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Now is as Good a Time as Any

Dear Sugar
I am so confused about my relationship with one of my good guy friends. I can't tell if he is interested in me as more than a friend or if he wants to take it to the next level. He sends me mixed signals all the time and I have had it!

For example, he will say "I think we would make a good couple" then a couple of days later he will say "We should always just be friends so we won't ruin what we have." I don't know what to do. I really like him, but I just can't figure him out. Can you give me some tips on how to handle this situation? Anticipating Annie

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Anticipating Annie
Getting mixed signals can be totally confusing so I understand your frustration. It sounds like he is pretty confused himself. If you are sick and tired of waiting for him to make a move, you are going to have to take a risk and ask him how he feels.

What does your gut tell you? Does it feel like he is interested in you? Sometimes the perfect guy could be right in front of your face so what do you have to lose? Since you are not sure what his reaction would be, try adding a bit of comedy to your conversation to ease the tension. The next time he makes a comment about what a great couple you would be, try saying something like this:

"You're so funny; you always say that but you never act on it...why not? Are you afraid of me? You should know by now that I don't bite!"

Take his reaction and run with it, you never know, he might be too afraid to make a move on you because he doesn't think you are interested in him. Sometimes guys are extremely insecure about being turned down so perhaps all he needs is a little push in the right direction to gain the confidence to make the move. Good luck.

Join The Conversation
MandiMark1 MandiMark1 10 years
you already know that you guys get along, so I think that you should go for it! These relationships can be the best. If your friendship is truly strong, and if a relationship doesn't work out, then you guys should still be able to be friends. I think that I would be more playful and flirty, like grab his hand and see how he reacts. Good luck! xox
hrhdiana hrhdiana 10 years
Have you ever asked him outright about the contradictions? I wonder what he would say if you asked him what you were supposed to make of his statements. I think Dear Sugar's suggestion of gentle confrontation is a good one.
Pinkgirl88 Pinkgirl88 10 years
I agree with everyone here. I have been dating my boyfriend for three years but before that we were flirty friends for two. It worked out so perfectly because we already were in a good honest place when we started. I hope thins work out for you TINA!
Marci Marci 10 years
I agree completely with PopGoestheWorld. Sounds like he values the friendship too much to want to risk it if you're not interested in pursuing something further. Test the waters next time, yes! Good luck, and let us know what happens!
boxem180 boxem180 10 years
my first reaction is to say jump him but some guys are rather skittish. dearsugar is right on this one: go along with it and maybe he'll catch on. good luck!
emisaurusrex emisaurusrex 10 years
I agree with popgoestheworld-- he's testing the waters. If guys aren't interested, they will usually just avoid the subject all together or definitely not say anything about being a good couple! I'd go ahead and ask him how he feels in a humorous way, like dearsugar suggested. Good luck!
nicachica nicachica 10 years
i definately agree PopGoestheWorld! i've had that happen to me before. it sounds like he is interested so give him the nudge he needs! or better yet, lean in and make that first move yourself. :) good luck!
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 10 years
It sounds like he could be testing the waters to see how you feel without actually coming out and declaring that he's interested. He probably realizes that your friendship would be at stake and doesn't want to compromise it. I'm with Dear Sugar that you should play along the next time he says something and see how it goes. I just think it's the absolute best when good friendships turn into love. I'm rooting for you!!!
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