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In Need of a Change, but Not Sure What

Group Therapy: In Need of a Change, but Not Sure What

This question comes from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

Overall, I would say that I have a good life, but it feels like something is missing. I moved to my current town 9 years ago to attend college and I remained here after graduation. I really have enjoyed my time here. I have met some really good people. Since it is a college town though, it can be hard to "fit in" unless you are out at the college bars all the time or are here with a family. I'm somewhere in the middle.

A majority of my friends from college that are nearby are now married and/or have started their own families. I have a decent job that I enjoy, but I don't think I can say that it is my life's passion. My family is wonderful and I love spending time with them. They live about 3 hours away from me and I try to see them once a month or so. I have a boyfriend and for the most part it's a good relationship. We have been together for 9 months or so. While I care a lot about him and truly enjoy our time together, I'm not 100% sure that he is the one. He recently told me that he loves me and has talked about wanting to get married. I'm not in a huge rush to get married at all, to anyone.


So as you can see, my life isn't horrible. I just feel like I haven't done what I'm meant to yet, and I'm not sure what that is. I have toyed with the idea of moving to a bigger city, but at the same time I like being within driving distance of my family. I am starting to feel like I am just "comfortable" with where my life is right now. I don't want to just be "comfortable." I want to be great, outstanding, exciting, etc. I get into ruts and it is hard for me to make big changes. I want to live my life to the fullest and I don't know that I'm doing that right now. I'm in my late 20s and don't want to look back and see that I've just settled for life. I'm not really sure where to start making changes though? Ideas?

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dikke-kus dikke-kus 7 years
Wake up and smell the coffee. Make some decisions. About your boyfriend, about your job. About what you want. Take action. He's not going to wait around for three years for you to decide if your ready. If you don't want to marry him then move to another city and find some adventure. Do something. Pick up and go to Florence or Amsterdam or Moscow or dance the night away in Prague. Go to graduate school somewhere. Have some time away and be a grown up. Not slinking around a small college community, feeling stuck around your family. After being out there in the world I would say you take a lot for granted and you're a lucky person.
hibiscus96818 hibiscus96818 7 years
It sounds like most of us are in the same position. I'm 26, living in the same city I grew up in, and I feel bored, frustrated, and ready for something new. I have no husband, no kids, and my family has moved away so I can leave whenever I want. However, I do have bad health and medical debt so I can't just up and leave without having a good payng job ready for me wherever I go. I say if you are feeling bored and ready to move on to a new life, then jump! We all have to take chances sometimes. Personally, I'm ready to make my jump now...just waiting for the right job to come around :)
cailinirua cailinirua 7 years
Hi! I agree with most of the above - I get incredibly frustrated when I feel my life is stuck in a rut but you are the only one that has the power to change it. The hardest thing is that there are always 101 reasons pulling you back from change but now is the time to do it. Yes you're in a relationship but you say you're not sure if he's the one anyway so you only really have yourself to think about right now (I know this sounds selfish but sometimes you have to put yourself first). Once you get into a career job, tied down to a partner, have a family etc. it just gets so much harder to change things. For me I write down things I want to do to improve my life or things I used to do that I enjoyed or things that I envy about other people's lives and then set about getting started. It may be something huge like moving to a new city or going travelling or it may be small like resurrecting an old interest or starting a new sport / gym classes and meeting lots of new people along the way. What would your dream job be and are there any steps you can take in that general direction to make it happen or to have it as a hobby to start with? Best of luck!
Marni7 Marni7 7 years
My life is so insanely parallel to this post that it is EERIE. Down to the distance in hours from my family and staying in the same place where I attended college. Wow.
redchick152 redchick152 7 years
oh honey, you've just described me to a T. i'm 25 and i have no idea where i want my life to go. i've lived in the same state my whole life (different cities pre college, during college, and post college). i'm finally enjoying where i live now, but something is still missing. i know i have the freedom to go/do whatever, but i don't know what's holding me back. maybe i just lack courage? i don't have any advice, but at least you know you are not alone in feeling that way. if you figure it out, let me know!
kurniakasih kurniakasih 7 years
I agree with Helen, you're in a really good position to make any change you'd like. And the freedom to do it. You're very fortunate in that aspect. I would, if I were you :) But it's your choice. Good luck. P.S. spacekatgal, Heinlein is awesome :D
Vanonymous Vanonymous 7 years
You've just described my life! I'm 26 and I've lived in the same city my whole life. I am happy at my job, but I know I do not want to do it forever. The majority of my friends have moved to bigger cities, but I cannot bare the thought of being far from my family. I'm super happy with my boyfriend (of almost 6 years). I feel like my life is good, but a bit boring. I try to keep in mind that if you're bored, then you're boring. I just started a graduate program thinking that it will be the change I'm looking for, or I'm at least working towards a change. So far, it doesn't seem to be cutting it. Next plan is to travel more. Let me know if you find a solution!
Love-and-Sex Love-and-Sex 7 years
I'm not sure this will help long term, but there was a line in Mad Men this week that stood out. One character said that whenever she feels out of sorts she just looks at the calendar as something exciting is inevitably coming up. I think it's good advice! Plan something to look forward to, like a vacation or a move to a new apartment, or the holiday season!
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 7 years
Most of us wait for external disaster and upheaval to shake up our lives for us. You are in a position to decide the form your change will take. You can choose to be creative with your life or not. There is no penalty either way. Change will eventually happen no matter what you decide.
Dashygurl Dashygurl 7 years
maybe you need to go on a adventure something to inspire and get your creative juices flowing. Sounds like you are not fitting in with the crowd around you, and your not ready to be apart of the crowd. I suggest move to a big city near you and see what happens enjoy to rush of life that comes with living in a big city.
JoeTyndall JoeTyndall 7 years
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