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New Guy Dating Mutual Friend

"New Guy May Also Be Dating a Mutual Acquaintance"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I've recently started dating a seemingly nice man. We've been out three times so far, including two nights in a row and he's come across as quite a gentleman. We're in similar lines of work, so we have a lot to talk about. He's talked a lot about his family and his personal life and has mentioned to me that he does like me and wants to take things slow and not rush (physically). Everything has seemed great — he texts me every day — anything from "how's your day?" to some more flirty/suggestive messages.

I definitely feel like he's interested, but I then bumped into him at a movie theater with a mutual acquaintance of ours, on what very much appeared to be a date. I was so initially stunned that I didn't handle the situation well at all, and may have been rude to my friend in the shock of realizing he may be dating both of us. I don't think that she knows I've also been seeing him — and I am struggling with how to handle. By no means are we exclusive and dating other people hasn't come up yet, but I feel misled by some of his actions. I don't want to immediately kick him to the curb, but I think this is a red flag. I don't know if I should bring it up to him or wait to see if he's going to bring it up to me.


I feel terrible about the way I behaved when I ran into them and would also like to explain that to my friend, without it coming across that I'm tattling on him for dating both of us or rubbing it in her face. Help!

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously on Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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onlysourcherry onlysourcherry 5 years
Sometimes men will say they "don't want to rush things" because they are already "rushing things" with someone else. Not to make you paranoid, but it's move guys use to look sensitive when the are actually having their cake and eating it too. Since you know the other girl, this situation has the potential to get real, real awkward. what's going to happen? He will "pick" one of you over the other eventually? How will that impact your relationship with this girl? Will your mutual friends have to decide which of you to invite to parties and nights out? i don't know about this...
missmaryb missmaryb 5 years
I'm kind of old fashioned and I only date one person at a time, but I guess a lot of people like to date more than one person at once. Thus I understand your reaction. I would have been shocked and a little upset too. If this other girl is only an acquaintance I probably wouldn't call her about it, but I would definitely bring it up to the guy. I wouldn't go all psycho jealous, but I would ask him if he is seeing other women, and then decide if I wanted to keep dating him. I suppose he's not doing anything wrong, but if you believe in only seeing one person at a time, then you guys are definitely not on the same page. Good luck.
Gdeeaz Gdeeaz 5 years
If you two haven't discussed being exclusive then you shouldn't assume you are the only one he is seeing. He isn't doing anything wrong by seeing the both of you. Call your friend and apologize. If she asks why you acted the way you did tell her the truth. If you have an issue with him seeing other people you need to talk to him and let your feelings be known.
Melficent Melficent 5 years
It's simple call up your friend and appologise, then explain why you acted like you did. Ask her if she is dating him too she knows where she stands with him. You shouldn't feel worried about telling her whats going on either she has a right to know if he is cheating on her too. Did you ask the GUYabout this incident yet?
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