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Group Therapy: I've Fallen For Someone I've Never Met

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

This guy started talking to me via Facebook a couple months ago. (I know how retarded this sounds but bear with me.) At first I wasn't interested, but eventually he opened up to me and I liked what I found. We text every single day and he is always saying things to me that are comforting. (And no, they are not just schemes to get in my pants. This guy is sincere.) Some things he would say would be . . . "I haven't met you but I have heard and seen you. There's something about your demeanor that is really appealing and I can't get it out of my head." or "I want to say that I miss you but I can't haha." even "You ruined other girls for me :)" and then there's "I'll fix your heart if you fix my mind." along with many, many other things. We are both sexually and emotionally attracted to each other, which is strange because we never even met. We have mutual friends though so I know he's not some old man haha.

The thing is, I'm just really scared to meet him. I know that he has built me into this amazing person, and I don't think I can live up to her. I'm completely different in person. I like this kid a lot but something is off . . . I'm not sure what it is. He is everything I want in a guy. He is modest, honest and even an abstract thinker. I'm not really sure why I am posting this anyway really . . . I guess I need reassurance that it is not so corny to find a great guy through Facebook and actually build up a set of feelings for a someone I never met.

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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fmminis fmminis 5 years
Bond, James Bond
karlotta karlotta 6 years
I disagree with everyone here, mostly because that's how I met my boyfriend. He first contacted me via ichat after a common friend told him we had a lot in common; at first I was not interested, kept blowing him off, but he had such a great sense of humor that he won me over. A week later, after a thousand hours of chat, and a webcam where he gave me a light show and sang me songs and made me laugh, I realized I was completely in love with him. So what if you've never seen someone in 3D? Chemistry can happen at a distance. It took us 15 months to actually meet in person. FIFTEEN. During that time, we talked every day, did webcams almost every night - even dated other people, but we both agree - we simply couldn't wait to get home and talk to each other. He lived 5000 miles away, so it wasn't an easy or cheap feat to get him to the US, but when we finally saw each other in person, it was the weirdest, most awkward moment ever - we had shared so much, and there we were, physically strangers! It was only a few days before the awkwardness subsided, leaving room for the most intense physical attraction I've ever felt. Today, we've been together for 6 years. He will be the father of my children, and the great love of my life. So you know what? A lot of naysayers here, but you never know. Love sometimes appears from the strangest places, and the best you can do is give it its chance. In any event, I totally understand falling for someone you've never met. It does happen, and it does happen for real. I'm living proof.
juicebox07 juicebox07 6 years
Let me first say that a person can seem different online than they are in person. Years ago, I was talking to this guy online for months. We seemed to click really well. We then decided to meet. I did not like him at all. There was no physical attraction, and he kept poking me and acting like a little kid. I never spoke to him after that. I recently ran into him at the grocery store and it was pretty awkward then too. Just don't get your hopes up.
awesomepants awesomepants 6 years
I agree with everyone. I've seen this happen a million times and it has never worked out. I'm not saying it won't for you, I hope it does, but just be very careful. Guard your heart and tell him to get tested before you sleep with him. The herp is no joke.
onlysourcherry onlysourcherry 6 years
"I've Fallen For Someone I've Never Met" So suck it up and meet him. It's not super complicated!
jazzytummy jazzytummy 6 years
Agree with all. Look at this as little more than a fantasy and go in with zero expectations. You have to meet the guy soon, otherwise you will fall into the black hole of an internet only"relationship" and could waste months there. Get off your computer and go have coffee with the guy. Until then, none of it is real.
weffie weffie 6 years
It's funny to me that you are concerned that he's built you into "this amazing person" when it's obvious that's exactly what you've done with him. You translate the bs come-ons of a total stranger as sincerity, and even say he is "everything you want in a guy" despite having NEVER MET THE MAN. He is just words on a screen, and the real dude behind those words just knows what you want to hear. Maybe he is sincere and nice and will turn out to be everything you want in a guy, but chances are he's just a regular guy and I think you're going to be disappointed when the reality doesn't live up to your imaginary ideals. And I think, deep down, you already know that, which is why you're putting off meeting him and why you have a feeling that something is off.
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 6 years
Just meet the guy already. He might slurp his food or smell funny or have an annoying laugh. He might say like all the time. Find out. A real relationship can only exist in reality, so by definition one can't officially start until you meet face to face. All this stuff you're doing doesn't count toward one. So it's just a huge waste of time.
MissJules5x MissJules5x 6 years
I had mutual friends that knew this guy. He added me on Myspace (yes thats how long ago this was that myspace was even relevant) we talked often. We didn't live near eachother but we kept in touch online and on the phone. I eventually moved and lost all of my contacts on my phone so we lost touch for a bit. Fast forward about 2 years and we reconnected and we have been together ever since the first day we actually decided to meet up and this is almost 4 years later. I believe it can happen and there is nothing wrong with getting to know someone over the phone/computer but you have to go into it with no expectations. People can change themselves to be exactly what they want to portray when they don't have to match the body language and actions to what they say. What do your mutual friends think about this person? What do your mutual friends think about this person for you? Someone that knows the both of you well will be able to give you an honest opinion. In the meantime, take it slow when you do finally meet and if you really want to know what this person is like then its time to have a little face time where you cant hide.
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 6 years
This is not a relationship. And yes, he might be feeding you lines. But, no reason something real couldn't develop if you both have proper expectations. Is it likely? No. But it's possible. Be careful if you meet him. And listen to your gut. It's telling you something is off.
JoeTyndall JoeTyndall 6 years
OP, I want to reassure you this is not the great romance you are hoping it would be.
pax4pax pax4pax 6 years
Meet in a safe place with others and do as @courvalant says.
somekindofmagic somekindofmagic 6 years
Also I went through the same things - we had mutual friends and I knew he was safe but he made me out to be something I'm not. We met and he wasn't interested but it's a chance you have to take.
somekindofmagic somekindofmagic 6 years
I'm sorry, doll - but all of those are lines. I have heard the same thing and as soon as I met the guy and he didn't get laid he would never talk to me again. It doesn't matter how sweet they come off, it's usually put on to get something. You should step back a bit emotionally and then meet the guy. Do not sleep with him right away and see if his personality stays the same. But it's funny that you say "it's not lines!" because yes, they really are lines and I have heard them over and over and over again.
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