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New Rules of Marriage?

Whether you're dating, planning a wedding, or already married, I'm sure you've gotten a lot of relationship advice from other married folks. If they've listed off any of the soft rules of marriage, you might want to do some new research. On a recent segment on The Today Show, Rosemary Ellis, the editor-in-chief of Good Housekeeping, shared some new and improved rules of marriage that you should check out below.

Old Myth New Rule Explanation
Never go to bed angry. Sleep on it, but before you roll over in a huff, give your partner a six-second kiss. If you're blood is boiling and you're frustrated with your honey, duking it out all night won't help. Though kissing before you go to bed won't necessarily solve your problems, it will remind you of your special connection so you can talk about it the next day with a clear and level head.

Want to see the other myths? Then


Old Myth New Rule Explanation
As you get older, sex isn't as important. There's no reason you won't grow more sexually connected. The more comfortable you feel with a person, the more confident you'll be to ask for what you want and try new things.
As a marriage grows, you'll realize that you've grown apart and fallen out of love. Marriages don't run on feelings — in order for them to thrive, both partners need to do their fare share of work. Working through your differences and talking through your disagreements and issues will make your relationship stronger.
Couples who stay together have a lot in common. It's actually the couples who don't have a lot in common who are often happiest. You don't have to love doing everything together all the time as long as you do set aside time to be together. Also, having different interests is a plus because it'll keep you happy and secure as an individual, which can only benefit your relationship.
Every guy has a midlife crisis. It's actually a "reinvention," and women go through it too. Everyone's life goes through change. Maybe your career takes off in a different direction, or your children leave home, or a parent passes away. The first half of your life is different than the second half, but the second half should get better!

I don't necessarily agree with all of these "new" rules, but what about you? Is there some merit to these news ways of thinking about marriage? Share your thoughts in the comment section below.


