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Is Our Bad Sex Life Going to End the Relationship?

"Is Our Bad Sex Life Going to End the Relationship?"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I've been with my boyfriend for over two years now, and our sex life is CRAP! I'm not sure if it's because of his insecurities, because we have great sex when we're drunk. Before I met him, my sex life was always brilliant; I was outgoing and a bit kinky, but since I've been with my current boyfriend, I feel worse about my body and having sex than ever before. Things are complicated even further by the fact that we live together.

This all makes me wonder if he is the right person for me; I wonder if I should be with someone with the same sexual needs as me. My boyfriend doesn't even look at me when we are having sex anymore and it makes me feel like he doesn't find me attractive! I know I can't live without him, but I'm really craving some good sex, and I'm just not getting it at all.


I know sex should be an important part of a relationship, but I don't know how to make it any better at this point. Talking to him about it won't help (At this point, I should probably tell you that I took his virginity) because I know he will just shut down and get embarrassed. I think the problem is simply our different sexual attitudes; he is very selfish in bed and in the two years we have been together, he has only gone down on me two or three times.

Should we break up because our sex lives are different? At this point, I look forward to being single one day just to have good sex...that means something, right?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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Join The Conversation
tigr3bianca tigr3bianca 5 years
Give the poor guy a break, you took his viginity. He probably is super self-concious about his sexual prowess. Give him some directions, coax him with positive messages. Sometimes you have to ask for what you want. He may seem selfish because he doesn't know what you want.
dikke-kus dikke-kus 5 years
Maybe you can go out and have a few drinks or dinners together. If all you do is sit around a house together and expect sex to heat and complain about your sex life to him up it won't matter. People work. They have bills to pay. There's a lot going into a bedroom. Men and women are not just bodies that switch off and on to make porn scenes happen in the bedroom after an eight hour day. If your relaxed and happy with your other parts of life and then you'll be more interested in what happens in between the sheets too.
testadura67 testadura67 5 years
Bad sex can be fixed pretty easily. Unwillingness to communicate and work on trouble spots in your relationship is much more difficult. Does he realize his unwillingness to experiment is putting your relationship in danger? Have an honest sit down with him, and tell him this could be a deal breaker. Or write him a letter or email if you feel like you can get it out better that way. But put your cards on the table. If he makes changes, fantastic, but if he's still unwilling to work on it, then you have your answer. Move on.
Bettye-Wayne Bettye-Wayne 5 years
Now while I agree with everyone that it's probably time to move on, I want to raise the possibility that you haven't 'trained' him well enough? Not sure if he's just not receptive to what you've tried to teach him (you are his first and only teacher), or maybe you just haven't taken the time to break him in properly? Like you started getting kinky before he was ready, and it caused him to freak out and back off? Just a thought, but you sound like you care about him and are very 'outgoing' in bed which makes me think the problem is him.
henna-red henna-red 5 years
Bad habits are hard to break. If you're thinking of him as a habit, actually thinking that, then you already know the answer to your question. Break the habit. You aren't doing yourself or him any good by staying in this relationship. How would you feel if your man regarded you as just a bad habit that he couldn't break. If you can't face talking about the sex with him, then the situation will never change. And if you haven't, actually spoken to him about how you feel and what you want, then you will never have what you want with him. Either learn to communicate, or let it go. good luck
myself-me-and-I myself-me-and-I 5 years
"i dont know what to do i know i cant live without him but im really craving some good naughty sex and im not getting it at all, i know sex should be a massive part of a relationship but i dont know how to make it better.. dont know if it will ever get better.. talking to him about it wont help" If you really can't live without him I would suggest taking on the challenge to teach him. You say you are unable to communicate well with him about this topic. I suggest you find a means to communicate that may be more comfortable for him. Jason Julius knows women like you would not believe (my opinion). Begin with letting Jason do the teaching if your guy is open to this. Jason's website is Begin there and if Jason is good for your guy things shall change in desirable ways. I'm just another consumer of his products. I simply found his website, then bliss is unfolding. Another website (a free ebook) that I like is It seems silly at first, but familiarity brings naturalness to something that we are raised to believe to be taboo. Taboo is naughty and, as an adult, it can be very exciting and sexy and permissible. Naughty talk to me is very intimate. If the above fails then I would imagine your feelings of not being able to live without your guy will need to change for adult human contact between lovers is equally important as air, water and food in my opinion. Good luck, and find your methods as you put forth your best efforts to transform your guy into one who views expressed sexual love as organic, natural, necessity and desire. It might help to keep a notebook of progress so you can validate your efforts and determine if you have interests in continuing with your efforts or abandoning your guy to seek out a man that has already built-in natural desires, attitudes and love of his woman. Note: I'd limit the alcohol as much as possible - just enough to relax is good. And, I would imagine your guy has had a lifetime of learning his way so allow plenty of time for growth toward the new way you lead him towards if you really feel you cannot live without him. 1 more: If you can succeed at this then you will prove to have astounding power to guide him in resolving other problems that may arise in your relationship and that can be awesome!
kurniakasih kurniakasih 5 years
Reread this line: "I look forward to being single one day just to have some good sex?" Yeah, stick a fork, you're done.
Venus1 Venus1 5 years
If you really cannot communicate then the time has come to move on and find someone who is prepared to share. If you do move on, do not let anyone else inside you unless they go down on you first. This has always been my golden rule and it works for me.
Pazuzu Pazuzu 5 years
I think the main problem is you cant have a mature, honest talk with him. That says a lot to me. You should be open with your partner and if that trust and communication isn't there then you'll have problems. If you cant talk to him then there's really nothing you can do to change it. Either you can stay with him and suffer, get your sex elsewhere, or leave him. Open relationships can work for some but it requires communication, which he wont allow.
lcrox07 lcrox07 5 years
Yes sweetie... it's time. It just seems to me there isn't enough chemistry to begin with.
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