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Nicole Daedone on Orgasms, Sex Positivity and the Future of the Slow Sex Movement

Slow-Sex Movement Guru: On Orgasms and Sex Positivity


"I’ve never actually met a woman who wasn’t orgasmic. I’ve met women who’ve put themselves against a cultural idea, but we orgasm differently from the model that we’re told orgasm is."


This is the last post in a four-part series of interviews I had with Nicole Daedone, who is emerging as the leader of the slow-sex movement, and who founded the OneTaste urban retreat center in San Francisco. OneTaste invites men and women to learn about mindful sexuality by participating in workshops, yoga, and (for residents only) controversial "OMing" sessions in which men stroke women to orgasm during daily morning sessions. To read the fourth part of the interview with Nicole,

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TrèsSugar: Do you think that so-called “sex positivity” has helped women? There are a lot of women who have grown up around the idea that sexual desire isn’t something shameful, but rather something to explore and have fun with. Has it brought its own problems?
Nicole Daedone: I think that it’s like yoga; you’re constantly making microadjustments. I think that we went too far this way, into heedlessness, and that’s not any fun either. We’ve opened a field of sexuality and so the next question is, “What do we do with it?” Just open is a mess, but open and directed is power.

TS: You have a book coming out, but what’s your fantasy about where all this is going?
ND: My vision of how it’s going to go is that there will be a slow-sex movement and it will be women who carry it. It will be twofold: top down with a lot of information coming in from the media, but it will also be grassroots where the message will be transmitted from one person to the next.

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TS: What do you think about the fact that there are many women who still — alone or with a partner — have never had an orgasm?
ND: It’s heartbreaking. It shows how far away from our own bodies we have to be to feel that way. I’ve met a lot of women who say they’ve never had an orgasm.
TS: Or they fake it! I think that some women feel that there’s a right way to have an orgasm: it’s supposed to look like this, sound like that, feel exactly like this …
ND: But — I’ve never actually met a woman who wasn’t orgasmic. I’ve met women who’ve put themselves against a cultural idea, but we orgasm differently from the model that we’re told orgasm is. So yeah, you know what? I don’t do "that" either.

Thanks, Nicole! (To see all of TrèsSugar's coverage of the slow-sex movement and Nicole Daedone's interviews, click here.)

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