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Is Our Relationship Really Over?

You Asked: Is It Really Over?

Dear Sugar,

I met an awesome guy two years ago that was everything I've ever wanted in a man. I can honestly say this was the first time that I was truly in love with someone, but about three weeks before Christmas we broke up. We had an argument and we did not call each other until about a week ago. I felt that the argument, although it was about an important issue, could have been avoided. When we finally talked, we laid everything on the table. I told him I was ready to begin where we had left off but he wasn't. He told me that "people change" and he no longer wanted a relationship with me. I was, and still am, devastated.

He wanted to remain a part of each other's lives, but I told him I wanted to be "defined" as more — not just some random girl. This past weekend we went out to dinner and he came back to my place. He initiated everything and we had sex. I felt great but bad at the same time because I still didn't know where we stood. He spent the night and left the next morning, but I have not heard from him since. I feel crappy and used. Although he claimed to still love me, he still isn't able to pick up where we left off. He said there is no one else but I just don't know what to do. I have not told my friends because I really thought he was going to be the one that I would marry some day and now I'm embarrassed. I feel like if we had not argued and stopped talking that I would still have the love of my life. I really thought we were on our way to marriage and now I feel like a failure. Should I attempt to call him or accept that he's over me?
— Heart Broken Heidi

To see Dear Sugar's answer

Dear Heart Broken Heidi,

Break ups are the worst so I am sorry you're hurting right now. Break-up sex is tough — it makes things incredibly confusing because it can either lead to a reconciliation or it can simply be one last hurrah. Although your ex was honest with you about wanting to end it, he's also being selfish for not letting you go. Of course it's comforting to spend time with him, but it's just going to prevent you from moving on and accepting that your relationship is over.

You should not feel embarrassed by what's happened Heidi, and it's not good to keep all your feelings bottled up inside. I'm sure your friends and family would be more than happy to support you right now — that's what they are there for. Since this man was someone you wanted to spend the rest of your life with, I don't blame you for feeling like you're back at square one, but you never know what the future holds. Your ex could change his mind and realize what a mistake he made by breaking up with you, or you could meet the real man of your dreams. Be strong, use your loved ones for support and remember what's meant to be will be. Time is a great healer but in the meantime, treat yourself well.


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