I am not telling her to listen to me, I am stating my opinion of her situation in a public forum. That's it. "She's not married, hasn't had kids, hasn't even finished college." -What does this imply? Are you suggesting that because I have not done these things, you are somehow superior to me and better fit to answer this girl's questions? You are very presumptuous to say that. In short, let's not turn this into an argument. I am not very fond of pointless arguing. And if it makes you feel better, I will concede that you're right... but not because I believe it, just to end the drama before it begins. So here you go: "You're right!" Have a nice day.
teddybear teddybear 11 years
I found that when weed stopped working I went on to cocaine and that helped me feel better. Well, when that wore off I started freebasing (smoking cooked cocaine and baking soda)and that was great. When my jaw started popping from that I moved straight to crack. Crack just made me paranoid so I started sniffing heroine. That felt so good that I mainlined(shooting up heroine)and that was great. Now I just do ecstacy every now and then. Double dipped smurfs are my favorite.
t0xxic t0xxic 11 years
HAHAHA shes LL haha funny coincidence? And peep ur not ur mother just idk you have common sense! :STAR: HAPPY 2nd BIRTHDAY MIKEY JR !!!! :STAR:
peepshow peepshow 11 years
Something doesn't click. Lonesome Laurel wants to hang out with her best friend-- the one she smoked pot with? I'm asking, not assuming. Because if that's the case, then LL's parents are 100% right. Especially if LL wants to stop smoking pot-- don't hang around people that are bad influences. (Whoa, when did I turn into my mother!!?!)
t0xxic t0xxic 11 years
Legally speaking of course because shes in school. :STAR: HAPPY 2nd BIRTHDAY MIKEY JR !!!! :STAR:
t0xxic t0xxic 11 years
FYI 18 or not if she is still in high school her parents have whatever say they want until she gets out of thier house. :STAR: HAPPY 2nd BIRTHDAY MIKEY JR !!!! :STAR:
M155-J4CK13 M155-J4CK13 11 years
On the matter of my "stupidity", I would just like to say that it is simply an opinion. You have yours, I have mine, they have theirs, and so on and so forth. And I think that at the age of eighteen she is able to make her own decisions. Parents are there to provide guidance, yes, but not in the form of commands and control and ultimatums. That is not guidance, it's fascism. "Drugs are illegal." -Thank you, Captain Obvious. "Her parents love her and want to steer her in the right direction (unlike you)." -You're right. I don't want to steer her in the right direction... I don't want to steer her in ANY direction. I am not egotistical enough to presume that I can influence "Lonesome Laurel's" life, unlike yourself. This is just a message board to me. Not life or death. I was simply giving my opinion on the subject at hand.
SweetPeasMom SweetPeasMom 11 years
Froggee, Amen, sister!
Froggee285 Froggee285 11 years
if you lie again to your parents you will never regain their trust. thats really sad. seriously, whatever you do, don't listen to miss jackie. shes not married, hasn't had kids, hasn't even finished college. if her child, who she held seconds after birth, decided at 18 that she wanted to do drugs And get pregnant (and could do so at 18) I betcha miss jackie would say something aganist it.
Froggee285 Froggee285 11 years
Miss Jackie, i think you are being stupid. Sure, LEGALLY, she can do whatever she wants and her parents can't punish her, but 1)she still lives at home and must obey the rules of her parents if she wants to still live there for FREE and 2)drugs are illegal and her parents don't want to be caught with drugs in their house, that they own, because it will mess up their lives if they get caught. 3) her parents love her and want to steer her in the right direction (not like you) and don't wan't any drug related problems with their daughter. You can't just say, Oh shes 18, let her do whatever she wants, let her have drugs and have sex and let her boyfriend stay, you have to guide your children and make sure that they do the right thing, because you remember when they were 3 and would get excited when they had a home depot apron with pockets. And again, with the legallity of it, I am a teacher, so if one of my children got caught with drugs in MY house, I'd have to face the consequence too. Also: her parents don't want her hanging out with her for good reason. if you MUST hang out with your friend, maybe it can be in YOUR house, with your parents around, until they trust you again.
Toronado Toronado 11 years
Odd how we will continue to engage in a particular behaviour that has done nothing but cause grief and harm. I did it myself with a sedative addiction. Sooner or later you realize that it's time to stop and straighten yourself out. If it's doing everything to hinder your life and nothing to fulfill it, it's time to stop. Your parents will trust you again, one of these days...but you have to work extra hard in order to give them good reason to trust you. Seems as though you genuinely care about them and what they think...and believe it or not, they care deeply for you, too. That's why they freaked out. They're scared sh-tless about you. Sure, you may be 18, but you are still their daughter. You can't rightly expect them to just quit being paranoid because of your age. It's never gonna happen. But you CAN make it so they trust you, and believe me, when they feel they can, you'll find yourself with a lot more freedom. Sooooo...get rid of the pot, start acting like the adult you are, and you'll be treated like one, you'll see.
M155-J4CK13 M155-J4CK13 11 years
You're eighteen years old. And that means that your parents have no right to forbid you from seeing your friend or anyone, for that matter. They also have no right to interrogate you about your drug use, or lack thereof. You are a legal adult. However, if you do chose to keep these personal matters to yourself, there is a chance that your parents may kick you out of their home. I think you need to be more secretive when it comes to these things. To be open with your parents about your illegal drug use is to risk being kicked out of the home. As far as the weed goes, the decision to stop is entirely your's to make. Not your parents.
t0xxic t0xxic 11 years
Umm, ur parents will eventually get over it. U just need to do right and start proving ur self to them more. Keep the drugs away from u, stay out of situations where ur gonna be tempted. If best friend is in those situations your only gonna loose her more and well you really dont need to be apart of that so maybe what your parents are doing is best. Ur 18 now its time to grow up focus on what you need to do with the rest of ur life. Chances are u and that bffe are gonna split seperate ways anyways. Tough life but its true.
herbiefrog herbiefrog 11 years
so it was great till there was a threatening situation ? [and its hard to reach that... ...yeah thats tough. common though :( sounds like you should lose the threatening situation asap ...or become like them... welcome to stepford : ) not that stuff isnt dissapproved of by many so...wait or get better at hiding your stash : ) this is where we give our ignorant, uneducated advice - right?
yiddidea yiddidea 11 years
I think that it is great that you have stopped using drugs and are making a positive decision to stay away from them. The best way to mend things with your parents is to prove to them that you are telling the truth with your actions and behavior. That being said, if you are 18 years old, you really don't need your parent's permission to be friends with someone. But, if this friend is still using drugs you may find it hard to hang out with her while she is using if you are truly going to stop.
honeysugar28 honeysugar28 11 years
Wow I feel so bad for you. Everyone makes mistakes specially when we're young adults because its a transition from young inexperienced teenager to adulthood. So explain it to your parents how curiosity got the best of you and you made your mistakes but your friend had nothing to do with your decisions. It may take a little bit of time but if you prove that you're really done with this behavior your parents will trust you again. Disappointing your parents its a horrible feeling but all things come to pass even this situation so just be strong and make things right and one day this will just be something that happened a long time ago. :-)
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