Join The Conversation
sldc sldc 9 years
Reinvention? As long as it does not mean a flashy sportscar and trying to attract chicks half his age... or selling everything we own to move to Alaska, I am cool with it. Luckily, midlife is a while away and there aren't any reinventions anticipated anywhere close to the near future.
snapdragon snapdragon 9 years
im sorry that i offended you im not around alot of newly weds. i just know that my husband and i have been married almost 3 years which still makes us in the honeymoon state and we've only had maybe 5 fights of importance. my exprience is you fight alot and i mean to the point you can keep track in a month then you shouldn't be togehter.
sodria sodria 9 years
I agree with most of the myths, except we don't go to bed angry. We work out the problem and then fall asleep and the next day we don't bring it up.
Collaroy Collaroy 9 years
I agree with the user above- there are no guidelines for the perfect marriage. If there were, there wouldn't be any divorces any more. But people are different and so are couples. That 6-second-kiss might work for some people but not for everyone. If I'm really angry, I definitely don't want to kiss my boyfriend ( and really, counting time while doing so? Really?? How very romantic.). I want to make sure that we will talk about it the next day- just a short indication to show we still care for each other even if we're angry.
bransugar79 bransugar79 9 years
I don't think there are any hard and fast "rules" for marriage. I agree that anything can happen at any time so your marriage doesn't have to follow a particular pattern to be A OK. I've only been married for a little over a month but we have been together for 12 years on and off. Sometimes we go to bed angry or he does because I can't sleep and just keep getting more angry, or sometimes we kiss and make up. We don't have everything in common but that helps because we balance each other in the most awesome ways. I don't foresee a time that we won't be madly in love and have a hard time keeping our hands off each other but hey that's love. And I totally think that if you marry the right person time doesn't make you grow apart it finds ways to help cement your relationship even more. I know an awful lot about my husband but the longer I'm around him the more I find out. It's kind of like a treasure hunt and it's the best thing in my life ever !
LiLRuck44 LiLRuck44 9 years
I agree and disagree. Cooling off overnight does help sometimes I think, I usually wake up refreshed and I remember what's really important. We never go to bed without kissing and saying "I love you", but it doesn't last anywhere NEAR 6 seconds =) On the other hand, I have many many old (65+), still married couples in my life who all seem to say the same thing "Never go to bed angry". I know the same thing doesn't work for every couple but I can't help thinking that their advice might be worth something in the end. BTW, any newlyweds out there who haven't had children yet, just wait. The most intense arguements we've ever had are about child-related issues! And then you HAVE to wait until nighttime to duke it out!
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 9 years
Actually, I sort of subscribe to the advice of never going to bed angry. If hubbie and I are intensely arguing, we would forego sleep, and argue into the night. We wouldn't be sleeping. So we never go to bed angry because we're arguing all night. :)
Cynnie Cynnie 9 years
I'm with sun_sun here. I thought it was a bit judgemental on snapdragons part to mock a noter on the fighting thing. Not every couple solve their arguments right away. I know I don't and I've been with him for 4 years. Sometimes I think it's best to sleep on it. Alot can happen during a fight, you can say alot of things that maybe you don't mean, so instead of doing that I rather cool off think about the right things and then we can solve the whole thing. Anyways, that's how I approach this matter...we are not all the same...
CaterpillarGirl CaterpillarGirl 9 years
I have been married 8 years and have gone to bed angry many times, and no 6 second kiss is going to happen, because with my hubby he would take that as "everythings kosher" and that opens another can of worms. There is nothing wrong with argueing, its when it goes beyond that into screaming, or insults, or violence that you have to worry about. And you will wake up some days and go "jesus i wish i was single" and others its "how could i live without him!"
pinknfluffy pinknfluffy 9 years
Sun_Sun I'm with you 100%. I've been married nearly 5 months and its aleady geting easier. Comments like SnapDragon's perpetuate the media myth of "Newlyweds" and "The Honeymoon Period". Getting married was the biggest emotional thing in my and my hubby's life, maybe it hit us harder cos we never lived or slept together before. But the first few weeks and months were a TOUGH adjustmet! And the expectation that everything should be butterflies and roses did not help, because that made us feel like failures. Now that we've settled into our life together and are a litle more emotionally stable, I can see how this whole tough period has really brought us so close together. But I think too many people have the opinion that if a relationship isn't always easy, it isn't real or right or "the one" or whatever. And that's just a pet peeve of mine :)
ninjastarlett ninjastarlett 9 years
lol gossipqueen I like the spins on the other ones but I disagree with sleeping on it. I'm definitely a fan of just getting the fight over with... I can't sleep with something like that on mind, not to mention without the cuddling =(
drinkerofh2o drinkerofh2o 9 years
I really like this post. Very creative and thought-provoking.
Silverlining10 Silverlining10 9 years
My boyfriend always insists we talk it out when I'm mad. He never gets mad, only me, so he makes sure I'm completely satisfied and happy before he lets me walk away or go to bed. I like it that way!
Sun_Sun Sun_Sun 9 years
snapdragon---its common knowledge that the first year of marriage (yes the first months included) are the hardest. 2 souls must mesh into one. that comes with disagreements and arguments and sacrifices. the first few months were very hard for my husband and i, and as we get close to our one year anniversary we can say that our relationship has gotten much better than the first few months. so it bothered me a little that u say "ur already fighting" to bsgiork. sounded a little judgemental
emalove emalove 9 years
I love that mid-life crisises are now called "reinventions". Haha.
lexgal916 lexgal916 9 years
Im glad to read the not having anything in common myth. My boyfriend and I have very little in common and it really does make us each do things the other one likes and experience more things. Who knew i'd like snowboarding so much!?
snapdragon snapdragon 9 years
you guys have only been married a few months and already fighting? we have been married for almost 3 years and end up making up before the end of the night. neither of us can sleep if its of importance. so either way have to resolve it before bed
bsglrok132 bsglrok132 9 years
My husband and I sometimes go to bed angry, but we say good night and cool off overnight. It's better than being up half the night talking in circles and not getting anywhere. We've only been married a few months, but I think the rule that marriages require a lot of work even after a lot of years is true. If a couple works on it and tries new things, they can still have romance and heat in the relationship.
aimeeb aimeeb 9 years
Lambsauce I'm with you.
oliveoyle625 oliveoyle625 9 years
wow, thanks for the info. sometimes, it's really hard to not go to bed angry because I'm the type that needs to cool off and then hash it out with a level head, but my bf is the other way around. he has to take it on and try to resolve it then and there, which can make the problem worse. however, a lot of the new myths and explanations sound like good things to keep in mind.
snapdragon snapdragon 9 years
my husband and i agree not to go to bed angery. we live by the rule you never know what will happen and being angery could be the last think of your loved one. i don't know about you but i couldn't bare to have that on my mind that being upset over something dumb instead of him knowing i love him.
Geisha-Runner Geisha-Runner 9 years
If I'm going to go to bed angry, I do give hubby a kiss. I do it with all of our arguments. It usually difusses things a bit too. Enless it's a phone fight and I say "I love you" and hang up. He HATES when I hang up on him. Lol. I am a big fan of having seperate interests. It would get boring really fast if you two were the EXACT same person. Variety is the spice of life!
Kristinh1012 Kristinh1012 9 years
Bluebird.....I love kurt Halsey! you just put me on a search for anything new. Sorry to be off topic guys! It depends on what we're fighting about. Sometimes I can go to sleep ANNOYED, but not angry. I'll just want to side kick him off the bed when he falls asleep and I'm laying there like a dummy getting more mad cause he CAN actually fall asleep....... But we RARELY ever have these moments. Thank God.
graylen graylen 9 years
My boyfriend and I have a rule that when we are fighting, you are allowed time outs for cooling off. Generally the timeout is just enough time for us to reevaluate and start talking a little more clearly. Seems to work well for us! That being said, we don't go to bed angry. We can't sleep without cuddling first and the cuddling generally makes the mad slip away.
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