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Dear Sugar
My boyfriend of three years and I have been planning to move out of our small apartment for some time now. We finally found a bigger, two bedroom starter home and I couldn't be happier.

The problem is that we've been fighting so much recently, that I am nervous to take the next step with him. We haven't even moved out yet and we've already begun arguing over bills.

I spoke to my mom and aunt, and they keep telling me that I should not move out if we are fighting. But Sugar, I love him. Can you give me advice without telling me to stay at home? Joyless Jeannette

Dear Joyless Jeannette
Here's what I would do; make a list of all of argumentative topics that have come up recently and see if you can tackle them one by one over the next couple of days.

Seeing them all listed on paper is going to help both of you to understand which are the most important issues. It will also help you see where each of you can give a little.

Moving together is a huge deal. I am glad that you love him so much, or else I would tell you to stay, but maybe you guys are just testing your independence with this bickering.

When I moved in with my husband (we were dating at the time) we fought over everything. Now that I look back on it - did I really care if the shower curtain was green and white or blue and white, or if my name was on the phone bill? At the time, it seemed important, but really it was just about power.

Sometimes you push and push just to test how much someone will give into you. Look at your list and see what's really worth fighting over. Have fun kissing and making up!

Join The Conversation
paris_rosenberg paris_rosenberg 11 years
Everyone goes through their growing pains. Soon you will settle in to knowing one anothers signals. It does take awhile.
Trixie6 Trixie6 11 years
Moving is an awful headache. Is it possible that you're fighting so much because your both stressed out over the move? We just moved into a bigger house and for the month leading up to the move, we bitched at each other about everything. I finally told my husband to get in the car and took him to the park so we could sit and talk about things away from our kids and the mess of the packed boxes. It helped.
nomerz nomerz 11 years
I agree. I'd move into an apartment with someone I was serious about but wasn't married to, but a house is a bigger step. Maybe all this fighting is a sign... I know it's not that cut and dry when it comes to matters of the heart, but I am a HUGE believer in things happening for a reason, and maybe you should just hold off on moving into a house together. Hope things work out for you! xox
malibu-stacey malibu-stacey 11 years
personally, i wouldn't be making the largest financial investment of my life with a man i wasn't married to... i had some friends who did that and broke up and it was a big mess...
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