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Overwhelming Mother In Law

Dear Sugar
My soon-to-be mother-in-law is a total nightmare and she is making planning my wedding very difficult. She has strong opinions about everything and insists that her way is the right and only way to do things.

The latest is that she doesn't think I should register for dishes at one particular store where I've also registered for all of my kitchen goods, when she can find the same dishes only for a cheaper price somewhere else. How do I get this behavior to stop without totally offending my soon-to-be mother in law? Badgered Bride

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Badgered Bride
For some groups of women, "the registry" is a major sticking point. I don't know why, but ladies, especially older ladies love to have a hand in what they think the couple should own. I definitely think that wedding planning among differing generations of women is also a little bit of a power struggle.

I advise you to remind your MIL, that you have registered for many different pieces and if her friends don't wish to purchase your dishes, they have a vast array of other items to choose from. If they don't like the things that you have picked altogether, let her know that a gift certificate, a check or anything that comes with a receipt will also be happily received and appreciated.

I know that she's not going to like your answer, but she is going to have to live with it. Weddings are a great jumping off point to set limits. If you let her change this, she's just going to continue to push you...eventually you are going to reach the edge and explode!

Keep repeating your answer over and over again if she doesn't relent. She'll get the hint. She'll also begin to understand that you aren't going to let her control you.

Join The Conversation
geebies geebies 10 years
I would definitley not bring your future huband into the ring. The worst thing to do is put him in the middle of two women he loves, even though you totally trump her. You need to put her in her place ASAP! It will only get worse if you don't. I did this with my mother in law and it worked! She leaves me alone and no longer pokes her nose into my marriage. We are civil to one another at visits and because of this we get along better. I think I am actually starting to like her. The biggest piece of advice would be not to talk badly about her in front of you huband to be.
jennifer76 jennifer76 10 years
If your husband can't make his Mother treat you with respect, you may want to see this as a sign of things to come. Its not going to get better from here. Your husband needs to put his foot down now. *You* are his family now, and you should be his priority.
t0xxic t0xxic 10 years
Val's advice is perfect. Im so sorry that most people have horrid inlaws mine are ok for the most part its parenting and spoiling we clash on. The only thing u really can do with a mil is bite ur tongue smile and ignore really. GL hun!!! Besides a registry is jsut a thing to go off of. I mean why cant they see it and say oh Ive seen this here for this price an get it elsewhere. I mean for real. Again GL
peepshow peepshow 10 years
ditto on what Valeri said.
lickety-split lickety-split 10 years
try saying "really? interesting. thanks so much" and then totally ignoring her. if she brings it up again just say "gosh i think i remember you telling me about that" and if whe asks why you haven't changed it try "it's on my never ending list of things i need to check out! btw, would now be a good time to talk about the rehersal dinner/what you're wearing to the wedding/booze at the reception" all things the grooms parents traditionally pay for. give her a list of to do's and keep adding to it everytime she trys to tell you what to do. draw a hard line here because it will set the tone. it's YOUR wedding. if she has such fab ideas maybe she and her hubby could re-new their vows and she could use them all!
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