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Online Dating as a Virgin

"Should I Say That I'm a Virgin on My Dating Profile?"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I'm a member of a dating site. The way this dating site matches people is by their answers to public questions relating to sex, morals, religion, etc. In one of the prompted questions, I truthfully answered that I was a virgin and really never gave it much thought thereafter.

Last night I was chatting with a potential suitor, and I was playfully and jokingly saying that I don't really get a lot of bites from the men I truly want to date. First the conversation veered to the fact that it's because I'm "extremely attractive" (his words, not mine) and not a lot of men will message me or message me back because of the intimidation factor (which I thought would dissolve over the internet, but guess not).

Then the conversation veered to the fact that I'm a virgin, and this perfectly lovely guy stated that even though it's not his opinion, a lot of other men steer clear of virgins because they don't want to "teach us" and because we appear pious and religious. The latter is not true, by the way. Another guy pal told me that guys are confused that an attractive girl could ever be a virgin, and that since I'm such a baffling enigma, I am kept at arms length.


Anyway, now I'm thinking: should I delete my answer to that question? My thinking was that if men were so turned off by a virgin, my answer to that question would act as a filter — getting rid of the guys who have no interest in being with me because of something as silly as virginity. I rationalized that it's better that they never approach me (I guess), than date them, tell them I'm a virgin somewhere along the line, and then watch them disappear. In the latter scenario, I will have wasted my time and effort.

What do you think? In some way, I feel like deleting it would be to shame myself ("Ha, I'm 21 and still a virgin, what a loser. Let me hide this information away, far, far away!") But on the other hand, I can see how it can be TMI.

So delete or not to delete?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously in Group Therapy for advice!

Image Source: Shutterstock
apaulished apaulished 3 years

(Idk if this is too late--hope not, but here it goes anyways.) Definitely keep it! As Agent_J1 said, we're a rare and precious breed, and this we have to be proud of. I'm on your same boat btw and when I DIDN'T specify that I was still carrying my V-card on my profile once, the guy I ended up seeing did as you predicted: Disappear after a few dates once I told him. (His loss!)

If you're not clear from the get-go, you'll get suitors who'll see you as a potential eff-buddy and not as someone who takes that part of a relationship very seriously (and in my case, waiting-til-marriage seriously).

Kudos and keep it up!

fmminis fmminis 4 years
You might get a few nibbles if you say you're a virgin but the guy you probably want won't care if you've been around the block a few's much less awkward, don't you think?
SunnFlowers SunnFlowers 5 years
After reading the previous comment, I see that maybe it is a bit of an inappropriate question and if you are looking for a lasting relationship, this doesnt seem like the best website. Sexual status shouldbe shared with someone you trust and someone you care about and cares about you. If you are with a guy for a while and sex comes into question and he 'runs' because you are a virgin, then you can know that he truly wasnt worth your time and shouldnt be given a second thought. Sex is something that too many people take lightly and it can cause people to do stupid things or just fall for someone more. Delete the answer and if you can find a guy who goes after you and you can feel his care and the trust of the relationship, then tell him and he will react in a way that makes you understand that it is okay to be a virgin and that you have the choice of giving that to him or not at all. It should always be your choice.
henna-red henna-red 5 years
Delete the answer....delete the site, delete anyone you've met through the site! It is no ones business whether or not you are a virgin and the fact that this site asks is outrageous! If they can't be trusted to know and respect appropriate boundaries, then they can't be trusted to put two people together, in an appropriate way. I don't care if they purport to be "religious" or "spiritual" people, looking to put couples with the same beliefs together....they are completely out of line to ask such a thing, and so far over any appropriate line to share that kind of information with anyone. Run, run, run!!!! You are more likely to find a predator on this site, masquerading as a person of "faith", than a good guy. You also need to do some personal work on your boundaries. You are much too trusting of someone who labels themselves a certain way. You did not know not to answer this outrageous question......There are some things you just don't talk about with strangers! Personal sexual information is for trusted, known people only!! Putting this kind of thing out into the public is begging for trouble. You don't date someone because of their virgin status, or lack thereof, unless you have some kind of issue. Protect yourself. Delete all of the information you have given, and then get away from this site. I hope there won't be any other repercussions.....once we put something out there, it's out there. Always, always, always be careful about what you post that strangers can see! Check out several other dating sites, and compare what you see on the others, to what you've seen here, at this site with the out of line question....(I doubt there's only one.) Some sites are great, I hear, and very protective of their customers....some are not. You need to do some homework around this kind of resource....check references and reviews, and get some good information about how to protect yourself when you are meeting someone online, and then in the real world. They are two, very different experiences. You will never really know who a person is when you meet them online. It's not a full dimensional's limited. The lack of body language alone is a serious restriction. So do some homework, learn how to be self protective and safe online.....and get AWAY from this dating site!!! It's not safe, and it doesn't understand what is appropriate, and what is just damn dangerous. take good care girl. Be well, be safe, blessed be
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