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Was Our Break Up Circumstantial?

Dear Sugar
I was dating this guy for about four months and things were going phenomenal; we met each other's families and friends, and saw each other often.

And then out of the blue he told me that he doesn't want to see me anymore. I honestly think that he felt like his life was a little out of his control – he was traveling a lot for work, I was traveling too and so we were having a harder time meeting up.

I really feel that it was one of those break-ups that happened because it was the only part of his life that he can control at that moment. Either way, I can't stop thinking about him. It's been three weeks since we last spoke and I am dying to contact him. I want to try and fight to get him back. What are your thoughts? Can't Give Up Colleen

Dear Can't Give Up Colleen
Go for it until you've exhausted the chase. Three weeks is a good amount of time for him to be alone and gain some perspective. But, there's a fine line between trying to get him back and playing yourself out. You don't want to look desperate.

I think you should call him and leave a nice, breezy message such as; "Hi, I've been thinking of you. I hope your traveling is going well. I'd like to catch up, so call me when you have a free minute to chat."

If you want to go out on a limb, add an "I miss you" at the end - short and sweet. Then wait a week. If you don't hear back from him after a week, call once more - but that's it.

He may be busy, but you have to prepare yourself for the possibility that he may also have been looking for an excuse.

Join The Conversation
lickety-split lickety-split 11 years
Forget about him. Does it really matter why he broke up with you? He told you he doesn't want to see you anymore out of the blue, why would you even want to start something up again with someone who plays with your feelings? Here's a trick I used when I was single to get someone off my mind. I wrote "He's A Loser" across the top of a piece of paper and below it I wrote ALL the things they ever did that bugged me, I mean EVERYTHING. Anytime I had a weak moment I'd read the list again and it made me mad all over again. Your first entry: Announced he didn't want to see me anymore out of the blue. Second entry: Hasn't called me for 3 WEEKS! After a couple of weeks you'll be laughing at the list. Forget this guy.
Reeree Reeree 11 years
When a guy told me he didn't want to see me, I made sure I felt that I didn't want him twice as much. I could never bring myself to be consumed with wanting someone who broke up with me. I'm willing to bet that his break up wasn't as out of the blue as you might believe. Sometimes we just don't want to see what's right in front our faces. Either way, it's in your best interest to move on with your own future.
angelbaby angelbaby 11 years
ms. sugar gives great advice and does it in a classy way-she is far "older" than her years with good advice-stick with what she says and you can't go wrong. I wish I had been half as together as she is at her age.
FB1977 FB1977 11 years
I have to agree with the other gals...don't even waste your time. I don't think he's worth the fight, esp if he can't make any time for a relationship anyway.
MissSixty1 MissSixty1 11 years
Awww hard situation but i think i would let it go, he is prolly out dating or seeing someone else, of course its bothering you however its summer go out and have fun. Dont look back into the past unless it comes back to you BY ITSELF. He most likely moved on since he has not doesn't seem to bother him. But if its bothering you that bad...a sweet phone call saying "Hi how are you just wanted to check up on you..." cant do no harm. You never know he could be thinking about you as well but he's to embarrassed to call. However if you get the slightest indication that he is not interested LET IT GO, good luck hun.
JennaV JennaV 11 years
I agree with e_p & Jamie. Have you read that book "He's Just Not That Into You?" I am sure you have heard of it, but if you haven't, it was written by this guy who was a consultant on Sex and the City. Check it out! It has been criticized here and there but all and all it is a good book. I have been where you are...believe me! I was always making excuses and trying to justify things. Girl, please do not waste your time.
My-Opinion My-Opinion 11 years
The fact that 'he' broke it off is devasting you even more and kinda pushing you to miss him probably more than you ever did when ya'll were dating. It's been 3 weeks and HE hasn't contacted you............AND he's the one that broke up.....I would not call him, give yourself more credit than that hun, there are soooooooooooooooo many more wonderful guys out there for you , don't go chasing after one that wanted to end my opinion 'there is no future in the past'.
PrincessPixie PrincessPixie 11 years
I agree with E_P except that i would add, wait another month and then send him a text or soething just saying, 'hi, how are you, just wanted to see how you were going. would you like to catch up for a coffee?' Then find your best gay friend to pretend he's your boyfriend/ dress up all nice/ tell him your gay and watch his self esteem MELT! mwah ha ha!! no-one should treat you like that!
mj mj 11 years
I think you need to find someone who WANTS to be with you as much as you want to be with them and generally you find that when you aren't looking. So my advice, HAVE A FUN SUMMER with your friends and try not to think about him whatever it takes.
ethiopian_princess ethiopian_princess 11 years
I actually disagree with Sugar. If he said he doesn't want to see you anymore, he probably meant it or is seeing someone else now exclusively. Either way, he's not worth your time. If he calls to ask for you back, I suggest that you run the other way. You should only be with someone who worships the ground that you walk on (or likes you just a tad more than you like him), not some f---wit or wannabe player.
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